BAD Rep Personified.

So now i officially got Bad Reputation.

Heard in Zouk no less. Argh.

So i bumped into a really old fren whom i used to work part time w at Z n is currently also a fly boy. We also used to hang out on late nights on motor bikes n all when i was barely 20.

N the conversation turned out like this.

NG: Oh ur bf my sec school one lar!! YTSS! u ask him he sure know me one!!
Do: Wah so small world lar! But we arguing quite bad. dunno whether will b ex soon or not.

NG: Yar i heard bout how u guys were going...........

Do: wha...?? Huh??

......

Do: eh be a fren. tell me lei wat u hear lor....

NG: No lar. some common frenz la. ask me if i know u cos he see from fb. n i was like yar.
N they jus talked bout u n him lor.

Do: HAR?!?! Who's tis person?

NG: someone called XA la.

Do: WTf?! I dun even know anybody by tt name!?!??!

NG: Go see FB la maybe u see face know.

Do: then how? wat u hear?

NG: Oh we were at some chalet or hotel room thingy at Orchid Plaza or dunno wat. Then in a group la.. Aiyah got alot of HIS common frenz la.

Do: N wat did they say??

NG: That u have very high expectations of yr Bf lor.

Do: -___-"

knn... now someone i dunno saying such personal things bout me.
Of cos my first rxn was to blame the bf. thinking 'nabei wtf he go n tell ppl bout us lor.'
Then my next rxn was to check fb on the holy grail of IT gadgets, ie the iPhone. or rather, any smartphone invented la.
N confirmed tt i dun know this XA jerk who is happily talking bout some other ppl's couple problems.

Then after tt..........
I guess i could flip it around n look at it in the positive way.

- If all random men heard bout my bad rep being a nasty gf n all with over the roof expectations, no wonder no men pick me up at Zouk. FML
- N if any man did, it would b cos he wanted to tame a wild horse??? (positive)
- Or simply want to conquer (negative)
- Or simply outta the loop. (hmmmmm good or bad? still deciding.)

N then suddenly i missed the bf.

Yeah. readers of me blog always knew im a horrid gf. wats new?
So wat if i give alot?
I sure expect a hell lot back too.
I'm insecure as hell n bloody possessive.
N i expect honeymoony lovey dovey 24/7 / forever.

But i tot all girls r like tt?
i mean... from the stories i hear?
But maybe birds of the same feathers flock together. all the problematic girls all hang out together tts y still flockin together?
I really dunno u know? FOL (Fuck our lives)

Ah well....

WEll... I always wondered if i even belong to the high profile kinda person.
Geez, now i know i'm actually talked about behind my back by PEOPLE I DO NOT FUCKIN KNOW no less.
I really dun think tt's high profile in any good way.
FML BIG TIME.
.......................................................................................

N tonight was fly girls/boys nite.

Besides bumping into NG, there was my batchboy i haven't seen in 4 yrs.
N 3 whom i jus came back from flight with.
N many many many many many familiar faces though there was not much crowd.

Perhaps that would be what i would miss bout fly life.
The massive randomness.
Random faces, random names, random ppl, random timing, random places.
All unpredictable n simply rad n mad.
Massive fun for someone young. Like seriously.

but I'm looking forward to no more randoms.
Jus stable boring predictable.
No more living outta a bag.
Maybe cos I'm old.
.....................................................................................
Random quotes:

JM: " Aiyah dun bother bout wat ppl say bout u lar. jus remember. only the good looking ppl gets gossiped about."

Wah sibei flattering.
Totally accepted.

KP: " Seriously. Stop fighting with yr bf ready. if he doesn't do 3 things. Which is, he doesn't beat u, have bad temper or cheat on u. Can already"

Said like he can smell my 麻繁ness!
FML!!
After all we only jus did a flight together n he was a flygirl fren's ex!

oooh.... but from a man's point of view. Simple, direct, to the point.
But women r simply complicated.
Well. 50-50 la. FML n FTL (fuck their lives)
.................................................................................

Drinks downed tonight:

half jug vodka jelly,
01 gls champagne rose
1.5 jaeger bomb
01 white wine spritzer.

Only paid for 2 shots jaeger cos of some awesome gentlemen who took such gd care of me.
Cos i intro flygirls to them lor! ;D

N i drove home.
Thus composing this blog post in my head.



I seriously wish that when i stop flying the smiles n laughter will come back n the insecurity will go away. Truly.

Resignation FAQs

So I serving my notice now right.
The other girls are completely envious n some awesomely jealous.
Others, well, they just try to make me feel bad that i quit.
Which also means they r, jealous.

These r some questions I kinda grew tired of answering...
Starting with the most often asked.

Question #1: So what r u gonna do after?
A: Slack around first lor. Finish my doggie grooming course. i believe in 船到桥头 自然直。
(which literally means, Whatever will be will be.)

N i stop saying more when they give me the skeptical look.
So sometimes i dun even bother to go on bout my doggie grooming thing.
Well alot of them i hardly know, so i cannot be bothered to explain myself.
I'm 28 going on to 29 very soon.
It's my last chance to make mistakes before i turn 30.
Make seemingly crazy decisions n live the bohemian life i always sort after.

I might take a different course in life. I might regret
Or change my mind.
Who knows?
You know exactly wat's gonna happen in 2010?
Mommy says there's gonna be another recession cos all the countries r in bad debts.
But nobody's told me if 2012 is really gonna happen or not in the first place!?!
So why not now? ;D

Question #2: SO u have found another job?
A: No. (in an indignant tone of voice)

Question #3 Then wat u gonna do!?!??!
A: (controls rolling eyes) Repeat answer in Q#1

Question #4: Where u gonna be??
A: Please see answer to Q#1.
In SG la. more specifically, in the day i will be somewhere in Jalan Kayu.
In the nights I will b in my bed, or my bf's. Duh. -.-


Question#5: Why you wanna quit???

A: *Sighs for dramatic effect* Come March it will be 6 years lei.
If it's my fellow colleagues i will say, "u not sian meh? everyday do the same things, take the same shit. I can't take it anymore. i feel like i wanna punch my pax"

If it's an outsider, (most of whom who feel like cabin crews' lives damn happening n earn alot of moolah n fucking fun to fly here n fly there) I have to explain more.

I'm sick of explaining.
Basically the job is shit.
Though i dun deny that i learnt the most lessons in life the past 6 years.
I had the happiest n the saddest memories.
I was surrounded by pple i love most n pple i dun know at all.
Instead of taking for granted everyday life as it is, I learnt that time is precious.

The first 3.5 years were the best.
Thereafter, my insides r craving for something better, something new. To push myself to be a better person.
I feel it's time to make my other dreams come true.
Since I can't grow up n b a chief anymore! ;)

Question #6 : So you gonna be tai tai lar! Getting married?!
A: Unfortunately, none of the above. Not even close!

Question#7: Then $$ how?

A: Saved enough for being jobless 6 months. Taking into account that I can't live the way I used to when i working la. No more impulse buying, no more going to clubs n ordering lotsa lotsa crazy drinks. Eat at coffee shops n food courts more. But pretty much the past 1 year I have cut down on everything else luxe.

Anyway i think i save more money on my days in SG. No H&M, overseas shopping = Safe.
Therefore, please do not intro me to any online shopping, sample sales, wat branded branded things anymore please. I'm also gonna cut down on reading fashion magazines.
The flesh can only stay strong THIS much..... ;D

Question#8 : That must have been a very brave decision u made.

A: In a way, yeah. I have been battling with the idea for 1 year. I tossed n turned in bed more n more when the timing drew closer.
I look at my bank balance everyday n fret that I dun have enough for my future plans.
I buy a piece of clothing n i beat myself up mentally.
I lost my iPhone n stabbed myself when i had to get an expensive replacement.
I looking for a cheaper place where I can renew n continue my yoga practice.
I no longer wanna sign anything to my credit cards, or debit cards.
I have arguments with bf cos of my own insecurity.
I still have yet to set myself a monthly pocket money budget n how to stick to it, but i imagine my cards might just b frozen into a block of ice Confessions of a Shopaholic style. -____-"
I'm quite stressed just thinking bout the whole financial thing.

BUT! Whatever will be will be. Ommmmmmmmmm~~

Question #9 (mostly from colleagues) : So how to quit ah??

A: Write letter, address to (I will send u the template if u want w adressee address all) n go back to main center, 3rd floor blah blah blah blah blah.

Outsiders probably dun understand why this is daunting to us cos the fact is, nomad workers like us have no office lor.
We dunno who is the head HR guy or who/which department to turn to for little stuff like claims n pay issues cos we r always on the road.
N the office does so many shuffling of staff around that the names behind each department do not have a face also.

All i know is that they were gonna hold my AWS if i tendered earlier, luckily when i tendered on the 4th, it was too late for accountign to hold my 13th month bonus. ALL of $1300 ONLY.
N they will also hold my allowances n pay for the whole month of Jan til i do clearance n only pay me in end Feb. That's being optimistic too.

Question#10: Good luck to you, all the best and the feeling must be damn shiok lar!
Then *groans* i wish i also can quit like you... *sulks n pout*

A: YAR the feeling damn shiok can! I wake up everyday feeling fresh n alive with the new chapter ahead!
N yes, u can make it happen too. Just make the decision, take the time u need to make sure u made the right decision (which is when u feel nothing good bout the job anymore) n take the first step out n DO IT.

Q#10 cont'd : But I cannooootttt. I wanna buy Jimmy Choo shoes on sale! $400 bucks also i just buy! I'm not so crazy bout bags but shoes shoes!! i will buy!! ........(continue chattering bimbotic- like until i wanna slap the bugger)

A: -____- ai', just find a rich bf n marry him la

Q#10 cont'd: Yar i believe that men supposed to support us women in terms of all these one lor, if any of them offer to buy for me i sure take one lar!!

Conversation evolves into one where the useless backboneless typical blood sucking leeches of a woman talk about where to score rich old men for boyfriends, ..... and wat else? More talk on bags n shoes n bags n shoes........ Fuck my life.

Incidentally, i think most men r such suckers that they let themselves be leeched off too, rich or not. R they stupid? Or r these sorta women more smart??
For u to judge.

Of cos not all stewardesses are like that laaaarrr.......
Those like that one of cos NOT my friends. hahahaha~
But so far, i think like 50% of the girls r like that, superficial n bimbotic.
Wonder if that applies to the rest of the women population out there. hmmm.
But that's another topic for another post.

Welcome to the family! - NOT!

Im too lazy to draft out my resignation letter now.
super sleeeeppyyy....

I also just remembered menstruating women not advised to do yoga esp the power type rite?
cos of the many inverted poses?

So.... *yawNNnnnnnn* i will do it in the morning.... ZzzZZz

..................................

On the 2nd n 3rd day of the new year n i've been struggling to reconcile my self esteem n my emotions already.
I really dunno how to explain the situation except to say that it takes 2 hands to clap n my interpersonal skills can only break the ice this far.
It's certainly no fun standing among a group of pple who have no interest in getting to know u better n it's a matter of 10 against 1.
Definitely difficult as well since i realised that I was holding someone back from having full out fun.

The only thought that kept going thru my head was "If u love someone set him/her free."
Which I so dun like cos I just wish we could both play together n be happy.

This totally like.... sucks.

010110

My hangover lasted a good whole day on the last day of 09.
Ushered in the new year wrapped up in bed nursing a headache n counted down the last few mins with Co over the phone.
It has been a loooooooooonnnnng time since i spoke to a gf on the phone so long lor!
Think last time is secondary 2!!!
That's a good 14 years back!

I guess technology made it too easy for ppl to communicate, wat with facebook, twitter, msn, sms etc.
We tend to communicate while multi tasking, like feeding our Cafeworld, cyber stalking on blogs n facebook... that we dun really concentrate on our conversations?

Haha.
So there we were, 2 homely girls staying in on NYE talking on the phone cos EVERYBODY is out.
But i found peace for once. ;D

I've also decided to semi-quit the clubbing scene.
Just had A MOMENT when i stood amongst the maddening crowd at the smoking area in Zouk after losing my phone. Kinda(actually Very) smashed n had tunnel-like vision n only smattering vague pieces of memory....
Ppl leaving messages for me on facebook n i'm like ...."did i buy her a Kiss of Death too??", finding out bout my night bit by bit like in the movie The Hangover. -_-"

Argh. I'm also still trying very hard to remember who i had THAT conversation with. I hope I vetted wat came outta my mouth.

Not only that, my party khakis have mostly grown outta it it feels like. They were all like yawning n complaining of spinning heads after a few drinks.
And drinking is expensive.....

So there, a semi New Year's resolution.

1st Jan first thing in the morning, I decided to accept the friends' offer n get a new iPhone.
I'm still feeling post purchase dissonance. ;(
Not only for having to outlay more $$ for a stupid phone, but also for inconveniencing my friends n taking up their time also.
Aiyoh! i dunno how to repay that favour A&C!!


Sinking feeling also when Beng called me n told me his dad was in hospital.
my first thought was "shit! not on the first day of the new year!"

And somehow, I'm excited bout this whole baby thing.
Been a long time since i held a newborn in my arms n coo at the wrinkly little new arrival. :)

2010.
Keep being good k?