Take Me Away ....

It's not characteristic of me to cruise in life...

i believe that happiness should be the extreme screeching screaming guffawing kind

N when im sad
i drown myself in my sorrows n sink into depression n darkness in my thoughts...

Life should never have a straight line ... settled n boring.
Ups n downs r wat makes it exciting... no??

N it's so sad to realise at the stroke of midnight when i turned 28...

That i still haven't found my soulmate in tt department...
Someone who understands how i wanna live my life.
which is living In Extremes...

i always think 'it's all or nothing'

All....... or i start nothing....

So y is it that i always get started thinking i got it right when really...
i've always been conned into thinking that?

Since he said that line to me....
it has gotten me thinking.... n thinking...
yet i run away from thinking......
trying to do things Not my way for once....
But i still come back to it...

I feel myself losing a fraction of my soul when i have to compromise what i really feel is right in this department.

I try to lose myself in other things. distraction.
I read n read n read books every night since tt night.....
Smile n laugh n humour others when im not into my books....
I go to bed at 7 in the a.m.
N i can't sleep n i reach for my vodka bottles in my collection...

Just so i dun have to grapple with the reality....
Of wat he said to me....
The night i turned 28.

I dun want to talk bout it.
Cos i believe the limitations of another human being's patience...
Yet i'm very intrigued by the very limits of my own.

Y m i making the same old mistakes over n over again.
Over n over again.

I m tired. i wanna sleep.
Yet i can't. I can't pull the blanket over my mind's ears. Can't block out all those rational voices screaming out to me.

Hot. Yet now too cold.
Concern. Yet now meaningless.
love....
wat is that again??

If nobody knows wat it really means... or entails...
Why have it hanging off our mouths so readily??

Love only exists in novels.
Not in real life.

I swear never to say those 3 words again.