New Year's Resolution

It feels like we've had hooked up forever.
Was looking thru some photos n Jul'08 i was still fooling around and rampantly imbibing alcohol like nobody's biz every wed fri n sats.

Hmmm..

Anyway, a recap of the past years' Christmases... as way back as i can remember...

2003:
think i was working at Penny Black.
It was the post SARS period n I had been outta school since Mar i think. n jus quit my job at Kraftig advertising cos they paid me $1500 only n worked me like a slave.
Mega ex bf was back for the holidays but i seriously cannot remember if i spent it with his family.
Fuzzy fuzzy memory but i was quite sure i worked cos i worked on NYE as well tt year!

2004:
my first year flying.
Totally dun remember wat happened Xmas eve!
WTH!
FML.

2005:
Remembered it was post break up with mega ex by the time Xmas came along.
Touched down in London Xmas eve morning n rushed out to Marks & Spencer to buy microwavable food before everything closed by noon til Boxing Day.

Got drunk in the crew room with a bunch of colleagues, non of whom i remember the names nor faces! Meaningless i know!

2006:
Tough year, tough relationship.
Ironically, touched down in London Xmas eve morning a-fuckin-gain n rushed out to M&S to buy microwavable food again before everywhere shuts by noon til Boxing Day. -_-"

Yup, got drunk in one of my superior's room cos it was their team flight n spewed red wine into toilet bowl once i stepped into my room.

Only remember 3 faces n names of those colleagues i spent Xmas eve tt year with. All of whom i've never seen again since.

Called then bf n emo-ed to him hence ending up in a hugeass unnecessary argument which lingered over into Xmas day itself.

Not only that.

My Xmas present tt year from my then dearest? A mouse.
The first wireless mouse called The Mighty Mouse from Apple then.

But WTF!?!? I got a fucking mouse for Xmas from a bf?!??!?!
-__-

2007:
Tougher year than the last, culminating in 2 heartbreaking episodes w fucked up men.
k maybe im the fucked up one.

Had flu n all n took MC cos my heart was pining n i was in pain.
Went to Zouk n mildly flirted with buddy's best friend n pretty much everybody else.

Night ended in tragedy when i spotted freshly broken ex hand in hand with...... his ex b4 me.

Ran away to Shenton Way Partyworld to seek comfort in other friends n ended up crying n super drunk n home at 6 in the morning.

Spent Xmas day itself contemplating suicide.
Like serious!

2008:
Kicked up a fuss when travelling to bf's place by cab in the evening.
Who was i kidding. it was storming n i din have enough cash in my purse n i was bringing the love in my love the best pressie in the world.
Best as in most suited n broke my record as the most expensive thing ever bought for someone else la.

Upset with my pressie but it sure felt good when the receiver teared cos he was touched by my present.

Had dinner at Fish n Co n headed to Zouk for my gf's Hen Night.
Oh. not forgetting i had my wisdom teeth extracted just to take MC for the whole stretch til New Year's too!

Spent the next week being unhappy bout my pressie though i tried very hard to suppress it.

2009:
Spent the whole day in my room in Paris sulking n PMS-ing cos I had sore throat n gastric flu n no one to hold around the arm/waist to take a stroll with me in the wintry streets of Paris.

Picked on bf.
bf explodes.
Suggest break up.
bf accepts.
he goes on to delete our couple album n untag himself off our sweet kishy wishy mushy couple pics. on the same night.
I >EXPLODE<.

Depart Paris on Xmas eve evening (SG time).
At the point in time where u guys were counting down n hugging each other n wishing each other Merry Xmas, n when normal loving couples were snuggled up like in the SATC movie sipping champagne n making out under the mistletoe, Lao Niang is curled up in the uncomfy crew bunk damn shagged out cos still sick.

Needless to say, spent Xmas arguing w bf.
Screaming n shouting til throat hoarse n eyes swollen til X2.
Mom tried to intervene cos the screaming n sobbing could b heard in 4 corners of house she claimed.
Been hiding in room since I got back yesterday morning.
Meals had: 2 sandwiches, 1 bottle of red, n 02 eggs scrambled tt was this morning 0530 hrs or so.

.................................................

So yeah,
at least 5 consecutive years of crappy Xmas eves n Xmas spent.
With 2008 being the most decent.
At least i got pressie.

My New Year's resolution is gonna be this n I'm so gonna omfg regret ever making this.

But I dun wanna celebrate Xmas anymore.

I mean who am i kidding!? it's supposed to be the season of giving but it's always the season of break ups n heartache.
fuck my life.
Ptui* i dun want to celebrate it anymore!!!!!!! *shakes fists n clench teeth n screams*

hehe.
It's like how i stopped making Valentine's Day special in my heart since the mega ex went away to London to school at tender age of 21 for me.
N after that it was always working on V days.
Working at Dome, working onboard...
The only good ones were 2008 when i was actually brought to dinner.
N the other one 2006 i think when i went with my ex teamgal to Stonehenge in London.
Fuck my Life.

And because Xmas n New Year's are always so close to each other, the heartaches spill over all the time n im always called up for some nonsense flights n getting drunk with weird strangers or counting down w no one on the stupid plane with annoying passengers n shit like tt lar.

I think i can safely say tt im eradicating celebration of NYE as well as a special day for me.

I think I'll only resume celebrating them when i have my own family n home n will host beautiful house parties like i always imagine Xmas n NYE should be. Not meaningless drunking n partying.

So yes, that's part of the story of my life.
Geeez, I never realised i've had such crappy Xmases til i really put it down in black n white.
Fuck my Life big time! >:D

p/s i will make resolution to quit smoking n binge drinking when i stop having crappy Xmases!!! bleahG!