Blessed~ ;)

Maybe i did many bad things in my life. scold too much vulgarities etc.

But the one thing i did good is probably to be true to my friends cos Karma blessed me with too sweet friends.

:) Thank you Coco for offering yr mama's phone contract.
Doesn't matter if can get or not.
The offer is sweet enough.

My stupid sister dun even let me use hers..... zzzzzzzz -.-

Oh also to D.C who took care of me last night.
Kan cheong for me also when I told him to help me call my phone.

Sometimes i think I'm not a good enough person to deserve such good friends.
But i must have done something right.
THANK YOU!

Reflections: 2009 Wishes 2010

First off, I'd like to say that 2009 is a 破财 year.

Dun even have to go off ranting n raving bout my bad luck n losing stuff n my 20 day old iPhone just yesterday. >.<

Then gotta pay taxes taxes taxes n credit card bills dunno spend on wat nonsense nothing solid jus pay n pay n pay. Unable to save $$ also. It just had to go out n refused to come in.

HEART PAIN!!!

Secondly, 2009 is a wedding year.
Which doesn't make sense cos the ppl who i am closer to RUSHED to get married in 2008 before the lunar year of 09 started cos apparently it's a bad year to wed in even though 09.09.09 sounds like a good date.

Anyway I'm jealous of all the happily wedded. I'm unhappy now so i can say watever I want. Fuck off.

Thirdly., 2009 is a bad year in all of general cos couples broke up.
Lesbian n straight.
Pple's hearts get broken.
Keep hearing horror stories of affairs, broken marriages, blah blah blah.
Careers SUCK big time, with warning letters for some n lousy non $$ generating rosters for me n ppl left jobs for other lousy jobs.

Also i was supposed to be lucky this year but NOOOOooooOOOOO I was NOT.

Fourthly, it's a good year in terms of ppl conceiving n starting families as 3 ladies from my Dome circle had conceived in the 2nd half/3rd quarter of the year. 1 has even given birth.

I jus want to keep a big panting golden furry Golden Retriever.
Is it that hard to have what i want????

Looking at things, (things being the health of my womb, the financial status of my current bf, etc) I think by the time i wanna conceive, I will have trouble also. So Fuck Me.

Fifthly, Sickness: H1N1. Grandfather fell down. Auntie died. My constant gastric flu problem. Raging PMSes. 'Nuff said.

2009 SUCKED BIG TIME.
I hate you.

Ptui*

I sincerely wish that....:
1) Life would be easier n smoother n less so full of angst come 2010.
2) If money dun come in at least dun keep going out can??? I never shop liao. Wat else u want from me!??!?!?! *screams n pulls hair*
3) That I will be pampered n loved n treated like a real lady n then I will be happy n purr ppurr purr like a satisfied happy fat cat everyday.
4) I want to feel like each day is a satisfying day, with that nice warm glow over me instead of fucking black clouds looming over my head all day every year.
5) I dun wan to cry anymore.
6) that the love of my life (anyone, someone???) will propose to me. dun care when getting married. i jus wanna get engaged.
I think engaged is more exciting than getting married. heeeeee~ *practise blushing bride-zilla-like giggles*
7) (lucky number 7??) That Life starts to have meaning for me as I approach 29.

I dunno how to say. but 2009 really rubbed off on me badly n i forgot wat was it like in 2008 but i remembered that i did like it so much better except for the fact that my blog got shut down cos of my employer.

My 老师 says that come 2012 I will have a bad year again. Like in 2007 where I had 2 broken relationships. It's this feng shui cycle but nobody warned me bout 2009. fuck their lives.

So yeah... rambling aside, I jus can't wait to embark on 2010.
come 4 jan i gonna turn in my resignation letter.
Come 4 feb I will have new found freedom. not financially though.

Everything else is inconsequential. I jus wanna be HAPPY.


now............ i really wanna bitch n whine bout losing my 20 day old iPhone last night... ;(

.
.
.
.
.
KARMA ~
tt' s all i can say.

Boys n the '~~tions'

D.C. : Let you choose one. Love or Money
dodo (without hesitation): Love la!

D.C.: But really no Money one lei. No luxuries! Not even wat u having now!
dodo (swallowed once, then.. ): Still Love la!

I went on to further explain tt as long as my partner 会挣气 and is loving n patient n loyal, i'm sure we will get thru the obstacles together.
We will make the best outta watever we have lor.

Of cos i also thinking hor, that said partner need to be able to express his love to me. Abit of sweet talking n tact n encouragement will go a VERY long way... ..
Well at least to me! ;p


handling expectations, being aware of their expressions, caveman style of interpretation, correct intonation, weaning patience, running outta tolerance, jumping to conclusions, ......
these seem to be the source of troubles when it comes to men trying to understand us women.

Annoying to the max. >;(

He says that Love Does Not Conquer All.
A complete contradiction to what i've believed in my entire life!

But with the arguments that we were having..... i'm actually starting to believe it lor.
Geeez........
Cynicism growing with age. Argh. i hate it!

New Year's Resolution

It feels like we've had hooked up forever.
Was looking thru some photos n Jul'08 i was still fooling around and rampantly imbibing alcohol like nobody's biz every wed fri n sats.

Hmmm..

Anyway, a recap of the past years' Christmases... as way back as i can remember...

2003:
think i was working at Penny Black.
It was the post SARS period n I had been outta school since Mar i think. n jus quit my job at Kraftig advertising cos they paid me $1500 only n worked me like a slave.
Mega ex bf was back for the holidays but i seriously cannot remember if i spent it with his family.
Fuzzy fuzzy memory but i was quite sure i worked cos i worked on NYE as well tt year!

2004:
my first year flying.
Totally dun remember wat happened Xmas eve!
WTH!
FML.

2005:
Remembered it was post break up with mega ex by the time Xmas came along.
Touched down in London Xmas eve morning n rushed out to Marks & Spencer to buy microwavable food before everything closed by noon til Boxing Day.

Got drunk in the crew room with a bunch of colleagues, non of whom i remember the names nor faces! Meaningless i know!

2006:
Tough year, tough relationship.
Ironically, touched down in London Xmas eve morning a-fuckin-gain n rushed out to M&S to buy microwavable food again before everywhere shuts by noon til Boxing Day. -_-"

Yup, got drunk in one of my superior's room cos it was their team flight n spewed red wine into toilet bowl once i stepped into my room.

Only remember 3 faces n names of those colleagues i spent Xmas eve tt year with. All of whom i've never seen again since.

Called then bf n emo-ed to him hence ending up in a hugeass unnecessary argument which lingered over into Xmas day itself.

Not only that.

My Xmas present tt year from my then dearest? A mouse.
The first wireless mouse called The Mighty Mouse from Apple then.

But WTF!?!? I got a fucking mouse for Xmas from a bf?!??!?!
-__-

2007:
Tougher year than the last, culminating in 2 heartbreaking episodes w fucked up men.
k maybe im the fucked up one.

Had flu n all n took MC cos my heart was pining n i was in pain.
Went to Zouk n mildly flirted with buddy's best friend n pretty much everybody else.

Night ended in tragedy when i spotted freshly broken ex hand in hand with...... his ex b4 me.

Ran away to Shenton Way Partyworld to seek comfort in other friends n ended up crying n super drunk n home at 6 in the morning.

Spent Xmas day itself contemplating suicide.
Like serious!

2008:
Kicked up a fuss when travelling to bf's place by cab in the evening.
Who was i kidding. it was storming n i din have enough cash in my purse n i was bringing the love in my love the best pressie in the world.
Best as in most suited n broke my record as the most expensive thing ever bought for someone else la.

Upset with my pressie but it sure felt good when the receiver teared cos he was touched by my present.

Had dinner at Fish n Co n headed to Zouk for my gf's Hen Night.
Oh. not forgetting i had my wisdom teeth extracted just to take MC for the whole stretch til New Year's too!

Spent the next week being unhappy bout my pressie though i tried very hard to suppress it.

2009:
Spent the whole day in my room in Paris sulking n PMS-ing cos I had sore throat n gastric flu n no one to hold around the arm/waist to take a stroll with me in the wintry streets of Paris.

Picked on bf.
bf explodes.
Suggest break up.
bf accepts.
he goes on to delete our couple album n untag himself off our sweet kishy wishy mushy couple pics. on the same night.
I >EXPLODE<.

Depart Paris on Xmas eve evening (SG time).
At the point in time where u guys were counting down n hugging each other n wishing each other Merry Xmas, n when normal loving couples were snuggled up like in the SATC movie sipping champagne n making out under the mistletoe, Lao Niang is curled up in the uncomfy crew bunk damn shagged out cos still sick.

Needless to say, spent Xmas arguing w bf.
Screaming n shouting til throat hoarse n eyes swollen til X2.
Mom tried to intervene cos the screaming n sobbing could b heard in 4 corners of house she claimed.
Been hiding in room since I got back yesterday morning.
Meals had: 2 sandwiches, 1 bottle of red, n 02 eggs scrambled tt was this morning 0530 hrs or so.

.................................................

So yeah,
at least 5 consecutive years of crappy Xmas eves n Xmas spent.
With 2008 being the most decent.
At least i got pressie.

My New Year's resolution is gonna be this n I'm so gonna omfg regret ever making this.

But I dun wanna celebrate Xmas anymore.

I mean who am i kidding!? it's supposed to be the season of giving but it's always the season of break ups n heartache.
fuck my life.
Ptui* i dun want to celebrate it anymore!!!!!!! *shakes fists n clench teeth n screams*

hehe.
It's like how i stopped making Valentine's Day special in my heart since the mega ex went away to London to school at tender age of 21 for me.
N after that it was always working on V days.
Working at Dome, working onboard...
The only good ones were 2008 when i was actually brought to dinner.
N the other one 2006 i think when i went with my ex teamgal to Stonehenge in London.
Fuck my Life.

And because Xmas n New Year's are always so close to each other, the heartaches spill over all the time n im always called up for some nonsense flights n getting drunk with weird strangers or counting down w no one on the stupid plane with annoying passengers n shit like tt lar.

I think i can safely say tt im eradicating celebration of NYE as well as a special day for me.

I think I'll only resume celebrating them when i have my own family n home n will host beautiful house parties like i always imagine Xmas n NYE should be. Not meaningless drunking n partying.

So yes, that's part of the story of my life.
Geeez, I never realised i've had such crappy Xmases til i really put it down in black n white.
Fuck my Life big time! >:D

p/s i will make resolution to quit smoking n binge drinking when i stop having crappy Xmases!!! bleahG!

Happy Boxing Day!

Geez, what's the point of ultra long weekends when there r no plans...*grouch*

But oh well.
Staying at home saves me lotsa money!
As you all know, I is gonna quit come first week Jan n will serve notice til Feb.
Thereafter, I will be jobless for dunno how long, doing something i dun want to tell u guys.

Hahaha! no lar.
I'm jus sick of repeating myself whenever pple ask me what i'm gonna do after.
Then u see their faces drop after hearing my reply n they look at me like i'm crazy.

So yes, i'm aware of the terrible economic climate out there.
No i do not have any back up plan for my plan.
Oh, yeah, i think i will like shrivel up n die if forced to work in an office environment.
N yeahhhhh.... please dun remind me that i'm already turning 29 in 2 months' time n time is not really on my side for any more frivolity.

SIGH.

I KNOW. OKIE.



But i do also know that i'm looking forward to this big change.
For once then, i will be doing stuff for myself on my own.
Of cos it is more challenging to keep oneself motivated esp when there r no authorities behind for the push factors.
I believe that as the time comes closer, I will ready my mind for all of that crap lar.
N i also believe that once i get on the intended path, the light at the end of the tunnel will guide me along.
A real entrepreneur will need to have a positive mindset! BleahG! ;p


And since we r on tt topic, i'm gonna b buay pai say n ask that u click on tt Nuffnang ad thing each time u come visit my blog.
Well it changes quite often now doesn't it? like every fornight?
Well today it's The Dogs movie trailer or something.
You will contribute dunno wat 1 cent or something with every unique visit or dunno how they count it la. (Obviously u see the plain template of my humble blog u can deduce tt i'm either a very lazy person or highly computer illiterate. Unfortunately it's the latter n here i m shamelessly asking for u to click more often on my very plain blog. argh!~)

Aiyah no virus or wat la. Confirm one. Maybe a cookie or two only. but then again Facebook's full of cookies!!! ;D

I pledge to entertain you with my random musings, daydreams, rantings, words, whatever i can manage. okie? ;)

Cos really, I think too much like ALL the time n I have been shut up for a really long time!
Now i will start to Blah Blah Blah~ again til yr ear drums hurt!

Eeeps time's up, my buttermilk pancakes r ripe in Cafeworld liao!
Laters~

I missed the snow, Paris.

When i got in this morning, it was 1 degree Celsius.
Boy it sure feels like -2 though.

Daddy always tells me it's colder n coldest whenever the snow is receding..
Not when it's likely or going to or is snowing.
He calls it 退雪。

Not expecting to come to Paris at this time of the year, or ever for a long long time..
I was pleasantly surprised.
Yet.... with the whole quitting thing looming... not too excited either.

I came down with a killer sore throat.
A consequence of greed as i wolfed down ferrero rochers one after another, while having coffee, tea, Coke. but not enough water.

I slept thru lunch n tea but remembered that the French do late dinners.
So at 9pm I finally woke with renewed strength n walked out to the chains just outside Porte Maillot in search for food.

The warm goat's cheese salad at Leon's was good!
So was the pot of Adreienne style mussels which had slivers of bacon n button mushroom slices in it too.
And the 25cl. lil' jug of sauvignon i had.

Looking outta the window while eating alone at a French restaurant n jus thinking n chewing, i thought about what did the years of service in this company meant to me.....

a random old man walked past while I was licking the ketchup off my fingers n smiled at me thru the window


And i half smiled at him back with something in my mouth like the above pic.

I wondered come 2010 how often will i have time off alone to collect my thoughts like then.
How often will i get to wander strange streets on my own n b awed by the sight of people, buildings, things I'm not used to seeing.
How often will i have time to do the things im so used to doing when in hotel rooms alone outstation.
How often i run thru my head reminding myself to reply to the waitress in the foreign language, whatever little i've come to learn when she comes over to check how m i doing.
Random things....
You know??


Actually, u'll never know.


Being on your own outstation versus being on holiday with other people is such complete difference.
The senses r different. the responses n thoughts that go thru the head are different.
And that is the only thing i love bout my job.
The time i have to myself when im overseas.
And i truly enjoy being alone to enhance these senses too! without the mindless chatter of bimbos n ppl i dunno.

There is so much to love bout it.
But yet so little to give up when i do.
Tis is when i compare it to the many other things that will make me happy when i'm always at home.
I just hope that i've not made a wrong decision. or overlooked some things cos i've had too much of another.

I'm actually scared!!!! bleahg* ;b

Standby.

They say that happy people dun just sit around n wait for good things to fall into their laps.

I want to go out there n get things done too!!
You know, like groom doggies n earn some freelance money eventually.

But here i am....
Sitting on my bed with my lappie til bed sores form..
Cos i'm on standby again..
From being on MC yesterday.
*grouch*

Im vegetating big time n hoping they won't call me for any flight yet hoping they will disrupt my NRT morrow.
Zzzz major oxymoron.

Well to look on the bright side i better enjoy this while it last.
When im jobless n income-less come Feb 2010, I'll have to be off my ass most of the time looking for alternative sources of $$! ;)

Ahhhhhh soo looking forward to being in control of my own time.
No more running on rosters n schedules n standby like a company-owned whore.
Like seriously! ;p

2010 will be a good year.
I can feel it looming!!! Quick quick time pass faster faster.
I'm not looking forward to celebrating xmas or nye. jus want the year to faster pass!!!

Going Bananas...

I talked to my imaginary dog again...
Second night in a row.

I seriously think I'm going crazy.
Like madhouse crazy.