London

The streets, the air which makes my nose bleed, the Underground, the Maharishi, the Covent Garden.
The 97 restaurant along Chinatown, the Covent garden branch of H&M which is my favourite.
The houses in Victoria Street i walked past while getting lost from High Street Ken back to Gloucester.
The Ann Summers which have Rabbits n knick knacks i've bought notti gifts from.
The duck along Bayswater.
The musicals, the theaters.
The ones i've never watched.
The ones i've watched with company.
The ones i've watched alone.
The gloom.
The rain.
The accent, the grubby ppl, the stylish ppl.
The London Bridge i've still yet to see.
The London Eye i've yet ridden.
The hope to live here for 6 months at least just for the hell of it.
The Selfridges on Oxford St n luxury shops along Bond tt i've had gone outta my way to avoid.
The museums i've not yet found time to visit.
The jog in Hyde Park I've procrastinated everytime.
The tea n scones in Harrods I was brought to once.
The memories.....

The love-hate relationship I have with the flights up here.
I'll always love you London! This trip might be my last.
Or there could be another one b4 the end of my career.
But i just need to tell ya you will always have a piece of me.

Those little moments...

You know those little moments?

In Life:
When u stop complaining n feeling the pain in yr neck n start looking at things in like a super benevolent way?

When u stop blaming things; people around yourself n look good n hard from other multiple rational perspectives?

In Love:
When you stop finding fault with the other person n derive innner peace from jus knowing that the other half loves u enough to make the effort to call/text u back.
And to drop by with hot choc after a long day at work even when u know he is tired.


When these little moments of realisation come along amidst moments of hot headedness n angst....
I learn to be satisfied.
No more finding fault. Creating mayhem.
I learn that adulthood n the responsibilities tt come w it no longer gives us the luxury of time.
Now it's jus learning how to deal with time properly n get the most outta it.

There will b no more languishing under the stars talking bout everything n nothing.
Wasting time jus because we have it.
Nothing romantic.
Just reality, hopefully stability...
And practicality.

Probably explains why I have been so tired lately.
Haven't been lying in til late afternoons no more as the new chapter starts unfolding.

I hope it bears fruit and a happy ending.
*wry smile*

I hope to carry this positive mindset into the new year....

Still Eat. Good!

Dinner at Rice Table with the Dome Darlings were really good today.

Possibly the best n heartiest n happiest meal i've ever had in the past 1 month when i've been moping with my head down n the edges of my mouth pulled down.

Oh the food still as good as well.
The potato things, the cucumber salad. the fruit salad. the chicken in sweet sauce. the otah. the fish. the tahu telor. the sayur lodeh. the brinjal. the lady's fingers. the chendol. n they say the beef stew. n today's favorite : the fried chicken wings.

N good news was confirmed! wheeeeee!!! ;)

We're gonna have lucky lady charm near us til third quarter next year. Soooo Egg-citing!
*winks*

The simplest things makes me happy.
Not moping anymore!
(probably til until before i have to go for my next flight. Boo.!)

Streak of Bad Luck

I doused my leather Dior inside out with water cos i din close my bottle properly.

only knew when water seeped out thru the cannage threadwork n by then the entire nylon lining n (WTF!!!) nappa leather insides were soaked.

4 year old handphone also drowned.
The 'Zero' button is spoiled n i entered my PIN wrong thrice n my SIM card got locked out.

I couldn't sms properly cos 'zero' button also the Space button.

Now Zero button works on n off intermittently but the back light flickers like gonna short circuit anytime.

M1 plans for iPhone not out yet. So much for buying new phone.
..............

IRAS sent me notice. say i never file for 2005 or 2006.
I'm confused.

so 3 years later then send me notice?!?!?!?
If it was for 2005, it was like my 1.5 years into my first full time job.
You dun send me notice so i dunno need to file wat.
knn now become my fault n my inconvenience.
..............

All the buggers i text to change flight all dunno how to reply texts.
Fuck off. next time i also dun bother to reply.
...............

I'm trying very hard not to be negative.
After all, negative attracts negative.
N the decision is pretty much made.

But my head is having 2nd thoughts.
Cos all these things happen that require income n money to make right.
I'm so scared to be broke without a job lor.

Sigh.

Sometimes, i do realise that I'm really might not be the kind who has the ability/guts to be reliant on others.
Why. do. i. make. life. for. myself. harder. than. it. should. be.

I will survive.. i will survive.
I will have no fear.
I will be strong.
I will.

Remembering why I fell in love in the first place.

As extracted from Rara World of Peculiar Flygirl...
Word for word.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Falling for the Ultimate Ah Beng..

I'm a woman with a thousand n one questions of 'why' n 'what ifs'... n completely unpredictable moodswings.

However... if a guy can answer my queries with maturity n still take into account my sensitivity n vulnerability.....i'm completely bowled over....

I know I'm smitten when...

1) He cusses incessantly with an intermittent injection of a sophisticated combi of hokkien vulgarities; all with a toothpick hanging lazily outta his mouth...... n i cup my face in my hand n watch him do it n think tt it's freakin' adorable.

2) He's extremely shy yet devastatingly honest at the same time. Esp when he confesses tt he can't pronounce 'parfait' n ask me how to say the brand 'L'occitane'

3) He wipes dry my wet hands with a tissue n his jeans cos i've got a stubborn refusal of using the hand dryers in toilets....

the act of whipping out a packet of tissue from the back pocket as n when is unexpected already... but cleaning my hands on his jeans even when i've come to learn tt he's such a super anal clean freak??

4) He tells me what i shouldn't do n displays adequate possessiveness yet doesn't come across as overbearing n controlling... (yet!!!). I LIKE! ;D

After chilling with Spongy earlier at Dragonfly (the den of the ultimate bengs n lians), we concluded tt we have a shared secret weakness for the ultimate Ah Bengs... the ones who speak Hokkien with abandon when agitated or with their band of brothers..... yet coo sweet nothings in our ears in fluent English, never mixing up the shes n hes, or cocking up the grammar.

Conclusion: Ultimate sexiness...~

Joy.

LOVE!

;D

I wonder if u still bother bout my unpredictable moodswings or 'take into account my sensitivity n vulnerability" anymore. or even bother to handle me 'with maturity' or entertaining my numerous 'wat if's.

it breaks my heart that 15 months on, things r not ever the same again...or even with the same tinge of sweetness.
It breaks my heart cos i predicted that 15 months is the longest that a honeymoon can ever go.








n the tears come out like vomit now.

Can't wait.

I can't wait to reopen Incredulously Rara site once i finish my last day of service.

I'm trying very hard at the mo' to get my heart out in tears n be the real person i m again.
N this website is all tt i was bout.
I'm not stuck to looking back n not looking forward. But really.
I need a continuity.

U used to make flying bearable n still do.
but now the empty feeling in my tum is definitely felt.
I'm trying to be strong. but i guess my tolerance levels r not to yr expectations.
I'm sorry.

An Expert Wallower.

Im good at wallowing.

I like to sink into my deep dark hole n wait for my knight in bright white to fish me out.
Sometimes , maybe i do not even want to be fished out like a damsel in distress.
And prefer to wallow.

The heart is a formidable tool.
Once it's set on something, it's set.
No changing my mind.

Well this time i'm set.
N im set on being upset.

No amount of coercing will get me to crawl out.

Right now i'd like to stay here.
I dun wanna hear anything, say anything or do anything anymore.
Enough is enough.

Dun use Time as yr excuse.
Cos Love triumph Time anyday.

I jus wish for my tears n angst to pour out for real.
Not stuck in between my throat n lungs like puke unable to pour out.
It's preventing me from beathing in deep during yoga sessions n my massage sessions.
It's painful.
so just set it n me free.
I beg for nothing else but it.

Angst.

i'm still waiting im still waiting imstillwaitingimstillwaiting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY DO U NOT SEE ITTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I hate that i never have the place to argue with you
I hate that i never get what i want from you
I hate that im always here for you
I hate that i always have to say to ask to make myself known

I hate that i have to hide my anguish
my angst
I hate that i have to be subtle
be considerate
be patient.

It's not who i am!
I hate i hate i hate!!!!

I hate that I have to repeat myself over n over n that u never see it.

probably never ever will GET ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate that every other woman gets it n i don't.

I hate.

I hate that i have no more strength to hate it.

I think i'm bursting. anytime. soon.

I don't wanna wait.....

I'm waiting for my good thing to happen to me.
I know it will come when i leave the airline.
N i dun wanna wait til January anymore.
But i can't dun wait. Sigh...
It's so hard..... this waiting....

My little daydreams of babysitting my frenz' babies....
Having my own dog....
Being around for my friends n my family n my loved one...
Will come true soon...

Dodo hang in there....
63 days more to the 7th Jan 2010....
Hang in therrrrreeeeee.....

*gasp*

All Set to Go....

I used to enjoy flying cos I actually enjoyed serving customers.

Go the extra mile. Put a smile on their faces. Make wat went wrong in the other parts of the service chain right. Have them say 'thank you' to me n really mean it n i beam from the inside.

But customers nowadays r pretty much unappreciative n f*cked up.
Just cos they pay that $30 more than a competing airline for the so called premium service, they expect $3000 worth of extra service.

Some behave like they own your soul as well, just because they patronise us.

So okie........

Now i hate my customers.

I hate interacting with them.
I hate explaining things to them.
I hate smiling at them n saying sorry cos $#^%&&$%%&*$@ the truth is I HAVE NOTHING TO BE SORRY BOUT!!!

*take deep breaths.......* phew..

See. i get worked up easily now.

;]

So when things used to get this way.....
I enjoyed flying simply by looking forward to the destinations i have on my roster...

But I jus got back from one of my favourite flights to Tokyo n L.A.
N i felt like it was such a drag having to go out to buy stuff like shampoo, bras, dog grooming books, snacks for gifts n self...... things i stock up on to prep for the day i stop flying

So it has even become a drag to do anything else but sleep in the room.
Even the food no longer excites me.

I jus miss Sg zi char more when i away...

I miss going to yoga class.
i start to want nothing more than staying at home.
I start to hate my life. I hate my colleagues n my job.
I hate tt i only come home n see ppl's Halloween pics on Fb n blogs, but unable to participate for years....
I hate that i have to spend money buying all these 'necessities' overseas. n i really didn't deviate from my shopping list this time.... ArGh

i really wish i can just go.
With no worries bout money, credit card bills, phone bills, mama bills, tax bills...

i really really really really really really just cannot wait to go.