Feeling fly like a G6~

Dunno y......

just... weeheee! ;D

Though im angry at bestie's bro for defaulting on my logo design n collaterals...

Though my bank acct is in the red while still awaiting tt loan to come in from... wow... such a good fren who does trust me. *touched*

Though i, kinda in a fucked up open relationship that will not go anywhere...

Well definitely not in the direction i want it to be going towards.. sigh.

But WTF. Im feeling fly.

Cos i have life! wahahhaha

nite!

Missed Opportunities vs missing opportunities...

Since I adopted dog, i've had to turn down 1 offer to go to China, Beijing. 

N another to India.

All of which will b such good opportunities n exposure n will pretty much make me invincible in what im doing.

Yeah invincible is exaggerating. ;p

The old me will put the blame on dog for the missed opportunities.

But now, when i look at him n see the devotion he has for me in his doggie eyes, i feel wrecked with guilt for even considering him a burden.

He lives n breathes for me. 

For me to bring him out to walkies. For me to put food into his bowl. For me to pat him on his head. For me to settle into bed at night before he falls into deep sleep in his fave corner.

And i understand. 

That by having him from the very beginning, I've chosen to miss these opportunities.

And therefore, they aren't really missed.

Pun intended. ;p

Dear doggie, i pledge to love u as u r loving me. 

I promise not to leave you without me too much, for an extended period of time.

N i will always hug n pat u :)

His tail is wagging now. haha~

Merlin's Beard!?!

After watching Sorcerer's Apprentice, 

Do: Why do they have this saying or exclamation "Merlin's Beard!"??

Ed: Cos it would be rude to say Morghana's pubes.

-_-"

i want the extended instrumental version of Secrets. can someone send to me please??

N I keep having Mickey Mouse's version of Sorcerer's Apprentice in my head. super cute max!! ;)

Halloween costume idea!

Tt wizard hat thing n red robes! wheeee!

Videos found thru Google at reelsoundtrack.wordpress.com

Terms of Endearment...

Tonight, i got to think about terms of endearment...

For yr other half tt is...

I remember when i first started dating..

i was 15 going to 16..

Some boy from tuition group...

He used to call me dAh-Ling....

Cos my cheena name ends with a Ling sounding word...

N my 老师 used to call me Ah-Ling...

So tt stuck.

I really can't remember wat i called him.

Though the entire tuition grp n my gal pals always refer to him as Ah Hock.

Tt was super funny. ;D

Tt ended when he chided me for going to an eyebrow grooming session when he was broke. he couldn't see the reason why i go n spend 10 bucks to pluck eyebrows when he couldnt even afford a Mcdee's value meal for the two of us on dates after school...

When i was younger.. I was a ruthless eenie mienie lover..

I walked away from rships n never looked back.

I had them all on their knees, begging me to love them back. To return their affections for me.

When I was in JC, I dated a dude who was a retainee.

Someone who had to repeat Year 1 all over again.

N i tot tt was cool. u know. like Different.

So i walked into class w my careless attitude n floppy short hair which covered half my face, n ruthlessly flirted by eye contact.

Perhaps my eyes could speak better than I could.

Cos in truth i'm not very much a talker. Always very quiet ard pple im new to.

The air i carried was haughty yet in an understated way.

Always getting chided by my teacher for my horrible unladylike sitting postures in class.

I think the boys tot i was someone hard to conquer. though really, i din know i was portraying myself as tt.

Bingo! the shy guy took the bait.

N he called me Dear.

I can't remember wat i called him... once again.

But it ended after 15 months when i found out he was a self destructive person who used emotional blackmail on me in the form of hurting himself. like banging his head on the wall in the ladies' gym toilet when i refused to budge from my tantrum...

The break up was probably bad for him. Cos i would walk past him in the school canteen n not even acknowledge him once i said i wanted to end things

Mind you. Then, we only had pagers. Mobile phones were considered luxury n SMS was not even a common communication mode. 

Fuck, sometimes i wish we dun have such convenient ways of communicating as well.

Then angry emo drunk messages cannot b sent on crazy impulse n put the ball in the other person's court when he / she doesn't reply. u know wat i mean...

..................

Then, i met this pink haired guy while part timing at the hottest club in town.

I was 19, awaiting my A level results...

He was the sweetest guy i had ever known.

Taking the cab from the east to the west where i lived to pick me up for dates.

Never ever ever failing to send me home from his place to mine n then detour the cab back again. 

No matter wat time of the day n watever midnight charge nonsense.

He courted me slowly n surely. 

Bringing me home from Zouk in the middle of my work shift when i was burning at 38 d C n puking behind the club. Flowers. Soup left outside my door the next day. The best kisser i ever had then...

Brought me to my first R(A) movie before i turned 21. To my first holiday to BKK n HKG without my parents. n took so good care of me tt now when i look back, i realised he's much more mature than his 21 yrs then.

I called him Darling.

He said he preferred the term Baby.

I went 'eeks!! But i dun wanna b a baby! I wanna b a darling!"

Yeah *rolls eyes at the then me*

I think if i knew my 19 yr old self i will like slap her/me lor. so annoying!! eeeyurr!

He gave in to me... so many times..

Even when i argued tt if i dun tell him where or who i'd been with, it's not lying if i din do anything wrong.

He was the one who instilled in me the policy of honesty i fight for so badly in every rship now. Ironically.

Cos somehow over time, i came to experience having someone not account to me n got deeply hurt.

I look back now n wonder why was i so stupid?!? So immature

I was intimidated by his cyber dressing frenz though. The girls were aspiring models n they hung out with the coolest in town.

I was so young. Havent even started partying. Had terrible dress sense. Cos mummy dun bring me out shopping n i bought like 1 item every 6 months. n forever not enough clothes to wear one. 

I felt horribly inferior n he made me over.

Gave me a whole new wardrobe of choices. Stuff from Blackjack, cult brands...

Which i argued tt i dun like. i preferred mundane stuff. I haven't discovered my personal style yet then u see.

I seriously think i drove him hell crazy w my nonsensical childish stubborness...

N then i had to go n cheat on him..... w the mega ex.

N he forgave me.

n he took a short break from me. but saw me w the mega ex. n completely signed me off.

Though i din see wat the big deal was .... 

u see... i did say i was an eenie mienie lover back then. But hell lot ignorant n insensitive.

..............................

And then life started with the mega ex.

Who i was seeing anyway b4 pink hair dude. But unofficially. But he was my best fren. n soulmate.

So many nights we spent at the carpark downstairs just looking into the stars n having deep conversations about crazy things.

He was the one who came between me n pink hair.

Cos i was so torn between one who was a super sweet lover/caregiver/provider/teacher n the other who can simply complete my sentences n make me laugh all the freakin time...

Pink hair said he couldn't express himself to me cos he not as English ed as me. i was like ???

We dated for a good 3-4 mths unofficially. Cos he was gonna go back to London for college after serving national duty anyway.

We were stuck hip to hip. Every weekend hand in hand seen at Zouk.

But always telling ppl who asked if we r together..."no ah we r not together.." like duhhh....

We dated another 6 mths or so before we started having pet names for each other.

I dun remember how it started n how the hell it evolved to wat it is still today, even after separating.

But his mom call him B , short for Baby cos he's the youngest.

N i said 'eeeeek' im not gonna call him wat his mom call him!

We wrote alot to each other on postcards n love letters though we saw each other every day.

Thinking hard, it was from the mushy words tt our pet names came about.

He always said "Y r u so small n cute one!??!" (erm.. i wasn't ever tabby like now last time fyi.. -_-)

N once i wrote 'little beetle' on one of our love notes.....

which shortened to "beetle".....

N then one day i said softly, 'actually i always want u to call me tt."

N he went 'really?!?!" wide eyed n then gathered me in his bear like hug w a smile.

N the "Bee" moniker started between us. with little drawings of bees n flowers n crap la.

it had variations as the rest of the 4 yrs went by.

Boo, Boot, finally settling w Beet.

Which we still use now.

*shrugs* 

it's strange huh? Using a term of endearment with someone u've already broken up with???

We could nvr figure tt out ourselves either. hmm

.............................................

The next 2 cheating, lying losers i dated for 14 months n then 5 months were jus plain "Baby"

The relationships never had depth enough to have any kind of history or special stories...

Jus pain n hurt n lotsa self destruction on my side.

I seriously think it was my karma for being a eenie mienie lover when i was young n for cheating on pink hair guy.

N then also on the mega ex.

The tables turned on me definitely, as my luck in love ran out after the mega ex.

Sigh.

I'm writing this post becos im feeling fucked up bout running out of my favourite terms of endearments.

After having used variations of 'dear', 'darling' n so many from the root word 'baby'; what else is left for me to use huh?

Every relationship hence lover shld have a special place. At least to me.... n i wanna accord them each a special name mah.

Sigh.

Everytime i swore to myself to reserve the B word for someone i knew who i will spend the rest of my life with, everytime it fucks up.

So here I m...

Having called Beng 'bb' for at least 20 mths in our 22mths rship, i really m running out of options here m i not? ;(

N i dun ever wanna go back to dear' or darling' ever again cos it's just so..... eeek.

Like those couples who met thru SDU or something...

So there...

i know many couples call theirpartners 'bb'as well but i had one n only 'bb' in my life mah.

N if any of u can think of any more/other variation of the word "baby' for a lover...

Can share not???

Cos i sure as hell m not gonna call my hubby 'eh'. 

It has to b something catchy mah. Which can use angrily in quarrels, or passionately in bed one. 

That means no over gooey stuff like 'sugar' or 'babyboooo' or crap like tt.

Jus one or two syllables will b perfect! Easy to call when excited. ;D

*chuckles*

k night night!

Yes i know im crazy n long winded! 

Shut up n stop laughing at me! humph*

Whatya want from me? To be an eenie mienie lover??

Adam Lambert's tune ringing in my mind.

It's kinda like a bad song to be serenaded with, i think?

"Hey, slow it down
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Yeah, I'm afraid
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

There might have been a time
I would give myself away
(Ooh) Once upon a time
I didn't give a damn
But now here we are
So whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Just don't give up
I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Yeah, it's plain to see
That baby you're beautiful
And it's nothing wrong with you
It's me... I'm a freak
But thanks for lovin' me
Cause you're doing it perfectly

There might have been a time
When I would let you step away
I wouldn't even try but I think
You could save my life

Just don't give up
I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Just don't give up on me
I won't let you down
No, I won't let you down

So
Just don't give up
I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me"

Maybe it will be better if i had always been an eenie meenie lover from the start....

i shoulda been "the type to love 'em n leave 'em n disappear right after the song"...

Maybe i will have more fun then. *wry smile*

But i do know who is very likely an eenie meenie lover... ;D

Bestie...? this song is for ya!!

Someone Like You...

I think my closest friends all know what I do when i go thru a bad time.

I either...

Drink until im outta control.

Smoke til im outta control.

Blog emo-ly til all readers get turned off.

Vent my anger on public billboards like Facebook.

Read Shakespeare like obsessively trying to pose as a cheem' emo.

Tweet heavily. To the point of annoying cos i have a tendency to fill out yr entire page w my shit.

Maybe my bestie was right to have a bad feeling.

Cos this time i actually started a Twitter acct for my puppy.

Follow him @Baby_J_den for a dog's view on his life with his owner, ie, me.

I know right?

I'm definitely going crazy this time.

Perhaps even kinda schizo??

Well.. the point of this post really...

is this:

I got to thinking bout break ups n all tt jazz.

u know those quiet moments u have to yrself n u think where did it all start to go wrong, wonder y din things work out..

Thinking about all the good times n bad.

N how time flies from yr courtship period to the down in the dumps period.

N then i asked myself.

Why oh why. if at the very beginning I had doubts bout a dude, i couldn't ever stop myself from falling headlong into another possible disaster even when i kinda knew it would b a-coming one fine day?

I thumped out my heart for an hour n 15 mins on a private blog to him, closing all but 2 months of our draggy end...

But could never find the right words to tell him all tt face to face.

He was like my soulmate when the communication medium was virtual, thru a blog of all things.

When speaking over a phone would definitely result in a shouting screaming match, 

N when skin to skin, my head just stop reasoning, my heart jus stop beating the normal way n my foul mouth jus entirely clams up??

I had told myself maybe it was only the beginning stages of new love, tts y my heart skips all the time ard him.

Then only now i realise...

It's because initial attraction pulled the wool over my eyes.

We have extremely different point of views, values, morals, all of which r such important things.

When they say opposites attract, i think they mean stuff like character, personalities, hobbies...

But when fundamental things built into a person from since he/she was brought up in, now tt's a different story. Ain't it.?

I  did love him. Hell i did.

This 2 year relationship is the second longest to tt of the mega ex.

I will always love him too.

But the clashing n fighting as a result kinda killed us, me, him.....

Maybe, Well, i'm just wondering...

The Right One ain't someone we r attracted to in the first place. 

N then try so hard to make it work.

I think The Right One is someone unassuming. Someone whom we prob dislike at first instance...but discover tt we could really TALK to. communicate properly with. Feel with heart n soul what the other is thinking... as if by telepathy?

The Right One could just b tt soulmate everyone has to have.

But this one... well..could b just The One Who Got Away...

U know. 

Like , well, The One Who Got Away (TOWGA for short), is always the one where the rship was dramatic, full of love, n sacrifices... but was never enough to make it to Happily Ever After.

Each rship/persons shld have their individual TOWGA for different indiv reasons also la.

 

I had sworn before, on my life, never to share a dogwith a bf ever again.

N look wat i did!?!

My pup has gotten so emotionally dejected after losing a supposed Daddy tt he has freakin' gone n set up a twit acct for himself.

(K Im losing it. defintiely schizo liao) ;p

So now another question.

In a lifetime, how many TOWGAs can one have?

.

.

.

Duh. 

Of cos ONE la.

it might change as experiences stack up. new relationships come along. 

like playing musical chairs.

But yes, i have come to a conclusion in my foggy sleepy crazy feverish mind now tt everybody has a The Right One n a TOWGA in his/her lifetime.

Be honoured to b someone's TOWGA though. 

Cos they will always look back fondly n think of how their life would b better/spicier/happier with u than the one they end up with......

U will b the fork in their life path. 

A decision made tt left one possibility unexplored. For watever reasons...

Notice though, tt when one chooses someone else other than their TOWGA, the chosen one might not b The Right One (TRO)either.

So u could b left with wondering if yr TRO could still b out there waiting to b discovered by u. On top of wondering if yr TOWGA regards u the same way u regard them as well..

 Basically, it means tt even if u settled down. n u r someone like me who thinks too much. or watched too much SATC, u'll never b happy.....

KNN Now tt's wat i call serious mind fucking. 

Fuvk me Fuvk my Life Max~.  >;O

(yo bestie, u understand this shit or not?! wahahah)

What car am I?

So yours truly has been going out to play with a bunch of fly boys.
Though my role is purely that of 'mamasan' like...
Bringing entertainment to my single girlfriends n guy friends alike.

N Fly Boy AT had to tell me that gf TT is like a Ferrari that every man like to have.
Well. Said TT is well endowed with a gorgeous face n enviable body tt i do not have to elaborate on.
But then he said... 'I jus wanna have a Toyota lor, something that everybody has but will not WANT to have"

Which got me thinking...
WOW... which car brand am I?
I do not wish to be tt coveted Ferrari, cos i do not have tt sleek body n assets.
An Aston Martin would be reserved for celebrities n trophy girlfriends.

Sigh.....

Since Fly Boy AT did not wanna give me an immediate valuation, I can only imagine what kinda men come shop for me at the car showroom. ;( geez..

I do wish that I'm just a BMW.
the brand speaks for itself.
I will be troublesome when u dun maintain me well, but when i run, my engine purr like a beauty... n please my driver....
As I age, if i'm well maintained, i will run with u til the end of time.
If not, i will choke n cough n give u problems n require much more attention esp if the needed attention comes too late.

Well i do wish la.
As time passes n my number increases... i jus feel like an old Merc.
with a history of lousy heck care owners.
N giving my current driver a hell lotsa problems requiring major overhauls n reassurance n TLC.
N then the owner will jus give up cos of the high mainainence costs n pass me along to some other unsuspecting old Merc wanter.
Maybe my first owner had really loved me so much n polished n groomed me everyday, drove me without pushing my engines too hard, but we had to part cos of circumstances.
N it was my bad luck to appeal to subsequent horrid owners...

Ahhhh.... the life of a car...
the random owners/drivers it goes thru.
Have u ever imagined, if your car can talk to u.... wat would it tell u? ;)

I believe my family car might just b one of my soulmates...
For witnessing all kinds of conversations, moods, driving styles while my family members n myself are in it.

Well... i dunno la. maybe i talking rubbish....
Ten dogs to help out with later...
N i wanna prove tt i won't b late.
Good night!!

The Last One

When I forgot how much I used to love my job, Edd reminded me how happy I was 6 years back when I found out I got accepted.

D: Was I really really happy? I can't remember....
E: Yeah. It was a world class day.
D: Really???

N then I remembered.
I skipped, i giggled, I looked at the sky n at the planes passing and I smiled cos I imagined the freedom that would come to me soon.... seeing the world.......

I remembered when I got my first pay check.
I remembered when I finally finished paying for the school loan I owed with my own money.
The kind of empowerment n pride I felt.
I remembered when I got my first complimentary letter. The kind with my name on it.
The pride I put into my job.

I remembered the first n only time I cried after a flight.
It was my 3rd solo n my first team flight. N my team mates were mean n I sat in the toilet next to the bath tub at Thistle-something hotel in London while waiting for Rif to come, smoking and crying n feeling loserish cos I caved n cried. When i tot i would never ever...

I remembered the first time I saw the Eiffel Tower. And the overwhelming excitement when I was going to NYC, jus cos it was so SATC.

The anticipation waiting for each month's roster......

The learning curve was steep. Cos i was the sort who wanted to be good in everything that I do.
I wanted pple to trust me, say that I'm good. N if I was not, i only wanna be better.

The challenges kept coming... different work positions, different loads, different pple to work with, different stress levels....

Until................. it really became no more of a challenge anymore.

N then comfort n complacency set in.
I was really getting bored.
All I wanted was recognition for my hard work....

But it seemed not to bear fruit n certain mistakes were done at some crucial timings.
Medical leave, disciplinary lapses..........
put all my efforts back to naught.

N now here I m.

But I wonder when EVER again I will get to speak with the random ppl I do talk to at work everyday.
Some colleagues leave a distinct foot print in one's life, some just drift past with a mere shadow, not even a face.

Everyday, every different person, Always different jokes. different opinions.

Will I become boring now?

N lastly, cos i left the cast with the backstage passes, I'm so sad that I won't have first hand access to the stories n the cast backstage anymore...! ;(
Not to mention the privileges....

I'm sad. Really.
More than scared for the future.

Cos i think bout how happy n in love I was in the beginning....
N now the love affair had come to an end.
I really dunno how to go about mourning it....

N if the job is not really a thing u can hug n bid farewell properly to.....
How to get closure n say bye bye properly n move on??
I jus wanted to tell it.....
"I love u n will always do. Thank you for the good times, n the bad which toughened me up. For being the pillar in my life when everything else like my love life was meaningless. For giving me the chance to see the world. I only wished that I had made more good friends who could relate to u as well as me so I can keep u in my memories for longer. It's all like tt Aerosmith's song tt goes 'i dun wanna miss a thing...' "

Sigh why do i feel so alone in this feeling now?
Any other fly girls out there who have jus quit their jobs n feeling melancholic like i do??
I dun regret my decision at all, I jus wanna talk bout it.... like u know??? geeez

Resignation FAQs

So I serving my notice now right.
The other girls are completely envious n some awesomely jealous.
Others, well, they just try to make me feel bad that i quit.
Which also means they r, jealous.

These r some questions I kinda grew tired of answering...
Starting with the most often asked.

Question #1: So what r u gonna do after?
A: Slack around first lor. Finish my doggie grooming course. i believe in 船到桥头 自然直。
(which literally means, Whatever will be will be.)

N i stop saying more when they give me the skeptical look.
So sometimes i dun even bother to go on bout my doggie grooming thing.
Well alot of them i hardly know, so i cannot be bothered to explain myself.
I'm 28 going on to 29 very soon.
It's my last chance to make mistakes before i turn 30.
Make seemingly crazy decisions n live the bohemian life i always sort after.

I might take a different course in life. I might regret
Or change my mind.
Who knows?
You know exactly wat's gonna happen in 2010?
Mommy says there's gonna be another recession cos all the countries r in bad debts.
But nobody's told me if 2012 is really gonna happen or not in the first place!?!
So why not now? ;D

Question #2: SO u have found another job?
A: No. (in an indignant tone of voice)

Question #3 Then wat u gonna do!?!??!
A: (controls rolling eyes) Repeat answer in Q#1

Question #4: Where u gonna be??
A: Please see answer to Q#1.
In SG la. more specifically, in the day i will be somewhere in Jalan Kayu.
In the nights I will b in my bed, or my bf's. Duh. -.-


Question#5: Why you wanna quit???

A: *Sighs for dramatic effect* Come March it will be 6 years lei.
If it's my fellow colleagues i will say, "u not sian meh? everyday do the same things, take the same shit. I can't take it anymore. i feel like i wanna punch my pax"

If it's an outsider, (most of whom who feel like cabin crews' lives damn happening n earn alot of moolah n fucking fun to fly here n fly there) I have to explain more.

I'm sick of explaining.
Basically the job is shit.
Though i dun deny that i learnt the most lessons in life the past 6 years.
I had the happiest n the saddest memories.
I was surrounded by pple i love most n pple i dun know at all.
Instead of taking for granted everyday life as it is, I learnt that time is precious.

The first 3.5 years were the best.
Thereafter, my insides r craving for something better, something new. To push myself to be a better person.
I feel it's time to make my other dreams come true.
Since I can't grow up n b a chief anymore! ;)

Question #6 : So you gonna be tai tai lar! Getting married?!
A: Unfortunately, none of the above. Not even close!

Question#7: Then $$ how?

A: Saved enough for being jobless 6 months. Taking into account that I can't live the way I used to when i working la. No more impulse buying, no more going to clubs n ordering lotsa lotsa crazy drinks. Eat at coffee shops n food courts more. But pretty much the past 1 year I have cut down on everything else luxe.

Anyway i think i save more money on my days in SG. No H&M, overseas shopping = Safe.
Therefore, please do not intro me to any online shopping, sample sales, wat branded branded things anymore please. I'm also gonna cut down on reading fashion magazines.
The flesh can only stay strong THIS much..... ;D

Question#8 : That must have been a very brave decision u made.

A: In a way, yeah. I have been battling with the idea for 1 year. I tossed n turned in bed more n more when the timing drew closer.
I look at my bank balance everyday n fret that I dun have enough for my future plans.
I buy a piece of clothing n i beat myself up mentally.
I lost my iPhone n stabbed myself when i had to get an expensive replacement.
I looking for a cheaper place where I can renew n continue my yoga practice.
I no longer wanna sign anything to my credit cards, or debit cards.
I have arguments with bf cos of my own insecurity.
I still have yet to set myself a monthly pocket money budget n how to stick to it, but i imagine my cards might just b frozen into a block of ice Confessions of a Shopaholic style. -____-"
I'm quite stressed just thinking bout the whole financial thing.

BUT! Whatever will be will be. Ommmmmmmmmm~~

Question #9 (mostly from colleagues) : So how to quit ah??

A: Write letter, address to (I will send u the template if u want w adressee address all) n go back to main center, 3rd floor blah blah blah blah blah.

Outsiders probably dun understand why this is daunting to us cos the fact is, nomad workers like us have no office lor.
We dunno who is the head HR guy or who/which department to turn to for little stuff like claims n pay issues cos we r always on the road.
N the office does so many shuffling of staff around that the names behind each department do not have a face also.

All i know is that they were gonna hold my AWS if i tendered earlier, luckily when i tendered on the 4th, it was too late for accountign to hold my 13th month bonus. ALL of $1300 ONLY.
N they will also hold my allowances n pay for the whole month of Jan til i do clearance n only pay me in end Feb. That's being optimistic too.

Question#10: Good luck to you, all the best and the feeling must be damn shiok lar!
Then *groans* i wish i also can quit like you... *sulks n pout*

A: YAR the feeling damn shiok can! I wake up everyday feeling fresh n alive with the new chapter ahead!
N yes, u can make it happen too. Just make the decision, take the time u need to make sure u made the right decision (which is when u feel nothing good bout the job anymore) n take the first step out n DO IT.

Q#10 cont'd : But I cannooootttt. I wanna buy Jimmy Choo shoes on sale! $400 bucks also i just buy! I'm not so crazy bout bags but shoes shoes!! i will buy!! ........(continue chattering bimbotic- like until i wanna slap the bugger)

A: -____- ai', just find a rich bf n marry him la

Q#10 cont'd: Yar i believe that men supposed to support us women in terms of all these one lor, if any of them offer to buy for me i sure take one lar!!

Conversation evolves into one where the useless backboneless typical blood sucking leeches of a woman talk about where to score rich old men for boyfriends, ..... and wat else? More talk on bags n shoes n bags n shoes........ Fuck my life.

Incidentally, i think most men r such suckers that they let themselves be leeched off too, rich or not. R they stupid? Or r these sorta women more smart??
For u to judge.

Of cos not all stewardesses are like that laaaarrr.......
Those like that one of cos NOT my friends. hahahaha~
But so far, i think like 50% of the girls r like that, superficial n bimbotic.
Wonder if that applies to the rest of the women population out there. hmmm.
But that's another topic for another post.

010110

My hangover lasted a good whole day on the last day of 09.
Ushered in the new year wrapped up in bed nursing a headache n counted down the last few mins with Co over the phone.
It has been a loooooooooonnnnng time since i spoke to a gf on the phone so long lor!
Think last time is secondary 2!!!
That's a good 14 years back!

I guess technology made it too easy for ppl to communicate, wat with facebook, twitter, msn, sms etc.
We tend to communicate while multi tasking, like feeding our Cafeworld, cyber stalking on blogs n facebook... that we dun really concentrate on our conversations?

Haha.
So there we were, 2 homely girls staying in on NYE talking on the phone cos EVERYBODY is out.
But i found peace for once. ;D

I've also decided to semi-quit the clubbing scene.
Just had A MOMENT when i stood amongst the maddening crowd at the smoking area in Zouk after losing my phone. Kinda(actually Very) smashed n had tunnel-like vision n only smattering vague pieces of memory....
Ppl leaving messages for me on facebook n i'm like ...."did i buy her a Kiss of Death too??", finding out bout my night bit by bit like in the movie The Hangover. -_-"

Argh. I'm also still trying very hard to remember who i had THAT conversation with. I hope I vetted wat came outta my mouth.

Not only that, my party khakis have mostly grown outta it it feels like. They were all like yawning n complaining of spinning heads after a few drinks.
And drinking is expensive.....

So there, a semi New Year's resolution.

1st Jan first thing in the morning, I decided to accept the friends' offer n get a new iPhone.
I'm still feeling post purchase dissonance. ;(
Not only for having to outlay more $$ for a stupid phone, but also for inconveniencing my friends n taking up their time also.
Aiyoh! i dunno how to repay that favour A&C!!


Sinking feeling also when Beng called me n told me his dad was in hospital.
my first thought was "shit! not on the first day of the new year!"

And somehow, I'm excited bout this whole baby thing.
Been a long time since i held a newborn in my arms n coo at the wrinkly little new arrival. :)

2010.
Keep being good k?

New Year's Resolution

It feels like we've had hooked up forever.
Was looking thru some photos n Jul'08 i was still fooling around and rampantly imbibing alcohol like nobody's biz every wed fri n sats.

Hmmm..

Anyway, a recap of the past years' Christmases... as way back as i can remember...

2003:
think i was working at Penny Black.
It was the post SARS period n I had been outta school since Mar i think. n jus quit my job at Kraftig advertising cos they paid me $1500 only n worked me like a slave.
Mega ex bf was back for the holidays but i seriously cannot remember if i spent it with his family.
Fuzzy fuzzy memory but i was quite sure i worked cos i worked on NYE as well tt year!

2004:
my first year flying.
Totally dun remember wat happened Xmas eve!
WTH!
FML.

2005:
Remembered it was post break up with mega ex by the time Xmas came along.
Touched down in London Xmas eve morning n rushed out to Marks & Spencer to buy microwavable food before everything closed by noon til Boxing Day.

Got drunk in the crew room with a bunch of colleagues, non of whom i remember the names nor faces! Meaningless i know!

2006:
Tough year, tough relationship.
Ironically, touched down in London Xmas eve morning a-fuckin-gain n rushed out to M&S to buy microwavable food again before everywhere shuts by noon til Boxing Day. -_-"

Yup, got drunk in one of my superior's room cos it was their team flight n spewed red wine into toilet bowl once i stepped into my room.

Only remember 3 faces n names of those colleagues i spent Xmas eve tt year with. All of whom i've never seen again since.

Called then bf n emo-ed to him hence ending up in a hugeass unnecessary argument which lingered over into Xmas day itself.

Not only that.

My Xmas present tt year from my then dearest? A mouse.
The first wireless mouse called The Mighty Mouse from Apple then.

But WTF!?!? I got a fucking mouse for Xmas from a bf?!??!?!
-__-

2007:
Tougher year than the last, culminating in 2 heartbreaking episodes w fucked up men.
k maybe im the fucked up one.

Had flu n all n took MC cos my heart was pining n i was in pain.
Went to Zouk n mildly flirted with buddy's best friend n pretty much everybody else.

Night ended in tragedy when i spotted freshly broken ex hand in hand with...... his ex b4 me.

Ran away to Shenton Way Partyworld to seek comfort in other friends n ended up crying n super drunk n home at 6 in the morning.

Spent Xmas day itself contemplating suicide.
Like serious!

2008:
Kicked up a fuss when travelling to bf's place by cab in the evening.
Who was i kidding. it was storming n i din have enough cash in my purse n i was bringing the love in my love the best pressie in the world.
Best as in most suited n broke my record as the most expensive thing ever bought for someone else la.

Upset with my pressie but it sure felt good when the receiver teared cos he was touched by my present.

Had dinner at Fish n Co n headed to Zouk for my gf's Hen Night.
Oh. not forgetting i had my wisdom teeth extracted just to take MC for the whole stretch til New Year's too!

Spent the next week being unhappy bout my pressie though i tried very hard to suppress it.

2009:
Spent the whole day in my room in Paris sulking n PMS-ing cos I had sore throat n gastric flu n no one to hold around the arm/waist to take a stroll with me in the wintry streets of Paris.

Picked on bf.
bf explodes.
Suggest break up.
bf accepts.
he goes on to delete our couple album n untag himself off our sweet kishy wishy mushy couple pics. on the same night.
I >EXPLODE<.

Depart Paris on Xmas eve evening (SG time).
At the point in time where u guys were counting down n hugging each other n wishing each other Merry Xmas, n when normal loving couples were snuggled up like in the SATC movie sipping champagne n making out under the mistletoe, Lao Niang is curled up in the uncomfy crew bunk damn shagged out cos still sick.

Needless to say, spent Xmas arguing w bf.
Screaming n shouting til throat hoarse n eyes swollen til X2.
Mom tried to intervene cos the screaming n sobbing could b heard in 4 corners of house she claimed.
Been hiding in room since I got back yesterday morning.
Meals had: 2 sandwiches, 1 bottle of red, n 02 eggs scrambled tt was this morning 0530 hrs or so.

.................................................

So yeah,
at least 5 consecutive years of crappy Xmas eves n Xmas spent.
With 2008 being the most decent.
At least i got pressie.

My New Year's resolution is gonna be this n I'm so gonna omfg regret ever making this.

But I dun wanna celebrate Xmas anymore.

I mean who am i kidding!? it's supposed to be the season of giving but it's always the season of break ups n heartache.
fuck my life.
Ptui* i dun want to celebrate it anymore!!!!!!! *shakes fists n clench teeth n screams*

hehe.
It's like how i stopped making Valentine's Day special in my heart since the mega ex went away to London to school at tender age of 21 for me.
N after that it was always working on V days.
Working at Dome, working onboard...
The only good ones were 2008 when i was actually brought to dinner.
N the other one 2006 i think when i went with my ex teamgal to Stonehenge in London.
Fuck my Life.

And because Xmas n New Year's are always so close to each other, the heartaches spill over all the time n im always called up for some nonsense flights n getting drunk with weird strangers or counting down w no one on the stupid plane with annoying passengers n shit like tt lar.

I think i can safely say tt im eradicating celebration of NYE as well as a special day for me.

I think I'll only resume celebrating them when i have my own family n home n will host beautiful house parties like i always imagine Xmas n NYE should be. Not meaningless drunking n partying.

So yes, that's part of the story of my life.
Geeez, I never realised i've had such crappy Xmases til i really put it down in black n white.
Fuck my Life big time! >:D

p/s i will make resolution to quit smoking n binge drinking when i stop having crappy Xmases!!! bleahG!

Happy Boxing Day!

Geez, what's the point of ultra long weekends when there r no plans...*grouch*

But oh well.
Staying at home saves me lotsa money!
As you all know, I is gonna quit come first week Jan n will serve notice til Feb.
Thereafter, I will be jobless for dunno how long, doing something i dun want to tell u guys.

Hahaha! no lar.
I'm jus sick of repeating myself whenever pple ask me what i'm gonna do after.
Then u see their faces drop after hearing my reply n they look at me like i'm crazy.

So yes, i'm aware of the terrible economic climate out there.
No i do not have any back up plan for my plan.
Oh, yeah, i think i will like shrivel up n die if forced to work in an office environment.
N yeahhhhh.... please dun remind me that i'm already turning 29 in 2 months' time n time is not really on my side for any more frivolity.

SIGH.

I KNOW. OKIE.



But i do also know that i'm looking forward to this big change.
For once then, i will be doing stuff for myself on my own.
Of cos it is more challenging to keep oneself motivated esp when there r no authorities behind for the push factors.
I believe that as the time comes closer, I will ready my mind for all of that crap lar.
N i also believe that once i get on the intended path, the light at the end of the tunnel will guide me along.
A real entrepreneur will need to have a positive mindset! BleahG! ;p


And since we r on tt topic, i'm gonna b buay pai say n ask that u click on tt Nuffnang ad thing each time u come visit my blog.
Well it changes quite often now doesn't it? like every fornight?
Well today it's The Dogs movie trailer or something.
You will contribute dunno wat 1 cent or something with every unique visit or dunno how they count it la. (Obviously u see the plain template of my humble blog u can deduce tt i'm either a very lazy person or highly computer illiterate. Unfortunately it's the latter n here i m shamelessly asking for u to click more often on my very plain blog. argh!~)

Aiyah no virus or wat la. Confirm one. Maybe a cookie or two only. but then again Facebook's full of cookies!!! ;D

I pledge to entertain you with my random musings, daydreams, rantings, words, whatever i can manage. okie? ;)

Cos really, I think too much like ALL the time n I have been shut up for a really long time!
Now i will start to Blah Blah Blah~ again til yr ear drums hurt!

Eeeps time's up, my buttermilk pancakes r ripe in Cafeworld liao!
Laters~

Standby.

They say that happy people dun just sit around n wait for good things to fall into their laps.

I want to go out there n get things done too!!
You know, like groom doggies n earn some freelance money eventually.

But here i am....
Sitting on my bed with my lappie til bed sores form..
Cos i'm on standby again..
From being on MC yesterday.
*grouch*

Im vegetating big time n hoping they won't call me for any flight yet hoping they will disrupt my NRT morrow.
Zzzz major oxymoron.

Well to look on the bright side i better enjoy this while it last.
When im jobless n income-less come Feb 2010, I'll have to be off my ass most of the time looking for alternative sources of $$! ;)

Ahhhhhh soo looking forward to being in control of my own time.
No more running on rosters n schedules n standby like a company-owned whore.
Like seriously! ;p

2010 will be a good year.
I can feel it looming!!! Quick quick time pass faster faster.
I'm not looking forward to celebrating xmas or nye. jus want the year to faster pass!!!