The Last One

When I forgot how much I used to love my job, Edd reminded me how happy I was 6 years back when I found out I got accepted.

D: Was I really really happy? I can't remember....
E: Yeah. It was a world class day.
D: Really???

N then I remembered.
I skipped, i giggled, I looked at the sky n at the planes passing and I smiled cos I imagined the freedom that would come to me soon.... seeing the world.......

I remembered when I got my first pay check.
I remembered when I finally finished paying for the school loan I owed with my own money.
The kind of empowerment n pride I felt.
I remembered when I got my first complimentary letter. The kind with my name on it.
The pride I put into my job.

I remembered the first n only time I cried after a flight.
It was my 3rd solo n my first team flight. N my team mates were mean n I sat in the toilet next to the bath tub at Thistle-something hotel in London while waiting for Rif to come, smoking and crying n feeling loserish cos I caved n cried. When i tot i would never ever...

I remembered the first time I saw the Eiffel Tower. And the overwhelming excitement when I was going to NYC, jus cos it was so SATC.

The anticipation waiting for each month's roster......

The learning curve was steep. Cos i was the sort who wanted to be good in everything that I do.
I wanted pple to trust me, say that I'm good. N if I was not, i only wanna be better.

The challenges kept coming... different work positions, different loads, different pple to work with, different stress levels....

Until................. it really became no more of a challenge anymore.

N then comfort n complacency set in.
I was really getting bored.
All I wanted was recognition for my hard work....

But it seemed not to bear fruit n certain mistakes were done at some crucial timings.
Medical leave, disciplinary lapses..........
put all my efforts back to naught.

N now here I m.

But I wonder when EVER again I will get to speak with the random ppl I do talk to at work everyday.
Some colleagues leave a distinct foot print in one's life, some just drift past with a mere shadow, not even a face.

Everyday, every different person, Always different jokes. different opinions.

Will I become boring now?

N lastly, cos i left the cast with the backstage passes, I'm so sad that I won't have first hand access to the stories n the cast backstage anymore...! ;(
Not to mention the privileges....

I'm sad. Really.
More than scared for the future.

Cos i think bout how happy n in love I was in the beginning....
N now the love affair had come to an end.
I really dunno how to go about mourning it....

N if the job is not really a thing u can hug n bid farewell properly to.....
How to get closure n say bye bye properly n move on??
I jus wanted to tell it.....
"I love u n will always do. Thank you for the good times, n the bad which toughened me up. For being the pillar in my life when everything else like my love life was meaningless. For giving me the chance to see the world. I only wished that I had made more good friends who could relate to u as well as me so I can keep u in my memories for longer. It's all like tt Aerosmith's song tt goes 'i dun wanna miss a thing...' "

Sigh why do i feel so alone in this feeling now?
Any other fly girls out there who have jus quit their jobs n feeling melancholic like i do??
I dun regret my decision at all, I jus wanna talk bout it.... like u know??? geeez