Terms of Endearment...

Tonight, i got to think about terms of endearment...

For yr other half tt is...

I remember when i first started dating..

i was 15 going to 16..

Some boy from tuition group...

He used to call me dAh-Ling....

Cos my cheena name ends with a Ling sounding word...

N my 老师 used to call me Ah-Ling...

So tt stuck.

I really can't remember wat i called him.

Though the entire tuition grp n my gal pals always refer to him as Ah Hock.

Tt was super funny. ;D

Tt ended when he chided me for going to an eyebrow grooming session when he was broke. he couldn't see the reason why i go n spend 10 bucks to pluck eyebrows when he couldnt even afford a Mcdee's value meal for the two of us on dates after school...

When i was younger.. I was a ruthless eenie mienie lover..

I walked away from rships n never looked back.

I had them all on their knees, begging me to love them back. To return their affections for me.

When I was in JC, I dated a dude who was a retainee.

Someone who had to repeat Year 1 all over again.

N i tot tt was cool. u know. like Different.

So i walked into class w my careless attitude n floppy short hair which covered half my face, n ruthlessly flirted by eye contact.

Perhaps my eyes could speak better than I could.

Cos in truth i'm not very much a talker. Always very quiet ard pple im new to.

The air i carried was haughty yet in an understated way.

Always getting chided by my teacher for my horrible unladylike sitting postures in class.

I think the boys tot i was someone hard to conquer. though really, i din know i was portraying myself as tt.

Bingo! the shy guy took the bait.

N he called me Dear.

I can't remember wat i called him... once again.

But it ended after 15 months when i found out he was a self destructive person who used emotional blackmail on me in the form of hurting himself. like banging his head on the wall in the ladies' gym toilet when i refused to budge from my tantrum...

The break up was probably bad for him. Cos i would walk past him in the school canteen n not even acknowledge him once i said i wanted to end things

Mind you. Then, we only had pagers. Mobile phones were considered luxury n SMS was not even a common communication mode. 

Fuck, sometimes i wish we dun have such convenient ways of communicating as well.

Then angry emo drunk messages cannot b sent on crazy impulse n put the ball in the other person's court when he / she doesn't reply. u know wat i mean...

..................

Then, i met this pink haired guy while part timing at the hottest club in town.

I was 19, awaiting my A level results...

He was the sweetest guy i had ever known.

Taking the cab from the east to the west where i lived to pick me up for dates.

Never ever ever failing to send me home from his place to mine n then detour the cab back again. 

No matter wat time of the day n watever midnight charge nonsense.

He courted me slowly n surely. 

Bringing me home from Zouk in the middle of my work shift when i was burning at 38 d C n puking behind the club. Flowers. Soup left outside my door the next day. The best kisser i ever had then...

Brought me to my first R(A) movie before i turned 21. To my first holiday to BKK n HKG without my parents. n took so good care of me tt now when i look back, i realised he's much more mature than his 21 yrs then.

I called him Darling.

He said he preferred the term Baby.

I went 'eeks!! But i dun wanna b a baby! I wanna b a darling!"

Yeah *rolls eyes at the then me*

I think if i knew my 19 yr old self i will like slap her/me lor. so annoying!! eeeyurr!

He gave in to me... so many times..

Even when i argued tt if i dun tell him where or who i'd been with, it's not lying if i din do anything wrong.

He was the one who instilled in me the policy of honesty i fight for so badly in every rship now. Ironically.

Cos somehow over time, i came to experience having someone not account to me n got deeply hurt.

I look back now n wonder why was i so stupid?!? So immature

I was intimidated by his cyber dressing frenz though. The girls were aspiring models n they hung out with the coolest in town.

I was so young. Havent even started partying. Had terrible dress sense. Cos mummy dun bring me out shopping n i bought like 1 item every 6 months. n forever not enough clothes to wear one. 

I felt horribly inferior n he made me over.

Gave me a whole new wardrobe of choices. Stuff from Blackjack, cult brands...

Which i argued tt i dun like. i preferred mundane stuff. I haven't discovered my personal style yet then u see.

I seriously think i drove him hell crazy w my nonsensical childish stubborness...

N then i had to go n cheat on him..... w the mega ex.

N he forgave me.

n he took a short break from me. but saw me w the mega ex. n completely signed me off.

Though i din see wat the big deal was .... 

u see... i did say i was an eenie mienie lover back then. But hell lot ignorant n insensitive.

..............................

And then life started with the mega ex.

Who i was seeing anyway b4 pink hair dude. But unofficially. But he was my best fren. n soulmate.

So many nights we spent at the carpark downstairs just looking into the stars n having deep conversations about crazy things.

He was the one who came between me n pink hair.

Cos i was so torn between one who was a super sweet lover/caregiver/provider/teacher n the other who can simply complete my sentences n make me laugh all the freakin time...

Pink hair said he couldn't express himself to me cos he not as English ed as me. i was like ???

We dated for a good 3-4 mths unofficially. Cos he was gonna go back to London for college after serving national duty anyway.

We were stuck hip to hip. Every weekend hand in hand seen at Zouk.

But always telling ppl who asked if we r together..."no ah we r not together.." like duhhh....

We dated another 6 mths or so before we started having pet names for each other.

I dun remember how it started n how the hell it evolved to wat it is still today, even after separating.

But his mom call him B , short for Baby cos he's the youngest.

N i said 'eeeeek' im not gonna call him wat his mom call him!

We wrote alot to each other on postcards n love letters though we saw each other every day.

Thinking hard, it was from the mushy words tt our pet names came about.

He always said "Y r u so small n cute one!??!" (erm.. i wasn't ever tabby like now last time fyi.. -_-)

N once i wrote 'little beetle' on one of our love notes.....

which shortened to "beetle".....

N then one day i said softly, 'actually i always want u to call me tt."

N he went 'really?!?!" wide eyed n then gathered me in his bear like hug w a smile.

N the "Bee" moniker started between us. with little drawings of bees n flowers n crap la.

it had variations as the rest of the 4 yrs went by.

Boo, Boot, finally settling w Beet.

Which we still use now.

*shrugs* 

it's strange huh? Using a term of endearment with someone u've already broken up with???

We could nvr figure tt out ourselves either. hmm

.............................................

The next 2 cheating, lying losers i dated for 14 months n then 5 months were jus plain "Baby"

The relationships never had depth enough to have any kind of history or special stories...

Jus pain n hurt n lotsa self destruction on my side.

I seriously think it was my karma for being a eenie mienie lover when i was young n for cheating on pink hair guy.

N then also on the mega ex.

The tables turned on me definitely, as my luck in love ran out after the mega ex.

Sigh.

I'm writing this post becos im feeling fucked up bout running out of my favourite terms of endearments.

After having used variations of 'dear', 'darling' n so many from the root word 'baby'; what else is left for me to use huh?

Every relationship hence lover shld have a special place. At least to me.... n i wanna accord them each a special name mah.

Sigh.

Everytime i swore to myself to reserve the B word for someone i knew who i will spend the rest of my life with, everytime it fucks up.

So here I m...

Having called Beng 'bb' for at least 20 mths in our 22mths rship, i really m running out of options here m i not? ;(

N i dun ever wanna go back to dear' or darling' ever again cos it's just so..... eeek.

Like those couples who met thru SDU or something...

So there...

i know many couples call theirpartners 'bb'as well but i had one n only 'bb' in my life mah.

N if any of u can think of any more/other variation of the word "baby' for a lover...

Can share not???

Cos i sure as hell m not gonna call my hubby 'eh'. 

It has to b something catchy mah. Which can use angrily in quarrels, or passionately in bed one. 

That means no over gooey stuff like 'sugar' or 'babyboooo' or crap like tt.

Jus one or two syllables will b perfect! Easy to call when excited. ;D

*chuckles*

k night night!

Yes i know im crazy n long winded! 

Shut up n stop laughing at me! humph*