Grieve finish, then relief.

Finally after close to 4 weeks, i finally accepted tt things had happened n r staying the way it should.

Time has finally fast forwarded n i'm no longer tt walking zombie, obsessed with wondering what is he up to.

Maybe sometimes, when u take time away from each other, you start to see the little things tt blinded u in the first place.

Like why his jokes seldom seemed funny to me. sometimes even lame. And realised wat i loved bout him is his reaction, his use of language n close to awful ah beng directness. haha

Like how our tastes in stuff like music, interests r how poles apart. N like when i go to KTV with him, i can never sing Mandarin duets with him. 

Im sure a person who so loves singing K shld deserve a proper duet partner right? *sigh*

Like how i always love the glitter n glamour of the little things tt happen ard me. n i love to bask in attention. But he never brings out tt side of our life together out for me, plus the fact tt he's totally different in this aspect as well.

I was blinded. 

But now i realise, that maybe some pple weren't meant to love certain pple.

N certain pple weren't meant to love me for the rest of my life.

It's how incredibly sad.

Cos i wonder, when Love slowly dissipates into thin air......... where does it float away to?

;(

I think for the first time actually, i'm actually going thru the whole proper process of grieving over a break up all alone.

The other times i had rebounds, over lapping shit n all.

I'm proud of myself for not running into the arms of another random man who fancies me for emotional shelter this time. :)

It's still difficult, sometimes. 

Especially when the tot tt he doesn't n won't miss me at all the way im missing him enters my head.

But i figure it's like coming to terms with death.

The vividness of memories will slowly fade n become blurry.

Along with the pain. And any leftover feelings or strains of love left.

And all that is left will b a fuzzy memory....

And then the thing u miss wont be the person anymore, but jus the good times which made u smile...

At this very moment, i will say "bb i miss u" but i know he doesn't miss me the same way anymore.

Simply cos i also know he doesn't come here to read me anymore too.

Cos his life has caught up with him n his focus has shifted to his new short term goal.

And his long term goals does not include me anymore. 

A part of me died along w our dead rship.

Now i'm waiting for the next stage of after-grieving.

Which is finding out whether my heart will still beat for someone else after all these......