Sunday, March 21, 2010

Love, like rain.......

"Love, like rain, can nourish from above, drenching couples with a soaking joy.
But sometimes, under the angry heat of life,
Love dries on the surface and must nourish from below,
Tending to its roots,
Keeping itself alive."

- The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom


I devoured this book in one sitting(actually only bout 4-5 hours), on this Saturday night when i'm at home.

When I picked up the book again after a shower, boyfriend came by with surprise dinner tapao jus when I was settling for yoghurt n potato crisps for a late dinner. 

That was nice...... :)

Actions like these, n those of little initiatives, like holding my hand n telling me everything is gonna be fine whilst in an argument....
are to me like love in the rain.

It falls over us n reaches the grounds, n gets stored beneath the earth's surface for use again when too much heat n sun takes a toil on us. 
It can then be tapped from the roots of our love again, for days when the love no longer falls like rain.
How much is in our love reservoir?
How deep underground do our roots of love stretch?

I stress again and always on the foundations of a relationship.
Communication, understanding..... lotsa talkin talkin talking....
To me... when a couple gets each other, it's everything. Ain't it?

.................................................

Nearing 3/4 of the book, parents started hollering at each other in the bedroom
Well, more like my dad hollering n my mom speaking in hushed tones.
Sounded to me like 1 wanting very very much to communicate n talk n be heard n be understood. While the other simply was too lazy to do so. 
N they do this all the time!?

N I feel the pain of both, u know?

The one who wishes to be heard n understood becomes more desperate n despaired when the other refuses to see things his/her way.
It becomes a lonely battle with one's own mind. 
How else do u get outta yr head what u wanna say, jus to one particular person, most of the time the closest to u?

The one who is simply too tired, blanked out from work, can't handle neediness, can't express self person will simply become horribly frustrated at the other person who keeps pushing his/her tots onto ownself.
He/she feels like the other is trying to force something outta them. n therefore, more frustrations.
Leading to anger.

SIGH.

It sounded n feels like my arguments with bf. 
Well. i dunno. 
There r bad days n there r good days.

I'm jus glad to be home tonight to witness my parents' fight. 
At least i know wat goes on beneath the surface, though im still wondering whether it was okie for me to intervene the way i did.
It affirmed the fact that i need to sit down with my mommy for a good heart to heart talk one day...
Well i think i shld make it soon.

N it also kinda added more stress for me being the eldest in the family n being jobless n kinda in between everything in life now.
Argh.
Esp when hearing daddy lamenting while in tt argument jus now bout how tired he is of working working working n how he feels like jus shirking responsibility n walking out.
I cant blame him really.... bearing the burden of a family of 4+1 on his aching, tired n sore knees is really bad.
(+1 cos of grandpa. n Grandpa is simply driving mom up the wall with his stupid elderly tantrums n quirks. n mom in turn drives dad up the wall cos she needs an outlet. i just wish it was Grandma instead of Grandpa though. Cos she's so much more of a delight to have around. Fuck. should i even be allowed to say this?!?!? Geez)

I have sore knees too, n i know exactly how bad it feels every single second.

I need a sign, a direction. Someone to tell me wat to do quick so i can relieve my sore kneed father before he can no longer walk.

Time to look into my reservoir of strength, which gets bigger n deeper as more Love Rain falls. 
I draw strength from my rship. I know it's a big risk to take. 
But tt's me, when im happy in love, nothing else matters.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Superheros by the Beach!


Date 21st March 2010, Sunday
Time 10am to 5pm
Venue East Coast Park E2 (next to East Coast Lagoon Hawker Centre)

Doggie Express Grooming by School of Pet Grooming for just $10!!

For more information on doggie contests n activities, please visit http://www.petschannel.com/events/details/superheros-by-the-beach/135

This is where i will be!! 
A yearly event! Bring yr pooch along to say hi! ;D

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Celebration of freedom...Realisation of New Prison.

For those of u who loved my old blog....
I've unlocked it... 
Whole n in 1 piece. ;)

Only thing is.. the links are all messed up cos i changed URL like many times during those turbulent times.

I might not have dyed my hair ah lian auburn like i swore i would. But now that Im outta the company, this is my way of celebrating my new found freedom. ;D

Hey come to think bout it, i haven't gone out n got drunk or did something really naughty even though I've had things to celebrate for lei! WTF!

Well, so here it is. 
www.disappeared-without-a-trace.blogspot.com

I know I havent been putting pics in this current blog, though the iPhone has made it much more convenient.
The arrival of Twitter has not helped either.

I looked thru my old posts n pics from 2008 only i had like an overdose of nostalgia.
Not only was i skinnier n leaner. I had soooooo many activities ALL the time!!
Going out to play. going out to sightsee. Group outings... OMG!

Why ... why did i let myself slip into someone I dun even recognise anymore?!?! when clearly i stated here that I would guard my heart with all my might n vowed never to get lost.

the excerpt:
"because when u lose yr head n expect unspoken things to be done to u n then settle all things spoken is not Shiok~

But also cos u can't help thinking tt time spent with yr friends makes u happier n less expectant...

I'm getting my head back becos of all the bad lessons i've learnt in Love.

Which is Lesson #706
NEVER have expectations..

-a) lesson will hurt u
-b) never expect behaviours of reciprocations becos of wat u do thru-out the process
-c) never lose yr head n imagine snapshots of bliss...

Truth is......

Reality of sleepiness n monday blues won't satiate yr romantic fantasies...

Shut up all u who ask me wat is a rship without expectations

It's is called a Pessimistic n 'dunno go where 'r-ship...."

Could it becos of this? When my walls came down?


Anyway, during the past week, i've managed to step back a little n look at things from a different perspective.
I've been in current relationship n staying in it jus wishing n waiting for the desired end result.
I've given up a large part of who i m for this guy.
I've seen that everyone around me including HIM have moved along in life n got better jobs, etc etc. 
But myself.

I see myself now n i wanna slap my pathetic self.
I lost tt fiesty catty side of me.
Cos i'm scared.

Honestly, i'm scared of not being able to find a good man
I'm scared of going thru the whole courtship/relationship process all over again with another person.
This is why i m still here.
Complaining, sulking... n STILL BLOODY NOT GETTING MY WAY.
My old blog used to get me my way all the time. (N got me into trouble! ;p)
It also used to make me heard all the time. I never cared who read my emo or embarrassing drunken post either.
So why did i start caring just cos he disapproved!??!?

I M who i M.
I believe now that when i forgot this simple fact.
SO DID YOU.

I'm gonna wake up tomorrow n remind myself of this. Tomorrow will be a better day. As will the day after n the day after. ;) This i promise u, my friends, n myself!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Positive Psych.

So talking bout applying positive psychology in life huh?

To me, Happiness could probably be attained by:

1) Getting over the stuff that makes one dissatisfied with life n turn it all around n make it seem postive lor (obviously easier said than done. FYL)

2) Striving to work very very hard so as to attain the goals, wants, needs, etc that satisfies one.
(Does not work in every aspect of life, for eg relationships, partner in life.)

3) Just live with it laaaar. (Read again Pt. #1) -_-

4) Making a decision to do away with the source of unhappiness n move on to seek personal nirvana. (Hard to do most of the times...)

5) Just enjoy the ups n cruise thru the downs, awaiting the next upper, if ever. (This is what i'm doing....)


K im feeling incredibly pessimistic now.
Doesn't matter even if at least 3 positive things happen to me each n everyday.
These positive things r still not what i like fanatically.
doooo dooo dooooooo~ *hums* SIGH~

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Digestible?

How would u take it if the love in yr life keeps telling u, over n over that yes, u r a priority in his life. But not the foremost thing on his mind.

Kinda an irony ain't it?

Monday, March 8, 2010

He's just Not that into you. If he's breaking up with you. - Excerpts from the book

"A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves.

If he's not calling you to tell you he loves u n wants u back, it shld only be because he's showing up at yr new residence to do it in person.

If he's not trying to romance yr socks off w dates, flowers, and poetry, it shld only be because he's too engrossed with his couples counselling workbooks n is priortising getting back on the right track.

If he's not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you."

Another:

"If he's not calling you to tell you he hired a U-haul to come pick up your stuff n move it back into his house, then consider yrself a nice, downy little pillow cushioning him from his feelings of lonliness and loss tt he's not fully ready to deal with on his own."

OMG What had I done?

I had this book for the longest time but i nvr read it til 2 nights ago.
Instead I chose to listen to other women. Who said that I was the one who expected too much.
"You think wat? like in drama series meh?? expect him to chase after u on the road ah?"

Obviously some of these women need to read this book too.

Yep. So i listened instead of sticking to my own beliefs n waited for 4 days before I went to get him.

I'm a door mat. FML.

So... wat shld i do now?

相爱没有那么容易 。


Cos 每个人有他的脾气。
This week's 93.3fm 's chart topper.

Dun ask me why. Cos the lalio at grooming school is forever turned to tt freaking chAnnel.

Give me a couple more months n I can comfyly integrate into KTV culture.

It's written in my 八字。 I'm destined to have relationship problems all my life cos of my 七杀 n dunno wat in my pillar of life. So... FML.

I wish my 正官 could b stronger. Then maybe I can b stronger more independent n can have my doggie store earlier.


Do u believe in fortune telling? If it is all written in the stars. N all we can do is to deviate tt little from our destined path in lives. Yet still having to face up to wat destiny has in store for us. Wat would u you do?

要还是不要。

It's a constant struggle for me.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, March 1, 2010

Lost in Translation

I'm confused.

No one really understands me these days.

I also dun understand myself now.

K for the first time, I have no words to describe wat i feel....

Just.. duh....

It's like my antenna is giving off wrong signs n signals all the time.

Argh.

K it was a really rough week.
Maybe i just need a drink.