Celebration of freedom...Realisation of New Prison.

For those of u who loved my old blog....

I've unlocked it... 

Whole n in 1 piece. ;)

Only thing is.. the links are all messed up cos i changed URL like many times during those turbulent times.

I might not have dyed my hair ah lian auburn like i swore i would. But now that Im outta the company, this is my way of celebrating my new found freedom. ;D

Hey come to think bout it, i haven't gone out n got drunk or did something really naughty even though I've had things to celebrate for lei! WTF!

Well, so here it is. 

www.disappeared-without-a-trace.blogspot.com

I know I havent been putting pics in this current blog, though the iPhone has made it much more convenient.

The arrival of Twitter has not helped either.

I looked thru my old posts n pics from 2008 only i had like an overdose of nostalgia.

Not only was i skinnier n leaner. I had soooooo many activities ALL the time!!

Going out to play. going out to sightsee. Group outings... OMG!

Why ... why did i let myself slip into someone I dun even recognise anymore?!?! when clearly i stated here that I would guard my heart with all my might n vowed never to get lost.

the excerpt:

"because when u lose yr head n expect unspoken things to be done to u n then settle all things spoken is not Shiok~

But also cos u can't help thinking tt time spent with yr friends makes u happier n less expectant...

I'm getting my head back becos of all the bad lessons i've learnt in Love.

Which is Lesson #706
NEVER have expectations..

-a) lesson will hurt u
-b) never expect behaviours of reciprocations becos of wat u do thru-out the process
-c) never lose yr head n imagine snapshots of bliss...

Truth is......

Reality of sleepiness n monday blues won't satiate yr romantic fantasies...

Shut up all u who ask me wat is a rship without expectations

It's is called a Pessimistic n 'dunno go where 'r-ship...."

Could it becos of this? When my walls came down?

Anyway, during the past week, i've managed to step back a little n look at things from a different perspective.

I've been in current relationship n staying in it jus wishing n waiting for the desired end result.

I've given up a large part of who i m for this guy.

I've seen that everyone around me including HIM have moved along in life n got better jobs, etc etc. 

But myself.

I see myself now n i wanna slap my pathetic self.

I lost tt fiesty catty side of me.

Cos i'm scared.

Honestly, i'm scared of not being able to find a good man

I'm scared of going thru the whole courtship/relationship process all over again with another person.

This is why i m still here.

Complaining, sulking... n STILL BLOODY NOT GETTING MY WAY.

My old blog used to get me my way all the time. (N got me into trouble! ;p)

It also used to make me heard all the time. I never cared who read my emo or embarrassing drunken post either.

So why did i start caring just cos he disapproved!??!?

I M who i M.

I believe now that when i forgot this simple fact.

SO DID YOU.

I'm gonna wake up tomorrow n remind myself of this. Tomorrow will be a better day. As will the day after n the day after. ;) This i promise u, my friends, n myself!