So I'm walking ard the house sniffing,
a result of grooming 2 guinea pigs without wearing a face mask earlier in the morning when already having a slight cough n sensitive nose from late nights n not enough rest since Fri nite.
And cursing lightly tt the smoke emitted from the joss sticks at the altar was irritating my nose further...
then his words suddenly sprang at me from my memory
"No i wasn't looking to the 9 days alone w u at all. There's no Why. I just was NOT looking forward to it!"
referring to when i heartbrokenly asked him why he didn't seem to mind me being alone going thru it all by myself when my parents left for holiday.
And right at tt moment everything became so clear to me. Clear as lightning.
He asked me to go back to him n promised the world. Never sounding out his limitations. Only making beautiful promises. Promises I wanted to hear.
And then he turned his back when his luck has a run up n shirks all responsibilities n even better still, says tt i was expecting more n more from him.
And tt he couldn't provide in the end.
Wat does one expect? he planted in me those false hopes n dreams rite? Pretty much like inception.
So i was down n out n broke n lost n jobless.
N i did say before then as well tt if i were alone, i won't even want myself for company either.
But when someone runs out on u. when u r in tt kinda dire situation.
How the hell does it feel?
N his words kept ringing in my head til now.
Not making sense with the nice things he made into words to comfort me bout the reasons or rather excuses he made.
Not making sense when i recalled how i needed help to babysit the dog on a certain day n he jus gave me a fucked up option of leaving (our) baby at his house under the care of a maid who had never met Baby J before... while he goes to attend some random company function.
It all makes sense now.
Cos tt certain CC girl whom he was flirting with was gonna b there. n he wasn't gonna miss out on her obviously crushed out attention she showers on to him. I found her blog by the way. Cos little does he know i have a common fren with her.
It all so bloody makes sense now.
And to think i was still thinking of him fondly this evening.
In fact every morning n every evening. since 6 weeks ago.
Cos he played the game right n said what he knew I would like to hear.
That he loves me n misses me still, but he needs to load up o his financial backing... n tt he will come back to get me in the future.
When obviously, i'm the last thing not to mention even to the level of something called priority, during this point in time.
The truth is out there.
When u love someone, you dun behave like this.
Selfish, uncaring, unbothered, unguilty, completely moving on, n relishing the attention of some dumb confused unstreetwise fresh face who find yr ah beng-ness a welcome change to her elite sheltered world.
How many times i screamed 'dun lie' at him.....
Yet he continued to play with my heart. Manipulating the weakness in my mind cos of my affections for him.
Why.
Why may i ask, tt men become such unfeeling, completely selfish creatures when they have a change of heart?
If u dun wanna look back, dun hold the other person back as well for a comfy cushy fall back option.
U may think u were not lying to me.
But to me, u were.
Cos u said things n promised things n made me change my confused mind n then u flip it all onto me n have the cheek to say its all "me n my crazy mind" for ruining us.
I say this for the last time.
Not only to u but to any other contenders out there.
Once u give me up for something or someone else, dun even look to getting even a morsel of me anymore. Not even a whiff of my scent.
N lastly Fuck You Very Much.
N yr friends as well.
Ptui*
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