Days in summer~

"He Likes me, i know he likes me. Of course i flatter him dreadfully. I find a strange pleasure in saying things to him that i know i shall be sorry for having said. As a rule, he is charming to me, and we sit in the studio and talk of a thousand things. Now and then, however, he is painfully thoughtless, and seems to take a real delight in giving me pain. Then i feel, that i have given away my whole soul to some one who treats it as if it were a flower to put in his coat, a bit of decoration to charm his vanity, an ornament for a summer's day."

"Days in summer, are apt to linger. Perhaps you will tire sooner than he will. It is a sad thing to think of, but there is no doubt that Genius lasts longer than Beauty. That accounts for the fact that we all take such pains to over-educate ourselves. In the wild struggle for existence, we want to have something that endures, and so we fill our minds with rubbish and facts, in the silly hope of keeping our place. The thoroughly well informed man - that is the modern ideal. And the mind of the thoroughly well-informed man is a dreadful thing. It is like a bric-a-brac shop, all monsters and dust, with everything priced above its proper value. I think u will tire first, all the same. Some day you will look at your friend, and he will seem to you to be a little out of drawing, or you won't like his tone of colour, or something. You will bitterly reproach him in yr own heart, and seriously think that he has behaved very badly to you. The next time he calls, you will be perfectly cold and indifferent. It will be a great pity, for it will alter you. What you have told me is quite a romance, a romance of art one might call it, and the worst of having a romance of any kind is that it leaves one so unromantic."

- The Picture of Dorian Gray-  Oscar Wilde.

Spoke to my heart.

I understand what im doing now....

Guess only the fast forward of time will truly be the end of my summer?

I'm the Volcano. You're the Tornado.

FINALLY, the MV is out on Youtube.
If my frenz can't ever imagine why n how i chase the men in my life away from me, this is it. Highly volatile, uncontrollable, emotional n crazy mad,
I blow up fast but cool down faster than the average person too.
How how? you want me? ;D

but always burning w passion.
Well, passion is only temporary right? Sigh


Sometimes i wonder if physical violence is more brutal or emotional abuse?

Seems like Eminem found the same words to describe both in the right way anyway.

"Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
I sufficate
And right before im about to drown
She resuscitates me
She fucking hates me
And I love it
Wait
Where you going
I'm leaving you
No you ain't
Come back
We're running right back
Here we go again
It's so insane
Cause when it's going good
It's going great
I'm Superman
With the wind in his bag
She's Lois Lane
But when it's bad
It's awful
I feel so ashamed
I snap
Who's that dude
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe
When you're with them
You meet
And neither one of you
Even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills
Used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick
Of looking at 'em
You swore you've never hit 'em
Never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face
Spewing venom
And these words
When you spit 'em
You push
Pull each other's hair
Scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down
Pin 'em
So lost in the moments
When you're in 'em
It's the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it's best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It's a different day
Sound like broken records
Playin' over
But you promised her
Next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane
Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Now I know we said things
Did things
That we didn't mean
And we fall back
Into the same patterns
Same routine
But your temper's just as bad
As mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love
You're just as blinded
Baby please come back
It wasn't you
Baby it was me
Maybe our relationship
Isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is
I love you too much
To walk away though
Come inside
Pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity
In my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed
I'll aim my fist
At the dry wall
Next time
There will be no next time
I apologize
Even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games
I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I'mma tie her to the bed
And set the house on fire"

Harrassment.

I went to lodge a police report today. 

Remember this post on forumers being freaks?

Well let's just say tt i kinda figured out tt B the person who put up the appraisal for me, seems to b solely responsible for the whole W person thing.

B started to SMS me for every little thing n anything not regarding my grooming services.

And when i refuse to reply after 8pm jus cos i dun want to, she starts to send more SMses, which is bloody damn annoying.

"R u sleeping or having fun with yr dog?"

K**, that is none of yr biz!

Im a service provider, not a friend n i dun wan to talk to u about my life. Nor bout yours.

N i made it clear to her time n time n time again tt i do not want to reply to queries other than appointment requests outside my work hours. N she STILL sends me boliao requests n SMSes.

The last straw came when using the same number, B suddenly became A, who claimed to b B's sis-in-law n who claims tt B got so distraught by me when i said tt i do not want to correspond w her cos i have a bf who does not like me to b disturbed outside work hrs, tt B went n got herself into car accident.

This A, using B's hp number, went on to threaten tt her husband is a police officer n 'CID' at an east branch police station n told me to befriend B n get to know her better. n started to send me SMS into the wee hours of the night.

Bloody annoying n scary to the point when i had to fearfully scan the other pax faces on the bus home this evening in case i see B stalking me home.

N then when I mentioned the L word ("im not lesbian n etc etc) J, the police officer n i figured supposedly to b B's brother, came into the picture. SMS sent thru B's number also.

Threatening me to not hurt(huh?) B n challenging me when i said i will b making a police report for harassment. 

Also he claimed to track down my so called bf's number n send PI to my bf. 

Huh? Hello? 

B. R u 17 or 37?? (which is how old u look to me babe _|_ )

CID. PI.

Oh god. u still in the age of Triple 9 with Wong Lilin n James Lye ah?

Well, all that's happening is this.

M gonna fax M1 morrow. with the timing of the private number nuisance calls n SMSes n my police report.

If her mobile is a contracted line n not a prepaid one, i hope she will receive the warning letter M1 says they will send out. Private number line shld b a land line i hope.

Whichever, I have yr address B. 

N the police r investigating cos on yr side u claim to be(have someone) who is working on the side of the law as well.

Impersonation. n possible assault.

Carry this on further n i will not hesitate to press charges n get one of those 10m away from me injunction. Cos u r creepy n scary n stalker-ish.

ARgh.

Thinking bout it makes my hair stand.

N I chewed my nails down to stumps. 

Why this kinda stupid things happen to me one!?

Bestie says im too friendly.

Ah duh?? It's customer service!! I NEED to b friendly! But im not yr friend! -_-"

Let's hope she gets it this time.

Dreams Can Come True.

No one will ever see what i envision in my head.

The interiors of the shop.

The concept.

The workings......

i guess if my chosen ideal partners dun come thru i might have to do it on my own one fine day.

I wish ppl will stop telling me that it won't work.

Cos i think if i dare to come out n do it, it will.

So yeah, i stopped flying to b a doggie groomer.

Everybody who asks gives me The Look.

Any editor wanna feature me in magazines?

Topic can b change in career; the big jump. Or flying groomer. wahahahha~

Okie. wait til i make it bigger first. ;p

And stupid Pig, stop telling me tt my dog is holding me back.

It's not. He's keeping me grounded.

But i'll take into account what u said "People who r over relationships DUN feel a single thing."

Ok. GOT IT *dead pan voice n face* tt i will work on. _|_

Reflux.

I guess it's like a reflux.

You come outta an almost 2 yr relationship n u throw yrself headlong into the throes of freedom.

You update all yr snappy remarks n happenings in yr facebook.

Maybe at the end of the day, you do feel lighter, freeer n happier thats why?

I hope that is the real reason why.

Otherwise, the best gift tt one can gift unto u will just b an irony.

:)

At the end of the day, it's all bout how committed one is.

Forummers r potential Stalkers..

Today i wanted to pull my hair out.

I was fucking annoyed can!?! Now i thinking wanna get another mobile number for privacy.  knnbccb.

So a kind customer of mine had go ahead n put up an appraisal for me after grooming her dog beginning of july.

N she has since went on n posted it on lioney.sg as well. Which somehow links u to 10 other sites or so.

I really dunno how these things works really.

The response after tt was good. i received 2 sms requests for appointments yesterday.

1 Of which was from a dude who claimed tt he was mute n asked me to email him cos he wanted to specify how he like his dog to b groomed.

As i was out, i promptly used my Professonal mail acct to email him on my iPhone n had since been waiting for his reply. Let's call this person W.

Who knows the next day i received this, from the kind person who posted up my appraisal for me, let's call her B.

B:"D, did u receive SMS from a potential customer named as W? tis person claim tt he sms u n ask u to email him but he said u didnt reply 2 him as he's mute person n has difficulty in talking n listening. he puts up a remark in my adv n i manage to catch hold of him n i hv emailed 2 him instead. his remark was taken away by me becos this a small matter n jus comm breakdown.

D: " yar i reply him ready!! Cos he sms me by Bulk SMS. cannot reply to it wat. wait i cc u the mail also."

I went to my sent folder for tt acct in my iphone n it seemed like the email was not sent.

So i sent it again n once again the email completely vanished into thin air once i hit the sent button.

B: " did u send to correct email.jus console him tt we didn't look down on him jus becos he's mute"

D: "yar lor he was complaining to me tt u shld have put email add n i explained tt u did not put cos of possible restrictions on the forum."

B: "i've apologised to him ready n so jus stay cool

D: "actually i wanted to ask u yesterday if i can reply straight to Bulk SMS not! haha then his following text got his email add so i emailed him instead. Curious also, mute ppl got carry handphone also rite? Good for communication mah? Oh well. Sorry to put u thru the trauma B. Aiyoh. this is a classic case of reverse discrimination!!"

B: "well our friend do hv hp bt he uses hi-card n hav 2 top up b4 he can sms. its why he uses bulk sms........"etc

And then i managed to delete n reinstate my email add which was not able to send out emails on my iphone n managed to get it to work.

Mute guy W replied, n replied... n REPLIED. until my iphone from 40% batt to 17%.

N the worst thing is, he kept sending me thru his fucked up Bulk SMS! Which i can't reply to!! n i have to fuckin email him!! u know how fucking annoying tt is?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? FUCK U W!

I DUN WANNA GROOM YOUR DOG! IT"S NOT BECOS U R MUTE! ITS BECOS U KEEP USING THE EXCUSE TT U R MUTE FOR ANYTHING N EVERYTHING!!!!

if u guys dun believe me, below is a series of our very cumbersome correspondence...

D: "Dear W,

This is my 3rd attempt to send u an email. I apologise for the miscommunication n have been in fact been waiting for yr reply since my first email sent out to u around 630pm yesterday evening.

The second being 4pm this afternoon after Del's owner notified me about your response.
Now I have rectified the error in my iPhone settings as I m at out at work with no access to email thru a desktop.

I do hope u receive this.
In my email, I explained that Del's owner might have left out my email add perhaps because of certain restrictions on the forum.

Anyway, I will also try to adhere to yr specifications n instructions as much as I can as I had done with Del. My hours r from 11-7pm daily except I'm off on Thursdays. Rates r 55 for small dogs like Maltese n there is 10% off for first time customers n members of XXX pets. To b member of XXX pets, simply accumulate $150 worth in receipts within 2 months. ;) 

I do hope to hear from u soon n I sincerely apologise for the delay in this correspondence due to this technical glitch.
Thank u for your time."

Cheebye W thru his fucked up Bulk SMS: 

1) "hi. got yr reply. i hv a word w B jus now n i'll do what she suggest. im glad she's yr fren cos she's good in her presentation : via BulkSMS.com"

2) She has say sory to me bt it's not her fault she's jus sensible enough how to answer my question wifout avoiding me when i told her tt i'm MUTE : via BulkSMs.com"

CCB!! MUTE MUST TYPE CAPITAL LETTERS MEH!!??!?! N WTF U IMPLYING??? TT I M NOT SENSIBLE ENOUGH TO ANSWER YR QUESTIONS N I WAS AVOIDING U COS U SAID U R MUTE?!?!?! WTF IS TT??!?!

My email reply to him:

"Dear W,

I'm sorry if u felt tt I was avoiding you but I really did reply as soon as I got yr text except I din know if bulk SMS accepts SMS replies. Well I tried again now n I cant get it to go thru.

So would u like to make an appt still n when would u like it to b? Mayb u would like to leave a mobile number cos I believe that prepaid sim cards allow unlimited SMS replies ?

Thank u"

Can someone out there tell me why my baby sister's starhub card can send n receive unlimited sms. but this cheebye gotta give this kind of lame excuse??

Then the Cheebye W again:

1) She has say sory to me bt it's not her fault she's jus sensible enough how to answer my question wifout avoiding me when i told her tt i'm MUTE : via BulkSMs.com" -this is repeated jus so u know -_-

2) I hvnt met her bt i hv a gd feeling 4 her. Very tactful in talking. no doubt, im mute bt i do hv feeling. Shall i chase after B? :via BulkSMS.com  

KNNBCCB!!!! NOBODY EVER SAY TO U MUTE= NO FEELING RITE?!? Y R U ASSUMING PPLE SAY THIS BOUT U?? CLASSIC CASE OF REVERSE DISCRIMINATION NO??!?

N HE SEEMS TO HAVE AN INFLATED EGO DESPITE A SERIOUS SELF ESTEEM ISSUE WHICH IS UNDERSTANDABLE BUT WTF!!!

And becos by now i feel obliged to reply becos WHY? cos Mute ppl Like this W make pple feel guilty when their messages r not replied by saying u purposely ignore them cos they mute.

CAN I JUS IGNORE U COS U R FUCKING LAME!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? IF I SEE U I WILL PUNCH U!

I DUN WANNA GROOM YR DOG!!!!! SCREAMMMMSSSSSS*

D: "Dear W,

Yes B is an extremely nice lady with very enthusiastic interest in pets n pet knowledge.

In the mean time, I need to go as my mobile is outta battery. U know how lousy iPhone battery lives r.

Do keep in touch. Thank u."

W: Well 2bad i dun hv her hp no. i'll get my hp top up 1st then i'll make an appt wif u 4 u to groom my poodle. Let Belle noes abt my feeling for her :via BulkSMS.com

D: "Dear W,
Yes I have conveyed them to her.

Cheers in yr endeavour."    *major bitch fit by this time*

W:

1) i'm a manager in a co. bt i hv no problem wif all my juniors bcos they noe wht 2 do. My life's very healthy bcos i only hv my poodle wif me: viz BulkSMS.com

2)D, do u have any idea wht's she dislike, character wise?! I shld hv ask her bt it's 2 late cos i don't hv her contact anymore. Jus do me a favor :via BulkSMS.com

3)D, ask Belle whether she'll b able 2 reply 2 my email as i really tink she is the RIGHT LADY tt im looking 4 unless she reject me. :via BulkSMs.com

HELLO W! I DUN THINK MUTE PPL R STUPID RIGHT??!?! IM A GROOMER! NOT YR PERSONAL MATCHMAKER!! CAN U PLS JUS FUCK OFF!?? 

After charging my phone n having finished my dinner, which was interrupted by his incessant KNN BulkSMS-ing*FUCK U VERY MUCH!!* n walked my dog n all n going to a meeting, i wrote to him this. N i think i sounded very very polite n diplomatic.

"Dear W,

I have not met u before and I'm sure u r a nice guy.
Therefore I just wanna keep this strictly professional and pls only contact me for dog grooming services.
For anything else personal, am sure u have B's email address.

Pls understand tt I'm not avoiding u or watsoever reason. But having to work 6 day weeks including public holidays n weekends n  watever time left for myself n my dog is very very very limited.
I hope u really understand. That from now onwards, I will only answer yr queries on dog grooming services.

Thank you."

W:  1) "D i got yr sms. im sory as i hv been carry away by myself nobody'll like to b friend who's mute. i'll not keep hunting u for B's hp :via BulkSMS.com"

2) D, jus 1 last request, pls get B to email me as i lost her email as my whole harddisk's corrupted n most of the info r gone. thks!"

ONCE AGAIN FUCK U W! PPLE LIKE TO BE FRENZ WITH PPLE WHO DUN MAKE THEM FEEL OBLIGED TO BE FRIENDS WITH THEM!  N NOT BECOS U R MUTE, BALD, HAVE LEPROSY, OR ONLY ONE TESTICLE OR WATEVER NONSENSE.

YR ATTITUDE BOUT YR OWN CONDITION IS THE ONLY REASON WHY NOBODY WANTS TO B FRENZ WITH U. NOT YR CONDITION PER SE. OK???

U WANNA SEE A SHRINK OR A COUNSELLOR INSTEAD?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

N in between handling this bugger's incessant fuck shit, B is constantly bugging me as well.

She asked me to add her to myspace but i seriously cant b bothered okie!

N she say if i go her myspace i'll know why she wanna reject W.

Cos she lesbian lar!!!! WTF!

SHE IS OBSESSED WITH ME N HE IS OBSESSED WITH HER N BOTH THEM R BOMBING MY MOBILE PHONE. JUS STOP IT CANNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

N never mind? This W loser is using some BLOCKED number n calling my hp n putting down the phone on me as !! CwellHEEBYE LAR! if i do see u i will skin u n yr poodle down. MUTE MUTE MUTE FUCKING ANNOYING CAN!?!?!?!? PLS DUN TELL ME ALL MUTE PPL R LIKE TT? OR WORSE STILL, Y U DUN HAVE OTHER MUTE FRENZ TOO???? 

WELL OBVIOUS ANSWER HUH?! COS U R NOT LIKABLE AT ALL LAR! 

OMG if this continues on i'm gonna jus change my number or something. regret now giving my personal number away so easily.

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK THIS SHIT IS MAN. KNNBCCB.

I seriously wanna scream whenever i receive SMS from either of THEM!!!!

Missed Opportunities vs missing opportunities...

Since I adopted dog, i've had to turn down 1 offer to go to China, Beijing. 

N another to India.

All of which will b such good opportunities n exposure n will pretty much make me invincible in what im doing.

Yeah invincible is exaggerating. ;p

The old me will put the blame on dog for the missed opportunities.

But now, when i look at him n see the devotion he has for me in his doggie eyes, i feel wrecked with guilt for even considering him a burden.

He lives n breathes for me. 

For me to bring him out to walkies. For me to put food into his bowl. For me to pat him on his head. For me to settle into bed at night before he falls into deep sleep in his fave corner.

And i understand. 

That by having him from the very beginning, I've chosen to miss these opportunities.

And therefore, they aren't really missed.

Pun intended. ;p

Dear doggie, i pledge to love u as u r loving me. 

I promise not to leave you without me too much, for an extended period of time.

N i will always hug n pat u :)

His tail is wagging now. haha~

Some.

"hi. Is it too much to ask to be frenz again?"

A heavy question from a ex. Depending from how did the parting go.

"no. But u WERE a asshole." *big smiles*

Hmmm.
And then there r some other exes u dun mind sleeping w again, for old times' sake. Or maybe jus cos u have a soft spot for 'em.

Whichever.
It feels like now. Everything else is inconsequential. It will b all for fun.
Come. Let's play! See who holds out longer! Asshole~


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Rise & Fall

Sometimes i manage to cheat my mind into thinking all is good...

n then outta the blue,

That empty lonely sensation in the tummy strikes.

Esp during moments when i'm on my own... most of the time on public transport.

And then i stop for a cigarette.

And i start to realise tt the cig has stopped giving me the kinda comfort tt used to satiate my neediness.

And i start to wonder what would make it good.

Well overall im in better shape than i was 2 weeks ago. ;]

Most of the times my puppy makes me happy. The only thing tt puts a grin on my face n make me chuckle out loud.

Sometimes, i do wonder if having him in my life brings about much more restrictions...

Then... I look at him looking at me with those loving eyes, i feel guilty ever having those thoughts!

It's already August of 2010.

Somehow i keep feeling like im in February. Why?

Not like i had a very enjoyable birthday rite? duh.

I'm feeling kinda weird today.

Took the initiative to clip down this silky's coat cos i was damn annoyed tt shit sticks to his butt hair all the time n stinks up my area.

And also cos im damn annoyed tt it's a boarding dog n well outta my scope of job to bother to even bathe him unless the customer is paying.

Somehow, the shop pple say tt it belongs to a VIP customer n they aren't gonna bill him.

Fuck-a-na-den.

Then dun ask me to bathe him!

Our agreement was only puppies for free n grooming.

But i swallowed n did as told. After all, i was getting $5 ph rite?

Guess my indignance got a hold of me n i kinda did it to save myself the trouble. 

Well, i would like to blame it on lack of communication as well.

Keep asking me to bathe the smelly dog for free n never tell me when going back.

You think bathing very easy ah!!!??!? 

The blowdrying process very tiring one lei!

N the knn Auntie keep asking me to bathe her fucking puppies on weekends so they look nice n fluffy "so can sell" 

Knn i trying to save my energy for my real customers whom i get money from can!?!??!?!

So anyway back to story. turned out the VIP owner came to collect his dog today.

N turned out the top coat which i clipped off slightly was pain stakingly grown.

Wahahhaha!

Too bad. 

But i did show him how his dog's ass skin was getting sore from all tt shit stuck tt.

Moral of the story.

Want ppl to take good care of yr dog. U pay.

Pay. Pay me $25 a day n i will make sure when yr dog shits i will comb off all the mush. 

Pay me n i will make sure i blowdry its feet everytime it gets damp from stupidly peeing on itself.

Pay me n i will comb off all that shitty food residues ard its mouth. OMG wat a dumbass dog. *rolls eyes*

Else dun keep yr dog's hair so high maintanence. Keep at home where yr poor maid will slave over it every second of the day.

So the guilt comes n goes n my confidence is kinda shaken.

my heart was beating when i realised tt if i had made a mistake, this mistake is irreversible.

And i had no supervisor over me.. or a teacher to make my mistake seem less serious.

And then i received an SMS from a potential customer asking if i would like to groom his rabbit (a fuzzy lop or whatever lar) this weekend.

And i remembered they say rabbit scared will die after bath one.

And im hesitating now cos i scared i make pple rabbit die.

Then how?

Should i or should i not?

And then i cheat my mind into thinking tt everything is fine again..

By telling myself tt "aiyah if he confirms the appointment then come n worry bout it la."

At most if i see his rabbit damn scared one i suggest a powder bath instead. 

N im writing all these worrisome thoughts of mine here to bore u cos i have no one to talk to these days except my dog.

N my stupid Pig fren disowned me cos apparently he fell in love with me again.

I need his counsel n straightforward ways of putting things across to validate my tears n fears.

I toyed with the idea of calling the ex. Cos who else would know me better rite?

Then decided against it.

Cos who knows, he might jus find me a nuisance right?

Sigh. i know. I'm weak like tt.

N oh. He said he ordered 3 cartons of canned food for Baby J. That's 72 cans n enough to last him a year since he consumes 1 can every 5-6 days for tt particular brand.

I can't decide what to think bout this action of his though.

Nice? 

Hmmm, maybe he still cares for the dog then.

*shrugs* i really dunno. 

I wish he still cares bout me though. ;[

ah well. 

Back to cheating the mind again tt everything's fine.

It's late n im finally gonna get some work done after moping around.