My baby...

Currently the picture tiled as my wallpaper on my lappie.

That means 6 pairs of those gooey liquid black eyes gazing at me everytime i using my lappie..

I jus wanna "muchi muji mujchi" with him.
If u dunno wat tt means... means i wanna sink my face into his fur at his neck n hug him n sniff him n make gooey baby noises.

Sometimes i do tt with boyfriend too.

They seem to enjoy it....



LOL*

48 hrs in Paris

Fri morning touch down 7am
Check in 8.30 am.
Smoked.
showered. Crashed.
4pm woke up text girlfren.
Spoke to sweetest bf on phone.
5.17 pm Grilfren finished work n called.
Changed n went down lobby wait for gf at 6pm.

Walked to cafe n had aperitif(b4 dinner drinks) though i was starving.
Cos gf said its frenchy thing to do. n 7 pm too early on fri to have dinner anyways
Ordered salad n kir something, white wine with peach schnapps.
Damn scared to get drunk cos empty stomach.
Not to mention i wa jus dying to have a full satisfying meal, regardless of whether is it french proper dinner time or not.

Ate starter from 830 to 9.30 pm. Mix pot of meats was fantastic! nothing u can get at home.
Drank red wine even though i preferred white.
Had doggie food like lamb mealball. more like mushed up lamb which made me 'ge-lat'
Had fantastic apple crumble with tiramisu like tasting but hell lot better ice cream.
Swapped half with gf cos i think she liked my dessert better.
Gf paid for dinner.
prob 100 euros.

Went to English pub.
Had 2 jaeger bombs n 1 kilkenny n 1 1664 kronenburg which i so loved between us 2.
the djs here seemed to play alot of David Guetta remixes n oh yeah, Pitbull songs n recent Rnb stuff i like!
Went out for fresh air cos too stuffy in pub.
Outside is 5 degrees. of cos inside no aircon.
Took cab to another area with an aussie pub n irish pub opp each other.
Went inside Irish pub.
Dj played same music as the last.
Had 2 half pint Strongbows with cassis syrup, 2 vodka mint shots which tasted jus like Listerine, 2 vodka lime sodas which they dun use lime cordial at all (argh), 2 more jaeger bombs between us n another 1664 beer.
All paid by me.
To make up to gf for paid for dinner.

Gf gets picked up by 22 yr old cute boy.
Gf gets picked up by 60 yr old dancing man when salsa song played.
Gf gets picked up by 36 yr old nice man. she gives number.
I take pics.... ;D

Leaves pub at 5 am (11 am sg time) not drunk at all....
had hard time getting cab
walks for 15 mins.
Fianlly gets cab.
Gf crashes in my room cos dun wan her to drive.

Next day wakes up at 10am, 11am, 1230 am n finally 1pm.
cos i was hungry
Got showered n changed while gf snoozes more.
finally wakes her up at 2pm cos i think of how many things i wanted to do (check out price of non contract iphone; too expensive, buy sothys post wax cream, visit the eiffel tower n take pics)

Gf drove to her home n bought pastries for breakfast
yeah breakfast at 3pm.
had tea in her kitchen while waiting for her to shower n change.
4pm left her house but went to grocery shop cos she felt compelled to show me wat she eats
Stopped by at florist cos she likes to buy flowers.

is 5pm.
My only day in Paris is gone.
N pastries r too sweet for my savoury tongue as a breakfast.
I crave curry pok.
n i getting gastric cos no hot meal n all tt waiting around.

Parked at champs elysee.
Gf went w me to SFR (phone provider in France)
iphone without contract is 590 euros for 3Gs 16gb. need to crack somemore.
Checked with bf. too ex. hopingto find a deal at 400euros.
went to another phone provider.
They dun do iphones without contract.
stopped looking.
Am disappointed.

Walked n walked all the way to St honore to Sothys to buy post waxing cream.
Cost 27.90 euro here but approx 42 euros when bought back in Sg.
Only thing on my checklist done as i purchased 2 tubes.

Walked n walked as waiting for dinner time to meet Gf's other visiting frenz from amsterdam.
Hoping to catch a glimpse of eiffel tower but scared to ask.
Stopped at cafe n had coke n fries cos i so hungry for HOT food.
Gf says is not French to snack.
I dun care. m not French.
tt's why im fat. OK?
Why must i conform jus cos im there!??!?!

Had lotsa pork for dinner.
food was fantastic.
though the additional company of a baby-talking high flying Shell exec expatriated from Sg to Amsterdam who thinks tt stewardess get paid alot for doing nothing n her English bf who thinks tt we sit around so much onboard n get DVT pisses me off.

Gf ordered total 2 bottles of wine
i look at ticking clock.
i wanna come back n sleep
i dun wanna talk anymore.
i dun have anymore euros left for cab ride back. or to pay for dinner if need to split. i had to card it, defnitely.

Bill came. 208 euros was the damage.
Baby talking high flying Shell expat from sg n I split the bill, credit card.
Was hoping Gf will pay me back half since i already compensated for her dinner treat by getting ALL the drinks the night b4.
Wrong.

104 euros is 210 sg dollars.
dinner with pple who annoyed me.
Heart pain.

Except for the fantabulous French food experience i seriously wished i had my best friends n boyfriend with me instead.
210 sg dollar spent on dinner would not seem like such a waste then.

12am back in room.
Spied boyfriend whom i miss so much on Skype.
I love you dear bb.
have to wake 7 hrs later to fly back to SG
Full load.
Day flight.
Sure gonna die.

But i cant wait to come home .
Screw seeing the Eiffel Tower n frenchy food n frenchy pple.
Im sick of atas pretentious fly life.
I wanna stay at home n be grounded forever.

Oh n my leave for Zoukout was denied.
A-fucking-gain.

So i cannot attend wedding.
N maybe not Zoukout.
Wat the FucK.

P/S. after shower when back in room realised tt i left my Sothys cream worth 54 euros for 2 tubes at the restaurant.
So officially this trip i come home empty handed. with a lighter than started out with cargo bag.
So so stupid.
*bang head*

Love Letters....

Whenever I feel lost, unloved, disconnected, unmotivated...
I turn to Love.

Or Loved.

Well... It's probably the only thing that motivates me when im all muddled up n all i wanna do is curl up in my bed n not move n wishing at the same time tt time doesn't move forward but jus freeze til i come out of my conscious comatose.

It makes me smile or cry depending on the degree of badness i feel...

It says this to me and is dated 14 Feb'01.

I laid in bed before my sleep,
my mind still ran a crazy race,
I thought many things shallow deep
And suddenly I saw your face

I remembered your girlish laugh
The way your nose wrinkles is funny
I love the way you are soft yet rough
The way only you see past the money.

I want to make you happy too
To hug you, hold you, love you true
In my heart you take the brightest place
Without you there is no smile on my face

So please my love never leave my side,

And i'll try my hardest,
To be your light.

Very much in love, XX

Right now it's making me cry.....


;_(

I can't remember when was the last time I celebrated Valentine's Day.
Or when I was happy on that day.
But i remember that measly worm on the flowers that made me oh so happy
And i realise I need new memories of so much love to replace the old ones so i won't cry anytime again.

Paris is gonna be full of poignant memories.
And i so hope i won't be feeling this way this Friday.

showing off Love

Chanced upon an acquaintance's blog where all is about the joys of new love n fly life.

Eeeeyur!!!

That was me some years ago!!
REcklessly buying bags n knick knacks which made me happy ;)

N not feeling guilty when it comes to flaunting my loves.

Well... in the spirit of my new mantra for not whining.......

I shall endeavour to live life satisfactorily by the day.
No more depriving myself at the thought of tomorrow!

sleeep time!
Would have been asleep 2 hours ago if not for sponge!

Anti - whine

I've been trying to practise this new mantra.

Thou shalt not complain/whine.

Many things that i do or still not have done in my pursuit of happiness at this moment in time is my choice.

Choices.

Consequences.

Then again, choices.

Short term gratification vs Long term satisfaction...

Trade offs....

Im so wired up in my head but the body is broken down....
yet i still can't sleep.

I realise that at the end of the day, i really cannot wait for another person to make me happy or satisfy my wants or needs.

I still need to depend on myself.

Guess life is fair in that way.







A little bird told me today that you still love me......
Can it really be?
I really wonder if Fate has anything more up His sleeves when it comes to matters of you and me.
After all these while, i realise that u were the only one who never made me wait.
Struggle. Fight. Or beg.
And yes, I said it before n will always mean so, I love u too.

Dating an astronaut.

Yes I'm officially dating one.

Know how i know?
Cos our time difference seems to b at least 2 hours in light years apart.

Like how?

Like I send him an SMS n he only probably receives it like at least 2 hours later cos only by then i may or may not receive a reply.

Day 1 replies were prompt n sweet.
It's probably cos the space craft barely had left the atmosphere.

I can estimate the time difference past Earth's stratosphere or watever shit that is called by Day 2 cos tt's when the lag in communication started.

It's Day 4 today.

I'm sure he will be out of my reach soon as his space craft moves towards the Milky Way of Fame n Fortune.

Oh. the temper is much shorter too, as evident between Day 2 and Day 3.
Maybe not getting to change underwear in space n having limited oxygen in the space craft gets to my man.

I'm sure the reception in outer space will get thinner as the the Days go by......

While u were sleeping...

While you were sleeping...
I was in my own bed
Thinking of all that was said.

Having half expectations,
Day dreaming happy endings in my own silly head.

I asked questions.
N got no answers.
But what do i expect.
Especially when u r busy with essay...

I just presumed what the sane would do.
That i'm not very worth it.
Not in yr eyes nor in yr heart it seems.

I wonder..... do u really love me.

While you were sleeping...
I imagined what our lives together would be.
The laughter n joy n eternal flirting.
The never ending happy story, that i always wished.

I lay there not moving, neither intoxicated nor fed.
Just paralysed,
By the fact that
Maybe you do not love me.
Not in that way. Anyway.

While you were sleeping...
I wonder why i haven't found Mr Right in you.
Or why i can't be Ms Right for you.
Why u can't make certain changes for me...
When I have taken such a long route to become who i am for you....

I know I'm not the one when there is always reasons n excuses.
Trust me, i was the Queen of Reasons n Excuses.
So break my heart.
Even though there is no way to buffer the shattering of glass.

While you were sleeping..
i readied myself for the worst to happen.
N for my heart to die.
Or is it for yours?

I readied myself so that i will not hate you,
But hate myself instead.
Hate my own fairy tale expectations.

I mean, Daddy brought me up like a princess.
Is it wrong to think like one?
One of self worth n self love.
But what the hell.
He didnt teach me to self hate.

I'm just a bootcamp for men.
Women should just queue up after I'm done with them.

While you were sleeping...
I stopped loving you somewhat.
I hate that you can go on with life knowing that i'm upset.
That i cry n u just have the nerve to ask me 'why'.
The man who loves me truly will not subject me to that.

Consideration.

Some pple seem to have minimal consideration for others.

It's not like I dun like doing favours for others....
but sometimes i jus wonder do ppl think for me before they open their mouths to ask for favours???

1) Proximity.
If i not close to the person i won't even ask the person to do stuff for me.
Stuff as simple as buying sweets ot tidbits or wat man.
If i want to do it, i will offer. tt's that.
Eg. A friend of a friend = not close at all. so y would i bother.

2) Mode of payment/ collection
If one is really considerate to another person, esp when asking for a favours, u should be coming to my place AT MY CONVENIENCE to collect it from me.

If item is expensive, u should offer to pay me first. Even if there is no intention to.
Lip service is good enough.
Most importantly, if u like to pay in foreign currency, u should give me the $$ first, be it euro, USD etc etc.

Fuck lar, if u LIKE TO pay me in euro, y never give me yr euro to spend in the first place????
Jus becos u dun need the euros anymore cos u ain't flygirl anymore u can dump yr euros on me???

It doesn't matter if the item cost 5 euros (10sgd), or 50euros (100sgd), it's a fuckin matter of principle.
U ask me a favour, u be considerate.

What do u mean "I'd like to pay u in euros is that okie?!?!?"
Yes it's okie!
When im half asleep n replying yr SMS...

But really, person to person, n speaking in principles, its NOT okay!!


Maybe i'm just really grumpy n suffering from fatigue n backache after a horrendous long haul flight, but really, no one agrees with me????

Lastly, I've paid fines for ppl first, got some disturbing really disruptive requests from others as well... n i hate myself sometimes when they freaking push what they want down my regurgitating throat.

Why some ppl jus so used to getting their way, even at others' expense??
When i say i dun wanna watch a certain horror movie, or drink a certain soup during a communal steamboat meal, i really mean it.

Cos for everyone who knows Dodo, when i say Don't want", i really dun like it, therefore not wanting it!
Otherwise i say "dun wan" for wat????

I blame the flying for making me such a "mung zhang", unforgiving person.
pfft~

Fu*cking Telemarketers.

ONE MORE CALL FROM A TRUE FITNESS TELEMARKETER N I WILL BE PUBLISHING MY COMPLAINT LETTER HERE.

Provided they reply.

Cos i said tt if i received another call from their horrendously STUPID n clueless telemarketing staff who DON'T LISTEN to their potential customers, I will publish watever replies n their service recovery process here.

Remember my florist complaint? Ooohh yeah.

I do have to say though, u really hate someone, jus go up to true yoga, gym watever n refer tt person's number.

unfortunately, a gf of mine thought she was doing me a favour by referring me to True.

I'm completely TURNED OFF TRUE FITNESS now.

even though i'm actively shopping for a gym membership. My last resort, NO actually, not even last on my list, It's NOT on my list anymore.

Time n Tide...

Happened to look thru my old photo albums for something...

N found so many from 2005.

4 years on, plus 6.5 kgs put on.... so many things have happened n changed...

yet i find myself not much happier than i tot i would be since i started getting used to flying as a comfort zone from 2005.

I tot if i saved lotsa money i would be happy.
I tot if i have a whole closetful of colourful n trendy threads i would b happy.
I tot if i ran away n ventured out to find my One True Prince i would be happy...

But i feel like i'm back to square one.
in fact worse.
Older, Saggier, with the power of youth no longer on my side.... n with burdens.
The burdens of a young adult on the wrong side of her 20s.
N limitations.
How to rejoin the workforce on earth now that i have done nothing but fly round the world possibly 5 times.

Seems like my predictions for myself 4 years ago were wrong.
I'm not happily married yet.
I haven't found my purpose in life yet.
N i feel like looking back is so much more fun than looking forward.

Yes. Say that im whining n shut me out.
;P hate you. bleah~

But i'm really kinda feeling sad n trapped now.
Maybe Nic was right. 2009 is jus a bloody bad year for EVERYONE.
Or maybe not?

Can someone teach me how to turn back time.
Or time travel at least?!?! ;)
So i can always go back to experience those significant other times again......


i miss you.........

this month's gonna be a good month...

it's gonna be a good good month!
*cue music from black eyed peas i've got a feeling*
n laalaalaaaaaa~

Gosh i've been in such good mood since i landed into Auckland.
It seems to make up the past 3 months of bad mood.
I feel the dark cloud lifting.....

never mind tt a plate of char kway teow cost me 13 bucks nzd. or tt a plate of chix n salted fish fried lice cost me 13 bucks too...
Or that i have to pay 6.50nzd per day for laggy slow wifi with only a 160mb limit.
Alternative to tt is 29.90nzd for 100mb from the hotel lor.

but the bottle of riverstone sauvignon blanc is only 11.99 nzd n is abso-fucking-licious.
if i were living here i will drink sauvignon blanc every meal, no...
a glass every hour.
i will be a malicious vino-holic.

hohoho~ ;D

Well.. back to the title at hand.
September is gonna be a good month cos...

my bestie's bday celebration is acoming n we all know she celebrates for at least THE WHOLE WEEK......
it seems like her celeb this year extended to 2 weeks with Bali trip inclusive!

N also... we will be trail blazing into the F1 finals.
thanks to her long surviving/standing admirer. ;p.

N n n there will be hari raya house visit to go to. n I'm OFF! *show off*
N we will be having picnic this sunday!!
n n n Gwennie's bday is this friday too
N Sharam from Deep Dish is spinning... n i miss my deep house so much.
N n n i 've got a balcony from where i can smoke from now .

yes i'm easily satisfied!! ;p
ooohh ohh ..sweeeet sweeet september.

beading....

WAT WAS I DOING ON FACEBOOK!!??

I SHOULD BE DOING WORK NOW!! ;{

*slaps self on forehead*







craving for prata again...... how?

effort

The whole of last week, i was so sure it was right.
Yes he's right.

N then again....
today i wonder....
Jus wat the hell is wrong.

The right one won't have to be so troublesome right?
Wrong?
All good things must put in mighty lotsa effort?

oh well.

Private Space.

4 years back when i started strange-n-beautiful.blogspot i took it as my private space to rant...
That eventually got me into trouble with work.

My supervisor jus said... "well, jus come out for coffee with yr frenz n rant in real time instead. when u put certain things in black n white, it can get u into trouble sometimes...."

Good advice. Taken, though grudgingly...

I guess i kinda expect the ppl i confide in to keep things to themselves as well anyway.
But i overlooked the fact tt words actually get round.

i might not take criticism the right way. initially.
Or give u a very correct attitude when let in on my worst flaws...

But i reflect upon them when i get a quiet moment or when i feel off side.

A very good friend told me tt its human nature to run to someone to talk to when clueless on wat to do, but y do i feel so weird right now?
He tells me tt its normal for ppl to filter information, so as not to upset others.
Tt when two countries r at war, they dun let each other in on their private ammo.
But i have no private ammo.
Everything in my head is told to YOU. n only you.
So how could you.

I suddenly feel like i have no such private space anymore.
Or a person i can trust to know me, listen to me, understand me, feel me n be honest w me.
Not one.

You probably feel that i'm unreasonable, crazy, demanding n just impossible.
I feel that too.
Then just tell me that.
Dun go telling others without telling me u have told them. Or even giving me a chance to tell my side of the story.

Despite the good diplomatic advice given to me, i just feel.....................
WEIRD.

like pple going behind my back.

I feel so stupid now letting u into every single thought, opinion, view in my head, bout you, me, us, everything.

N i'm not hearing yours from you. Yet u let other pple hear it exclusively.

I'm hurt.

Stomach problems

Thou shalt not sleep on a full stomach.

Thou shalt not wait til too bloody damn hungry then eat.

Thou shalt avoid raw foods of all kind.

Thou shall stay away from shell fish of most kinds.

Thou shalt always carry gastric reflux meds, gastroentritis meds with thyself at all times.

Thou shalt not overstuff one's own stomach.

Thou shalt shun caffeine, dairy stuff which aggravates bloating n gastric reflux reactions. (think alcohol okie as long as with mixer huh? *guffaws*)

Thou shalt learn to drink hot drinks (like old man bf) instead of being an ice coke ice chocolate ice anything loving maniac.

Thou shalt search for a tummy transplant procedure.

Thou shalt not smoke so much, else i foresee myself contracting stomach cancer like Gramps did.

I hate my stomach.
*buRrrP Burrp BUUUuuuUUuuRP*

Sounds like a bullfrog in the house.
*BroUpor burp*

;_(

^&*$%@%^%&^**%