Sunday, May 30, 2010

SATC2 the Movie.

After movie, I commented to bestie the scene that disturbed me most.
That was when Big presented Carrie w the black diamond to remind her tt she is married to him.
To replace the crappy LCD tv he gave her for their anniversary.
Accompanied with the fact tt he forgave her for cheating.

Can it be all too good to be true?
Men dun have to be reminded  to make up for things after they fuck up meh?
I think not lor. SIGH~

N i told her tt i think it's all bout finding the right man.
Someone who understands what u think, feel.
Watever. Just understand.

Her reply "u think really got men who will bother to take time to understand women meh?"

Eeekss..
sadly. tt could b the truth.
*wince*

But i have faith.
Cos i've had a semi Big before.

sigh. n i thought i wouldn't b so Carrie-d-away after hearing bad reviews bout the movie.....

oh. n u know the line tt got to me most?
When she asked him y a black diamond n he replied it's cos she's always non traditional.
;_(
So sweeet i wanna stab myself for all the times i end up with men who never seemed to know me.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Melancholy.

I have been so sad n aloof lately that i dun think i can stand me if I only had someone like me for company.

Talk bout big change in character. 


Thursday, May 20, 2010

Need Plan C!!

Sometimes in life, opportunities come all at once n make u confused with the many choices...
Then before u know it. 
Circumstances, or change, simply takes ALL these opportunities away at the same time too n leave u with... NOTHING.

No alternatives, no other options. Jus a sudden blank.

I'm looking for a sign.
A direction.
A Anything. 

Is courage all i need?? 
To venture into something the way i've never done before in my life?

I hate the feeling of wading in the deep end of the pool before i can b sure of my water treading skills.
That's wat's holding me back.

Is patience all i need?
To wait for that something GOOD to finally land in my hands??

I hate the feeling of turning away something n not being sure if anything else is ever gonna come along in the end.

Or is versatility all i need?
To be able to switch back n forth n multi task big time n still be good at watever i m doing...?

Let something happen soon pls.
N let tt opportunity be mine.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Adventures of Groomer Girl n Super Dog~~

Hey ya.

Yeah, it's Day #15 me n my adopted Golden Retriever r stuck hip to hip... so to speak.

Seriously, who would ever think tt having a puppy, settling it into a new home is so time n energy consuming??

Well. Maybe u won't think so.
But i think discipline n routine/patterns r very important to ensuring tt the dog settles in quickly, esp for toilet training!
but well, i is a control freak. 
Need for things to be in correct place ASAP one... ;p

Anyway, my original daydream plan was to set up another blog titled Adventures of Groomer Girl n Super Dog.... 
;D
n narrate the days of our lives together, with both my voice n Baby Jayden's...
But Neh neh la...
I is so busy bringing him to walkies mornings n evenings...
n watching him making sure 

1) he doesn't drink the chlorine-added water inside the water feature at my main door
2) he doesn't go near the water n fruits at the altar cos tt would definitely cause my parents to dump him right outside the house door.. -_-

3) he doesn't enter our toilets n drink from toilet bowls or the laundry water.
4) he doesn't run away whenever the grandfather moves in n outta the main door to use the loo, have his meals etc. which is freakin annoying cos it's often enough to spoil the lock on my gate >.<

5) he doesn't bark. at members of the family coming or leaving home... at sudden noises coming from outside the house.

6) he doesn't try to get onto beds, sofas, pple with food... etc. I kicked him off my bed like thrice before he got the idea n stopped being a rascal testing my boundaries.....

7) Clean off the pee tt splashes off onto the wall OR little bit tt goes outta the pee pan AND wipe off his paws after he peed in pee pan cos he dunno how to 'siam' n he trots off around the house with pee covered paws.. -_-"

N he's a BIG dog so he pees ALOT.  That's also why.

8)he doesn't pee outside the pee pan. which now is only there til a couple more months cos he's more or less conditioned to pee on grass now.

Which means more sweat for me cos this bugger drinks water like a fish n he can pee up to 4Xs more in the afternoon between the 1-6pm period between his first n last meal/walkie of the day.  

 FML i know.
...........................................

So anyway, Jayden is a really good boy n he knows to leave the altar n fountain alone since Day1 it seems.

The barking at ppl coming in n outta the house has stopped completely by Day 4 when he has grew more comfy in the house.

N with a click of my tongue n stern look from me, he knows what he can or cannot do.

Now there r no more peeing incidents at home cos i bring him to school w me everyday.
But i haven't got the heart to leave him at home for more than 5 hrs cos puppy being puppy, these newly formed good habits can always be forgotten quickly enough if there is no one to check him all the time.

Wat's more, everybody else at home do not understand doggie speak good enough to discipline n check him. N he bullies everyone else who doesn't seem alpha male enough for him... like ZZzzzz~

Like my 老师 always says "狗没有错的只有人有错。"

It's really all bout educating the owner in order to have a disciplined dog.

................

Ever wondered why in the Europe n other countries, dogs r readily allowed into LV boutiques, trains, cafes etc while in SG it's like so restricting for pet owners???

Because of irresponsible n selfish pet owners.
How many of u reading this now (with a dog of cos) actually walk yr dog w a freakin' poo bag in hand n ALWAYS picks up yr doggie's poo???!!!???

How many?? or rather HOW FEW????

Cheebye, every morning n evening my dog poops twice n i pick twice everyday n i think im the only modern dog owner who actually does tt cos my area is FULL of fresh 'landmines' daily.

N how many of u check yr stupid retarded male dogs from marking with their pee ENDLESSLY n UNNECCESARILY like every nook n corner???

I say 'unnecessary' cos it's a VERY bad habit n many dogs who have this habit r not only simply annoying but when they run out of pee to spray they still run to corners n lift their leg up 'action action' over n over again.

I jus want to say tt its unsightly n FREAKING ANNOYING.
Reminded me of an ex's retarded CKC who loved to do tt. n when we went to a now defunct pet cafe, the retarded dog jus ran around disrupting ALL the other patrons n i was too embarrassed to even finish my meal there.

What can i say?
Like Owner like Dog.
Retarded Owner Retarded Dog. 
*miffed*

(FYI, my GRs , namely Whiskey n Jayden hardly have the habit to lift their legs to squirt their pee. Jayden recently started but i made sure I smack his leg down so he doesn't do it anymore. See!! it's correctable one!!!!)

N becos most Singaporeans r retarded dog owners who r not foolishly but just OUTRIGHTLY STUPID AND IGNORANT,  dog owners r hated by many non dog owners n therefore the many restrictions for us minority responsible dog owners.

I look at the ang mos n i wonder why do they know so much more bout doggie discipline n training n breed info n all tt. 
n i grit my teeth whenever the aunties n uncles ignorantly shun my 'big dog' simply cos they jus think big dogs r dangerous.
WHICH IS WRONG!!! OH SO WRONG!!!
Small breeds like JRT, Silky, SZ etc have so much more tendencies to growl, bare their teeth n snap than Big breeds like GRs, Huskies, Collies etc!!!

WHY SO MANY STUPID PEOPLE OUT THERE ONE!!!!!! *SCREAMS N PULLS HAIR*

15 days with my dog n im feeling passionate bout starting an activist movement to lobby for more public places to be pet friendly. like seriously.

But more thought put into it made me realise tt it involves more than changing rules but more like changing pple's mentality, esp the "aunties n uncles" approach to pet care n being considerate to non pet owners etc.

N when it comes to a mish mash society of different levels like ours, the task might just b close to impossible. ;(


So please, if any of u out there who r considering getting dogs, pls do yr research first n understand the implications of being a good owner.
I recommend watching shows like The Dog Whisperer by Cesar Milan (my fave!) for ways to curb n deal with behavioural esp aggression problems, n how to give yr pet love the right way by being a confident pack leader. OR pls do read books on how to feed, care, train, control a dog BEFORE getting one cos habits form quickly esp for a pup.

With more responsible n smart pet ownership, i wish for the government in SG to be more lax when it comes to restrictions for us!!!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

- _ -"

"Hey u r xxx's girlfriend rite!!!?"

"er how u know?"

"No larrr! I saw yr pics with him on his fb!!!
You dun remember me???"

"Er ... no?"

"Anyway u check out his section on Fb lar! it's somewhere in the XXX section where i'm one of the XXX"

"Er... i dunno.. i can't go to his wall. seems like im blocked. ... "

"Huh???"

"er yar.. dun ask me why...."

................................................................................

-_-"


geeeZ~

Monday, April 26, 2010

I'm just waiting...


is it possible for our parched roots of love to be nourished again??

"Maybe my expectations r too high. cos tt's wat u always keep saying...
But then again... mountains have to be moved.... 
to prove tt you r really tt into me.
Else i'm jus a fluffy cushion...for yr lonely emotions... "

Affected Affections....

It's funny how one moment i can be ultra optimistic bout life...
And the next... down in the dumps...
Simply cos of one simple remark, or abstract-ish comment yr loved one put on their MSN, Watsapp, Facebook status blahblah...


Well... i suppose it's for my good tt he blocked me off then.
I'm never very good at guessing wat's in the other person's mind anyway...
N with my wild imaginations, i make like the WORST inference.... Argh.

So tt's for causing the constant mind fucking.

So since he constantly blames me for my own mind fucking tt causes the rifts in our relationships, i will continue to numb myself in daily activities n act dumb dumb i guess.

I can't wait for dog to enter my life now.
I need a listening ear, a pair of understanding eyes... 
n someone who doesn't give his judgements immediately n cause me to b upset.
N i need someone warm to hold n hug n be constantly by my side as i will b by him.

M very sure Baby Jayden will fill up tt void in my painful heart.

I'm fine.
But why do i still feel pain? ;(

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Sighhhh... how?

I read this past post of mine...

N I got confused again.... 

Yeah, it's true.
He keeps trying to break things off.
So wat if circumstances in life dun allow things to work?
Love will conquer all rite?

Like i kept repeating to him, I nvr allowed this break to happen earlier even though we've been fighting for a good 9 months.
This happened only because he kept saying he wants to let me go to find another person.

I jus keep interpreting it as ... He's just not that into me.

It's painful.....

I hope the time apart tells me heart the answer it seeks. ;_(

Taking time out to understand...

... more Shakepeare. ;D
Really regret not taking up Literature in my schooling days now.

Oh wellll...

I almost cried just now reading this.
I dunno why...


Romeo: 
"With love's light wings did i o'perch these walls,
For stony limits cannot hold love out,
And what love can do, that dares love attempt;
Therefore thy kinsmen are no stop to me"


Though i only read this the first time ever,
I do think i would very much be Shakespeare's romantic soulmate. lol~

Love does conquer all....
One won't feel pain, hunger, weariness when motivated by love.
Well.. at least tt's me.
So please dun try to change my dreamy romantic ideals to something so realistic n practical n so not me anymore. 
I truly do not appreciate that.
This is me.
N i seriously think this is the reason why i'm lovable!! hohohoho~ *thick skinned*

"Love goes toward love, as schoolboys from their books,
But love from love, toward school with heavy looks."

..........................................................................

Gonna be a busy day morrow.

Picking up a friend's dog to groom n i hope my Google maps GPS function work properly morrow to get me to location man.
Then gotta send back dog n then gather at Temasek Poly for this pet course.
Also will be parting with $450 worth of course fees.
The course fees r seriously draining me dry.. seriously WTF lor.

Course for next 4 days til 10pm at night... i confirm @_@"
n zzzzzz in class.... 

N What the hell i doing here posing w my new found Shakespeare!??!
Stupid!
I shld be writing tt letter to Pure Yoga requesting for my 5 classes back!!!
ARGH.
I dun wanna bother but this is too much 漏财 in a month i can't take it readdddyyyyyy!
*pulls hair* ;p

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Who's more in pain?

So i've been reading Shakespeare on my iPhone these days while on the train n bus stops...
Starting with R + J of cos. 
Might move to Macbeth next...

I always felt like the Bard portrayed Romeo as the more oft depressed of the pair of lovebirds....
He's like this super emo, n everything R says is as if he'd always a knife in his heart...

Juliet seemed to always just bask in his love.... n just content n happy in loving him...
Well wat would i know? 
I nvr studied Literature in depth n i'm only at Act 1.

Well.... I loved what Romeo said here...

"Why, such is love's transgression.
Griefs of mine own lie heavy in my breast,
Which thou wilt propagate to have it press'd
With more of thine. This love that thou hast shown
Doth add more grief to too much of mine own.

Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs,
Being purg'd, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes,
Being vex'd, a sea nourish'd with loving tears,
What is it else? a madness most discreet,
A choking gall, and a preserving sweet."



There, the definition of Love.
Never been more aptly put into words....

In my story, this Juliet is more in pain than Romeo.
Vexed n filling a sea out with loving tears.
Nothing else but a madness in my head i can't seem to tell anyone , n which no one else wants to hear of anymore.
And definitely a bitterness which chokes me every now n then, but with such sweet memories.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Check me into Rehab. Likeseriously.

Click on mixpod.


"Baby, baby, when we first met
I never felt something so strong
You were like my lover and my best friend
All wrapped into one, with a ribbon on it

And all of a sudden, when you left
I didn't know how to follow, it's like a shot
That spun me around and now my heart left
I feel so empty and hollow

And I'll never give myself to another, the way I gave it to you
Don't even recognize the ways you hit me, do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you're the one to blame

And now I feel like, oh, you're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke all these cigarettes no more
I guess this is what I get for wishful thinking
I should've never let you into my door

Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
It's not amusing like I believe

It's like I checked into rehab
Baby, you're my disease
It's like I checked into rehab
Baby, you're my disease

I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby, you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby, you're my disease

Damn, ain't it crazy when your love slams?
You'll do anything for the one you love
'Cause anytime that you needed me, I'd be there
It's like you were my favorite drug

The only problem is that you was using me
In a different way that I was using you
But now that I know, it's not meant to be
You gotta go, I gotta wean myself off you

And I'll never give myself to another, the way I gave it to you
Don't even recognize the ways you hit me, do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you're the one to blame

'Cause now I feel like, oh, you're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke all these cigarettes no more
I guess this is what I get for wishful thinking
I should've never let you into my door

Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
It's not amusing like I believe

It's like I checked into rehab
Baby, you're my disease
It's like I checked into rehab
Baby, you're my disease

I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby, you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby, you're my disease

Oh, you're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke all these cigarettes no more
I guess this is what I get for wishful thinking
I should've never let you into my door

Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
It's not amusing like I believe

It's like I checked into rehab
Baby, you're my disease
It's like I checked into rehab
Baby, you're my disease

I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby, you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby, you're my disease"


For everything else, follow my tweets.

I'm a mercenary, materialistic, realistic bitch. 
I know how to love, but i'm trying to pretend i was not even educated in that.
All im left with are the basic values that I have been taught.
That is : "Treat others how u like to be treated."
And: "Honesty is the best policy"

I thank my mother n my basic education who n which ingrained that in me.
Those who dun feel the same, stay away from me.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Love, like rain.......

"Love, like rain, can nourish from above, drenching couples with a soaking joy.
But sometimes, under the angry heat of life,
Love dries on the surface and must nourish from below,
Tending to its roots,
Keeping itself alive."

- The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom


I devoured this book in one sitting(actually only bout 4-5 hours), on this Saturday night when i'm at home.

When I picked up the book again after a shower, boyfriend came by with surprise dinner tapao jus when I was settling for yoghurt n potato crisps for a late dinner. 

That was nice...... :)

Actions like these, n those of little initiatives, like holding my hand n telling me everything is gonna be fine whilst in an argument....
are to me like love in the rain.

It falls over us n reaches the grounds, n gets stored beneath the earth's surface for use again when too much heat n sun takes a toil on us. 
It can then be tapped from the roots of our love again, for days when the love no longer falls like rain.
How much is in our love reservoir?
How deep underground do our roots of love stretch?

I stress again and always on the foundations of a relationship.
Communication, understanding..... lotsa talkin talkin talking....
To me... when a couple gets each other, it's everything. Ain't it?

.................................................

Nearing 3/4 of the book, parents started hollering at each other in the bedroom
Well, more like my dad hollering n my mom speaking in hushed tones.
Sounded to me like 1 wanting very very much to communicate n talk n be heard n be understood. While the other simply was too lazy to do so. 
N they do this all the time!?

N I feel the pain of both, u know?

The one who wishes to be heard n understood becomes more desperate n despaired when the other refuses to see things his/her way.
It becomes a lonely battle with one's own mind. 
How else do u get outta yr head what u wanna say, jus to one particular person, most of the time the closest to u?

The one who is simply too tired, blanked out from work, can't handle neediness, can't express self person will simply become horribly frustrated at the other person who keeps pushing his/her tots onto ownself.
He/she feels like the other is trying to force something outta them. n therefore, more frustrations.
Leading to anger.

SIGH.

It sounded n feels like my arguments with bf. 
Well. i dunno. 
There r bad days n there r good days.

I'm jus glad to be home tonight to witness my parents' fight. 
At least i know wat goes on beneath the surface, though im still wondering whether it was okie for me to intervene the way i did.
It affirmed the fact that i need to sit down with my mommy for a good heart to heart talk one day...
Well i think i shld make it soon.

N it also kinda added more stress for me being the eldest in the family n being jobless n kinda in between everything in life now.
Argh.
Esp when hearing daddy lamenting while in tt argument jus now bout how tired he is of working working working n how he feels like jus shirking responsibility n walking out.
I cant blame him really.... bearing the burden of a family of 4+1 on his aching, tired n sore knees is really bad.
(+1 cos of grandpa. n Grandpa is simply driving mom up the wall with his stupid elderly tantrums n quirks. n mom in turn drives dad up the wall cos she needs an outlet. i just wish it was Grandma instead of Grandpa though. Cos she's so much more of a delight to have around. Fuck. should i even be allowed to say this?!?!? Geez)

I have sore knees too, n i know exactly how bad it feels every single second.

I need a sign, a direction. Someone to tell me wat to do quick so i can relieve my sore kneed father before he can no longer walk.

Time to look into my reservoir of strength, which gets bigger n deeper as more Love Rain falls. 
I draw strength from my rship. I know it's a big risk to take. 
But tt's me, when im happy in love, nothing else matters.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Superheros by the Beach!


Date 21st March 2010, Sunday
Time 10am to 5pm
Venue East Coast Park E2 (next to East Coast Lagoon Hawker Centre)

Doggie Express Grooming by School of Pet Grooming for just $10!!

For more information on doggie contests n activities, please visit http://www.petschannel.com/events/details/superheros-by-the-beach/135

This is where i will be!! 
A yearly event! Bring yr pooch along to say hi! ;D

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Celebration of freedom...Realisation of New Prison.

For those of u who loved my old blog....
I've unlocked it... 
Whole n in 1 piece. ;)

Only thing is.. the links are all messed up cos i changed URL like many times during those turbulent times.

I might not have dyed my hair ah lian auburn like i swore i would. But now that Im outta the company, this is my way of celebrating my new found freedom. ;D

Hey come to think bout it, i haven't gone out n got drunk or did something really naughty even though I've had things to celebrate for lei! WTF!

Well, so here it is. 
www.disappeared-without-a-trace.blogspot.com

I know I havent been putting pics in this current blog, though the iPhone has made it much more convenient.
The arrival of Twitter has not helped either.

I looked thru my old posts n pics from 2008 only i had like an overdose of nostalgia.
Not only was i skinnier n leaner. I had soooooo many activities ALL the time!!
Going out to play. going out to sightsee. Group outings... OMG!

Why ... why did i let myself slip into someone I dun even recognise anymore?!?! when clearly i stated here that I would guard my heart with all my might n vowed never to get lost.

the excerpt:
"because when u lose yr head n expect unspoken things to be done to u n then settle all things spoken is not Shiok~

But also cos u can't help thinking tt time spent with yr friends makes u happier n less expectant...

I'm getting my head back becos of all the bad lessons i've learnt in Love.

Which is Lesson #706
NEVER have expectations..

-a) lesson will hurt u
-b) never expect behaviours of reciprocations becos of wat u do thru-out the process
-c) never lose yr head n imagine snapshots of bliss...

Truth is......

Reality of sleepiness n monday blues won't satiate yr romantic fantasies...

Shut up all u who ask me wat is a rship without expectations

It's is called a Pessimistic n 'dunno go where 'r-ship...."

Could it becos of this? When my walls came down?


Anyway, during the past week, i've managed to step back a little n look at things from a different perspective.
I've been in current relationship n staying in it jus wishing n waiting for the desired end result.
I've given up a large part of who i m for this guy.
I've seen that everyone around me including HIM have moved along in life n got better jobs, etc etc. 
But myself.

I see myself now n i wanna slap my pathetic self.
I lost tt fiesty catty side of me.
Cos i'm scared.

Honestly, i'm scared of not being able to find a good man
I'm scared of going thru the whole courtship/relationship process all over again with another person.
This is why i m still here.
Complaining, sulking... n STILL BLOODY NOT GETTING MY WAY.
My old blog used to get me my way all the time. (N got me into trouble! ;p)
It also used to make me heard all the time. I never cared who read my emo or embarrassing drunken post either.
So why did i start caring just cos he disapproved!??!?

I M who i M.
I believe now that when i forgot this simple fact.
SO DID YOU.

I'm gonna wake up tomorrow n remind myself of this. Tomorrow will be a better day. As will the day after n the day after. ;) This i promise u, my friends, n myself!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Positive Psych.

So talking bout applying positive psychology in life huh?

To me, Happiness could probably be attained by:

1) Getting over the stuff that makes one dissatisfied with life n turn it all around n make it seem postive lor (obviously easier said than done. FYL)

2) Striving to work very very hard so as to attain the goals, wants, needs, etc that satisfies one.
(Does not work in every aspect of life, for eg relationships, partner in life.)

3) Just live with it laaaar. (Read again Pt. #1) -_-

4) Making a decision to do away with the source of unhappiness n move on to seek personal nirvana. (Hard to do most of the times...)

5) Just enjoy the ups n cruise thru the downs, awaiting the next upper, if ever. (This is what i'm doing....)


K im feeling incredibly pessimistic now.
Doesn't matter even if at least 3 positive things happen to me each n everyday.
These positive things r still not what i like fanatically.
doooo dooo dooooooo~ *hums* SIGH~