Feeling fly like a G6~

Dunno y......

just... weeheee! ;D

Though im angry at bestie's bro for defaulting on my logo design n collaterals...

Though my bank acct is in the red while still awaiting tt loan to come in from... wow... such a good fren who does trust me. *touched*

Though i, kinda in a fucked up open relationship that will not go anywhere...

Well definitely not in the direction i want it to be going towards.. sigh.

But WTF. Im feeling fly.

Cos i have life! wahahhaha

nite!

Days in summer~

"He Likes me, i know he likes me. Of course i flatter him dreadfully. I find a strange pleasure in saying things to him that i know i shall be sorry for having said. As a rule, he is charming to me, and we sit in the studio and talk of a thousand things. Now and then, however, he is painfully thoughtless, and seems to take a real delight in giving me pain. Then i feel, that i have given away my whole soul to some one who treats it as if it were a flower to put in his coat, a bit of decoration to charm his vanity, an ornament for a summer's day."

"Days in summer, are apt to linger. Perhaps you will tire sooner than he will. It is a sad thing to think of, but there is no doubt that Genius lasts longer than Beauty. That accounts for the fact that we all take such pains to over-educate ourselves. In the wild struggle for existence, we want to have something that endures, and so we fill our minds with rubbish and facts, in the silly hope of keeping our place. The thoroughly well informed man - that is the modern ideal. And the mind of the thoroughly well-informed man is a dreadful thing. It is like a bric-a-brac shop, all monsters and dust, with everything priced above its proper value. I think u will tire first, all the same. Some day you will look at your friend, and he will seem to you to be a little out of drawing, or you won't like his tone of colour, or something. You will bitterly reproach him in yr own heart, and seriously think that he has behaved very badly to you. The next time he calls, you will be perfectly cold and indifferent. It will be a great pity, for it will alter you. What you have told me is quite a romance, a romance of art one might call it, and the worst of having a romance of any kind is that it leaves one so unromantic."

- The Picture of Dorian Gray-  Oscar Wilde.

Spoke to my heart.

I understand what im doing now....

Guess only the fast forward of time will truly be the end of my summer?

I'm the Volcano. You're the Tornado.

FINALLY, the MV is out on Youtube.
If my frenz can't ever imagine why n how i chase the men in my life away from me, this is it. Highly volatile, uncontrollable, emotional n crazy mad,
I blow up fast but cool down faster than the average person too.
How how? you want me? ;D

but always burning w passion.
Well, passion is only temporary right? Sigh


Sometimes i wonder if physical violence is more brutal or emotional abuse?

Seems like Eminem found the same words to describe both in the right way anyway.

"Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
I sufficate
And right before im about to drown
She resuscitates me
She fucking hates me
And I love it
Wait
Where you going
I'm leaving you
No you ain't
Come back
We're running right back
Here we go again
It's so insane
Cause when it's going good
It's going great
I'm Superman
With the wind in his bag
She's Lois Lane
But when it's bad
It's awful
I feel so ashamed
I snap
Who's that dude
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe
When you're with them
You meet
And neither one of you
Even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills
Used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick
Of looking at 'em
You swore you've never hit 'em
Never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face
Spewing venom
And these words
When you spit 'em
You push
Pull each other's hair
Scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down
Pin 'em
So lost in the moments
When you're in 'em
It's the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it's best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It's a different day
Sound like broken records
Playin' over
But you promised her
Next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane
Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Now I know we said things
Did things
That we didn't mean
And we fall back
Into the same patterns
Same routine
But your temper's just as bad
As mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love
You're just as blinded
Baby please come back
It wasn't you
Baby it was me
Maybe our relationship
Isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is
I love you too much
To walk away though
Come inside
Pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity
In my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed
I'll aim my fist
At the dry wall
Next time
There will be no next time
I apologize
Even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games
I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I'mma tie her to the bed
And set the house on fire"

Harrassment.

I went to lodge a police report today. 

Remember this post on forumers being freaks?

Well let's just say tt i kinda figured out tt B the person who put up the appraisal for me, seems to b solely responsible for the whole W person thing.

B started to SMS me for every little thing n anything not regarding my grooming services.

And when i refuse to reply after 8pm jus cos i dun want to, she starts to send more SMses, which is bloody damn annoying.

"R u sleeping or having fun with yr dog?"

K**, that is none of yr biz!

Im a service provider, not a friend n i dun wan to talk to u about my life. Nor bout yours.

N i made it clear to her time n time n time again tt i do not want to reply to queries other than appointment requests outside my work hours. N she STILL sends me boliao requests n SMSes.

The last straw came when using the same number, B suddenly became A, who claimed to b B's sis-in-law n who claims tt B got so distraught by me when i said tt i do not want to correspond w her cos i have a bf who does not like me to b disturbed outside work hrs, tt B went n got herself into car accident.

This A, using B's hp number, went on to threaten tt her husband is a police officer n 'CID' at an east branch police station n told me to befriend B n get to know her better. n started to send me SMS into the wee hours of the night.

Bloody annoying n scary to the point when i had to fearfully scan the other pax faces on the bus home this evening in case i see B stalking me home.

N then when I mentioned the L word ("im not lesbian n etc etc) J, the police officer n i figured supposedly to b B's brother, came into the picture. SMS sent thru B's number also.

Threatening me to not hurt(huh?) B n challenging me when i said i will b making a police report for harassment. 

Also he claimed to track down my so called bf's number n send PI to my bf. 

Huh? Hello? 

B. R u 17 or 37?? (which is how old u look to me babe _|_ )

CID. PI.

Oh god. u still in the age of Triple 9 with Wong Lilin n James Lye ah?

Well, all that's happening is this.

M gonna fax M1 morrow. with the timing of the private number nuisance calls n SMSes n my police report.

If her mobile is a contracted line n not a prepaid one, i hope she will receive the warning letter M1 says they will send out. Private number line shld b a land line i hope.

Whichever, I have yr address B. 

N the police r investigating cos on yr side u claim to be(have someone) who is working on the side of the law as well.

Impersonation. n possible assault.

Carry this on further n i will not hesitate to press charges n get one of those 10m away from me injunction. Cos u r creepy n scary n stalker-ish.

ARgh.

Thinking bout it makes my hair stand.

N I chewed my nails down to stumps. 

Why this kinda stupid things happen to me one!?

Bestie says im too friendly.

Ah duh?? It's customer service!! I NEED to b friendly! But im not yr friend! -_-"

Let's hope she gets it this time.

Dreams Can Come True.

No one will ever see what i envision in my head.

The interiors of the shop.

The concept.

The workings......

i guess if my chosen ideal partners dun come thru i might have to do it on my own one fine day.

I wish ppl will stop telling me that it won't work.

Cos i think if i dare to come out n do it, it will.

So yeah, i stopped flying to b a doggie groomer.

Everybody who asks gives me The Look.

Any editor wanna feature me in magazines?

Topic can b change in career; the big jump. Or flying groomer. wahahahha~

Okie. wait til i make it bigger first. ;p

And stupid Pig, stop telling me tt my dog is holding me back.

It's not. He's keeping me grounded.

But i'll take into account what u said "People who r over relationships DUN feel a single thing."

Ok. GOT IT *dead pan voice n face* tt i will work on. _|_

Reflux.

I guess it's like a reflux.

You come outta an almost 2 yr relationship n u throw yrself headlong into the throes of freedom.

You update all yr snappy remarks n happenings in yr facebook.

Maybe at the end of the day, you do feel lighter, freeer n happier thats why?

I hope that is the real reason why.

Otherwise, the best gift tt one can gift unto u will just b an irony.

:)

At the end of the day, it's all bout how committed one is.

Forummers r potential Stalkers..

Today i wanted to pull my hair out.

I was fucking annoyed can!?! Now i thinking wanna get another mobile number for privacy.  knnbccb.

So a kind customer of mine had go ahead n put up an appraisal for me after grooming her dog beginning of july.

N she has since went on n posted it on lioney.sg as well. Which somehow links u to 10 other sites or so.

I really dunno how these things works really.

The response after tt was good. i received 2 sms requests for appointments yesterday.

1 Of which was from a dude who claimed tt he was mute n asked me to email him cos he wanted to specify how he like his dog to b groomed.

As i was out, i promptly used my Professonal mail acct to email him on my iPhone n had since been waiting for his reply. Let's call this person W.

Who knows the next day i received this, from the kind person who posted up my appraisal for me, let's call her B.

B:"D, did u receive SMS from a potential customer named as W? tis person claim tt he sms u n ask u to email him but he said u didnt reply 2 him as he's mute person n has difficulty in talking n listening. he puts up a remark in my adv n i manage to catch hold of him n i hv emailed 2 him instead. his remark was taken away by me becos this a small matter n jus comm breakdown.

D: " yar i reply him ready!! Cos he sms me by Bulk SMS. cannot reply to it wat. wait i cc u the mail also."

I went to my sent folder for tt acct in my iphone n it seemed like the email was not sent.

So i sent it again n once again the email completely vanished into thin air once i hit the sent button.

B: " did u send to correct email.jus console him tt we didn't look down on him jus becos he's mute"

D: "yar lor he was complaining to me tt u shld have put email add n i explained tt u did not put cos of possible restrictions on the forum."

B: "i've apologised to him ready n so jus stay cool

D: "actually i wanted to ask u yesterday if i can reply straight to Bulk SMS not! haha then his following text got his email add so i emailed him instead. Curious also, mute ppl got carry handphone also rite? Good for communication mah? Oh well. Sorry to put u thru the trauma B. Aiyoh. this is a classic case of reverse discrimination!!"

B: "well our friend do hv hp bt he uses hi-card n hav 2 top up b4 he can sms. its why he uses bulk sms........"etc

And then i managed to delete n reinstate my email add which was not able to send out emails on my iphone n managed to get it to work.

Mute guy W replied, n replied... n REPLIED. until my iphone from 40% batt to 17%.

N the worst thing is, he kept sending me thru his fucked up Bulk SMS! Which i can't reply to!! n i have to fuckin email him!! u know how fucking annoying tt is?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? FUCK U W!

I DUN WANNA GROOM YOUR DOG! IT"S NOT BECOS U R MUTE! ITS BECOS U KEEP USING THE EXCUSE TT U R MUTE FOR ANYTHING N EVERYTHING!!!!

if u guys dun believe me, below is a series of our very cumbersome correspondence...

D: "Dear W,

This is my 3rd attempt to send u an email. I apologise for the miscommunication n have been in fact been waiting for yr reply since my first email sent out to u around 630pm yesterday evening.

The second being 4pm this afternoon after Del's owner notified me about your response.
Now I have rectified the error in my iPhone settings as I m at out at work with no access to email thru a desktop.

I do hope u receive this.
In my email, I explained that Del's owner might have left out my email add perhaps because of certain restrictions on the forum.

Anyway, I will also try to adhere to yr specifications n instructions as much as I can as I had done with Del. My hours r from 11-7pm daily except I'm off on Thursdays. Rates r 55 for small dogs like Maltese n there is 10% off for first time customers n members of XXX pets. To b member of XXX pets, simply accumulate $150 worth in receipts within 2 months. ;) 

I do hope to hear from u soon n I sincerely apologise for the delay in this correspondence due to this technical glitch.
Thank u for your time."

Cheebye W thru his fucked up Bulk SMS: 

1) "hi. got yr reply. i hv a word w B jus now n i'll do what she suggest. im glad she's yr fren cos she's good in her presentation : via BulkSMS.com"

2) She has say sory to me bt it's not her fault she's jus sensible enough how to answer my question wifout avoiding me when i told her tt i'm MUTE : via BulkSMs.com"

CCB!! MUTE MUST TYPE CAPITAL LETTERS MEH!!??!?! N WTF U IMPLYING??? TT I M NOT SENSIBLE ENOUGH TO ANSWER YR QUESTIONS N I WAS AVOIDING U COS U SAID U R MUTE?!?!?! WTF IS TT??!?!

My email reply to him:

"Dear W,

I'm sorry if u felt tt I was avoiding you but I really did reply as soon as I got yr text except I din know if bulk SMS accepts SMS replies. Well I tried again now n I cant get it to go thru.

So would u like to make an appt still n when would u like it to b? Mayb u would like to leave a mobile number cos I believe that prepaid sim cards allow unlimited SMS replies ?

Thank u"

Can someone out there tell me why my baby sister's starhub card can send n receive unlimited sms. but this cheebye gotta give this kind of lame excuse??

Then the Cheebye W again:

1) She has say sory to me bt it's not her fault she's jus sensible enough how to answer my question wifout avoiding me when i told her tt i'm MUTE : via BulkSMs.com" -this is repeated jus so u know -_-

2) I hvnt met her bt i hv a gd feeling 4 her. Very tactful in talking. no doubt, im mute bt i do hv feeling. Shall i chase after B? :via BulkSMS.com  

KNNBCCB!!!! NOBODY EVER SAY TO U MUTE= NO FEELING RITE?!? Y R U ASSUMING PPLE SAY THIS BOUT U?? CLASSIC CASE OF REVERSE DISCRIMINATION NO??!?

N HE SEEMS TO HAVE AN INFLATED EGO DESPITE A SERIOUS SELF ESTEEM ISSUE WHICH IS UNDERSTANDABLE BUT WTF!!!

And becos by now i feel obliged to reply becos WHY? cos Mute ppl Like this W make pple feel guilty when their messages r not replied by saying u purposely ignore them cos they mute.

CAN I JUS IGNORE U COS U R FUCKING LAME!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? IF I SEE U I WILL PUNCH U!

I DUN WANNA GROOM YR DOG!!!!! SCREAMMMMSSSSSS*

D: "Dear W,

Yes B is an extremely nice lady with very enthusiastic interest in pets n pet knowledge.

In the mean time, I need to go as my mobile is outta battery. U know how lousy iPhone battery lives r.

Do keep in touch. Thank u."

W: Well 2bad i dun hv her hp no. i'll get my hp top up 1st then i'll make an appt wif u 4 u to groom my poodle. Let Belle noes abt my feeling for her :via BulkSMS.com

D: "Dear W,
Yes I have conveyed them to her.

Cheers in yr endeavour."    *major bitch fit by this time*

W:

1) i'm a manager in a co. bt i hv no problem wif all my juniors bcos they noe wht 2 do. My life's very healthy bcos i only hv my poodle wif me: viz BulkSMS.com

2)D, do u have any idea wht's she dislike, character wise?! I shld hv ask her bt it's 2 late cos i don't hv her contact anymore. Jus do me a favor :via BulkSMS.com

3)D, ask Belle whether she'll b able 2 reply 2 my email as i really tink she is the RIGHT LADY tt im looking 4 unless she reject me. :via BulkSMs.com

HELLO W! I DUN THINK MUTE PPL R STUPID RIGHT??!?! IM A GROOMER! NOT YR PERSONAL MATCHMAKER!! CAN U PLS JUS FUCK OFF!?? 

After charging my phone n having finished my dinner, which was interrupted by his incessant KNN BulkSMS-ing*FUCK U VERY MUCH!!* n walked my dog n all n going to a meeting, i wrote to him this. N i think i sounded very very polite n diplomatic.

"Dear W,

I have not met u before and I'm sure u r a nice guy.
Therefore I just wanna keep this strictly professional and pls only contact me for dog grooming services.
For anything else personal, am sure u have B's email address.

Pls understand tt I'm not avoiding u or watsoever reason. But having to work 6 day weeks including public holidays n weekends n  watever time left for myself n my dog is very very very limited.
I hope u really understand. That from now onwards, I will only answer yr queries on dog grooming services.

Thank you."

W:  1) "D i got yr sms. im sory as i hv been carry away by myself nobody'll like to b friend who's mute. i'll not keep hunting u for B's hp :via BulkSMS.com"

2) D, jus 1 last request, pls get B to email me as i lost her email as my whole harddisk's corrupted n most of the info r gone. thks!"

ONCE AGAIN FUCK U W! PPLE LIKE TO BE FRENZ WITH PPLE WHO DUN MAKE THEM FEEL OBLIGED TO BE FRIENDS WITH THEM!  N NOT BECOS U R MUTE, BALD, HAVE LEPROSY, OR ONLY ONE TESTICLE OR WATEVER NONSENSE.

YR ATTITUDE BOUT YR OWN CONDITION IS THE ONLY REASON WHY NOBODY WANTS TO B FRENZ WITH U. NOT YR CONDITION PER SE. OK???

U WANNA SEE A SHRINK OR A COUNSELLOR INSTEAD?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

N in between handling this bugger's incessant fuck shit, B is constantly bugging me as well.

She asked me to add her to myspace but i seriously cant b bothered okie!

N she say if i go her myspace i'll know why she wanna reject W.

Cos she lesbian lar!!!! WTF!

SHE IS OBSESSED WITH ME N HE IS OBSESSED WITH HER N BOTH THEM R BOMBING MY MOBILE PHONE. JUS STOP IT CANNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

N never mind? This W loser is using some BLOCKED number n calling my hp n putting down the phone on me as !! CwellHEEBYE LAR! if i do see u i will skin u n yr poodle down. MUTE MUTE MUTE FUCKING ANNOYING CAN!?!?!?!? PLS DUN TELL ME ALL MUTE PPL R LIKE TT? OR WORSE STILL, Y U DUN HAVE OTHER MUTE FRENZ TOO???? 

WELL OBVIOUS ANSWER HUH?! COS U R NOT LIKABLE AT ALL LAR! 

OMG if this continues on i'm gonna jus change my number or something. regret now giving my personal number away so easily.

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK THIS SHIT IS MAN. KNNBCCB.

I seriously wanna scream whenever i receive SMS from either of THEM!!!!

Missed Opportunities vs missing opportunities...

Since I adopted dog, i've had to turn down 1 offer to go to China, Beijing. 

N another to India.

All of which will b such good opportunities n exposure n will pretty much make me invincible in what im doing.

Yeah invincible is exaggerating. ;p

The old me will put the blame on dog for the missed opportunities.

But now, when i look at him n see the devotion he has for me in his doggie eyes, i feel wrecked with guilt for even considering him a burden.

He lives n breathes for me. 

For me to bring him out to walkies. For me to put food into his bowl. For me to pat him on his head. For me to settle into bed at night before he falls into deep sleep in his fave corner.

And i understand. 

That by having him from the very beginning, I've chosen to miss these opportunities.

And therefore, they aren't really missed.

Pun intended. ;p

Dear doggie, i pledge to love u as u r loving me. 

I promise not to leave you without me too much, for an extended period of time.

N i will always hug n pat u :)

His tail is wagging now. haha~

Some.

"hi. Is it too much to ask to be frenz again?"

A heavy question from a ex. Depending from how did the parting go.

"no. But u WERE a asshole." *big smiles*

Hmmm.
And then there r some other exes u dun mind sleeping w again, for old times' sake. Or maybe jus cos u have a soft spot for 'em.

Whichever.
It feels like now. Everything else is inconsequential. It will b all for fun.
Come. Let's play! See who holds out longer! Asshole~


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Rise & Fall

Sometimes i manage to cheat my mind into thinking all is good...

n then outta the blue,

That empty lonely sensation in the tummy strikes.

Esp during moments when i'm on my own... most of the time on public transport.

And then i stop for a cigarette.

And i start to realise tt the cig has stopped giving me the kinda comfort tt used to satiate my neediness.

And i start to wonder what would make it good.

Well overall im in better shape than i was 2 weeks ago. ;]

Most of the times my puppy makes me happy. The only thing tt puts a grin on my face n make me chuckle out loud.

Sometimes, i do wonder if having him in my life brings about much more restrictions...

Then... I look at him looking at me with those loving eyes, i feel guilty ever having those thoughts!

It's already August of 2010.

Somehow i keep feeling like im in February. Why?

Not like i had a very enjoyable birthday rite? duh.

I'm feeling kinda weird today.

Took the initiative to clip down this silky's coat cos i was damn annoyed tt shit sticks to his butt hair all the time n stinks up my area.

And also cos im damn annoyed tt it's a boarding dog n well outta my scope of job to bother to even bathe him unless the customer is paying.

Somehow, the shop pple say tt it belongs to a VIP customer n they aren't gonna bill him.

Fuck-a-na-den.

Then dun ask me to bathe him!

Our agreement was only puppies for free n grooming.

But i swallowed n did as told. After all, i was getting $5 ph rite?

Guess my indignance got a hold of me n i kinda did it to save myself the trouble. 

Well, i would like to blame it on lack of communication as well.

Keep asking me to bathe the smelly dog for free n never tell me when going back.

You think bathing very easy ah!!!??!? 

The blowdrying process very tiring one lei!

N the knn Auntie keep asking me to bathe her fucking puppies on weekends so they look nice n fluffy "so can sell" 

Knn i trying to save my energy for my real customers whom i get money from can!?!??!?!

So anyway back to story. turned out the VIP owner came to collect his dog today.

N turned out the top coat which i clipped off slightly was pain stakingly grown.

Wahahhaha!

Too bad. 

But i did show him how his dog's ass skin was getting sore from all tt shit stuck tt.

Moral of the story.

Want ppl to take good care of yr dog. U pay.

Pay. Pay me $25 a day n i will make sure when yr dog shits i will comb off all the mush. 

Pay me n i will make sure i blowdry its feet everytime it gets damp from stupidly peeing on itself.

Pay me n i will comb off all that shitty food residues ard its mouth. OMG wat a dumbass dog. *rolls eyes*

Else dun keep yr dog's hair so high maintanence. Keep at home where yr poor maid will slave over it every second of the day.

So the guilt comes n goes n my confidence is kinda shaken.

my heart was beating when i realised tt if i had made a mistake, this mistake is irreversible.

And i had no supervisor over me.. or a teacher to make my mistake seem less serious.

And then i received an SMS from a potential customer asking if i would like to groom his rabbit (a fuzzy lop or whatever lar) this weekend.

And i remembered they say rabbit scared will die after bath one.

And im hesitating now cos i scared i make pple rabbit die.

Then how?

Should i or should i not?

And then i cheat my mind into thinking tt everything is fine again..

By telling myself tt "aiyah if he confirms the appointment then come n worry bout it la."

At most if i see his rabbit damn scared one i suggest a powder bath instead. 

N im writing all these worrisome thoughts of mine here to bore u cos i have no one to talk to these days except my dog.

N my stupid Pig fren disowned me cos apparently he fell in love with me again.

I need his counsel n straightforward ways of putting things across to validate my tears n fears.

I toyed with the idea of calling the ex. Cos who else would know me better rite?

Then decided against it.

Cos who knows, he might jus find me a nuisance right?

Sigh. i know. I'm weak like tt.

N oh. He said he ordered 3 cartons of canned food for Baby J. That's 72 cans n enough to last him a year since he consumes 1 can every 5-6 days for tt particular brand.

I can't decide what to think bout this action of his though.

Nice? 

Hmmm, maybe he still cares for the dog then.

*shrugs* i really dunno. 

I wish he still cares bout me though. ;[

ah well. 

Back to cheating the mind again tt everything's fine.

It's late n im finally gonna get some work done after moping around.

Merlin's Beard!?!

After watching Sorcerer's Apprentice, 

Do: Why do they have this saying or exclamation "Merlin's Beard!"??

Ed: Cos it would be rude to say Morghana's pubes.

-_-"

i want the extended instrumental version of Secrets. can someone send to me please??

N I keep having Mickey Mouse's version of Sorcerer's Apprentice in my head. super cute max!! ;)

Halloween costume idea!

Tt wizard hat thing n red robes! wheeee!

Videos found thru Google at reelsoundtrack.wordpress.com

Conversations with my Mirror

Ed: You know? i asked myself yesterday what would it take for me to marry Dor*nn Chin?

Do: And?!? (indignantly)

Ed: I would probably marry you ah, if u din have tt terrible temper of yours... 

Do: But then, I'm lovable cos of my terrible temper! Cos when i'm bad, im bad. Which makes my good, even better!! It's my mojo!! ;p

Ed: yeah yeah.

 And that terrible obsession with your dog. You know ah, now im a student lei n normal working ppl wont date u lor. That prime slot of 8-10pm is taken up by that dog of yours! cant u get yr sisters to walk him?

Do: No lor, he's my responsibility n i feel guilty if i dun do it for him... :(

And anyways, if a guy is really into me, he will still wanna date me lousy timing n schedule or not. 

Well, tt's wat i hope..... 

Ed: Yar. Why dun u jus ask your dog to marry you.

Do: -_-  k....

..........................................................

I just remembered that Master Song told me the year before that 29 will b the age i meet my Mr Right.

Well, even if he meant 29 by not lunar, means it's this year, Mr Right will probably Not fit into my life now anyway. wat with 7 more months before i pass my eligible 29.

Huge sighs*

So it doesn't matter if i did waste my lunar 29 last year on Mr Inferior Product, which is what Ed calls him.

Apparently I have this knack of picking damaged guys, n mother n nurture them into someone i like them to be..... Ed says i should just b picking the good guys.. "That way, " he says, "at least if u end up divorced n entitled to half his assets, there is some substance in your half lor" .....

-_-"

Reality. Practicality. 

Maybe when u r 30 n still single, dating for love becomes an incredibly unsustainable concept.

Ed: "There r women out there who will NEVER even consider dating a guy without a condo, what r u doing with all these damaged guys??? You feel that u r not good enough for the good guys is it??"

Do: ... ... ... "Yeah i know there r girls out there who wont even date a guy who doesn't have a car.."

Ed: "Mayb u shld date a guy a few times, start to get to know him first then like him. Not like him first then date him la"

Do: "But i can't do that!? If i dun like him, i date him for wat???"

Ed: zzzzzz

........................................................................................

And then,

Do: "Have u ever heard of a dog groomer who manages to buy him/herself a BMW 3 series?? ;D"

Ed: "Yar. If the dog groomer marries a , say lawyer la"

Do: (major -____-|||)

.........................................................................................

As always, i believe that things will work itself out along the way for me.

I will set the tiles out one by one for my solo journey to success.  I always get my way, anyway. N i always get what i want. So all that's left is resilience n diligence on my part.

I will make it. I will!!1

Sudden Flashback n a shot of reality.

So I'm walking ard the house sniffing, 

a result of grooming 2 guinea pigs without wearing a face mask earlier in the morning when already having a slight cough n sensitive nose from late nights n not enough rest since Fri nite.

And cursing lightly tt the smoke emitted from the joss sticks at the altar was irritating my nose further...

then his words suddenly sprang at me from my memory

"No i wasn't looking to the 9 days alone w u at all. There's no Why. I just was NOT looking forward to it!"

referring to when i heartbrokenly asked him why he didn't seem to mind me being alone going thru it all by myself when my parents left for holiday.

And right at tt moment everything became so clear to me. Clear as lightning.

He asked me to go back to him n promised the world. Never sounding out his limitations. Only making beautiful promises. Promises I wanted to hear.

And then he turned his back when his luck has a run up n shirks all responsibilities n even better still, says tt i was expecting more n more from him.

And tt he couldn't provide in the end.

Wat does one expect? he planted in me those false hopes n dreams rite? Pretty much like inception.

So i was down n out n broke n lost n jobless.

N i did say before then as well tt if i were alone, i won't even want myself for company either.

But when someone runs out on u. when u r in tt kinda dire situation. 

How the hell does it feel?

N his words kept ringing in my head til now.

Not making sense with the nice things he made into words to comfort me bout the reasons or rather excuses he made.

Not making sense when i recalled how i needed help to babysit the dog on a certain day n he jus gave me a fucked up option of leaving (our) baby at his house under the care of a maid who had never met Baby J before... while he goes to attend some random company function.

It all makes sense now.

Cos tt certain CC girl whom he was flirting with was gonna b there. n he wasn't gonna miss out on her obviously crushed out attention she showers on to him. I found her blog by the way. Cos little does he know i have a common fren with her.

It all so bloody makes sense now.

And to think i was still thinking of him fondly this evening.

In fact every morning n every evening. since 6 weeks ago.

Cos he played the game right n said what he knew I would like to hear.

That he loves me n misses me still, but he needs to load up o his financial backing... n tt he will come back to get me in the future.

When obviously, i'm the last thing not to mention even to the level of something called priority, during this point in time.

The truth is out there.

When u love someone, you dun behave like this.

Selfish, uncaring, unbothered, unguilty, completely moving on, n relishing the attention of some dumb confused unstreetwise fresh face who find yr ah beng-ness a welcome change to her elite sheltered world.

How many times i screamed 'dun lie' at him.....

Yet he continued to play with my heart. Manipulating the weakness in my mind cos of my affections for him.

Why.

Why may i ask, tt men become such unfeeling, completely selfish creatures when they have a change of heart? 

If u dun wanna look back, dun hold the other person back as well for a comfy cushy fall back option.

U may think u were not lying to me.

But to me, u were.

Cos u said things n promised things n made me change my confused mind n then u flip it all onto me n have the cheek to say its all "me n my crazy mind" for ruining us.

I say this for the last time.

Not only to u but to any other contenders out there.

Once u give me up for something or someone else, dun even look to getting even a morsel of me anymore. Not even a whiff of my scent.

N lastly Fuck You Very Much. 

N yr friends as well.

Ptui*

Lovable but undateable?!?!

Ed: You need to get laid

Do:But i dun wanna get laid!!!

Ed: Then since u r my 2nd choice also i'll b yr part time bf til u get a new one.

Do: But who would wanna date me!??!?! I'm only off on Thursdays n only free after 10pm!!

Ed: LOL

So yeah, Day 11 of starting my grooming stint n im starting to see the limitations on my life now.

Finish at 7, rush onto the bus, get home around 830pm, bring dog for his night walk for 20-40 mins, come home feed him..

By the time i finish my shower by 10pm n can sit down n rest my sore legs n back n heaving a huge sigh of relief, i've already lost the sensation of hunger. 

Dog will b looking at me with his gooey eyes asking me to snuggle with him n 20 mins is spent cuddling him n hugging him n stroking him n talking to him....

If i have to go out to meet my frenz, i decline all dinner engagements n jump outta my resting position after 5 mins n dress n make up n rush down to town for late drinks.

Usual estimated time of arrival, 1130pm.

By then, frenz r like, zzzzzz.

Yep.

Is it worth it u ask me?

Well 11 Days n all i earned was $207.

Come 28 Jul, i've got to pay $1400++ in taxes to IRAS, n i havent paid my phonebill this month.

Basically i'm in debt, n already only spending less than 7 dollars a day unless i go out for a random drink.

So... u tell me if it's worth it?? -_-"

Ed asked me if i miss flying today.

I said no, not at all.

I tot bout it just n got the reason why.

I still think tt I actually preserve more dignity now even though i earn 'pee sai' (not even peanuts can), than when i was a cabin crew.

Now customers come n they ask me for advice, ask me wat to do when their dogs this n that, n then how. N the fact tt i have the right to refuse cutomers if i want to, feels so much better than having to fake smile n suck up to pple i actually detest n hate.

Cleaning puppy poop is also still more palatable than having to clean up human poop n vomit.

N i rather sustain a back injury carrying a adorable Golden Retriever than stowing pax bags, which really aren't soft, furry, silky n cuddly like dogs.

Today. Freezy's owner told me I lost lotsa weight. Duh. it's like damn obvious can. my face like shrunk by 1/8 of its usual roundness.

But she also said that i look more radiant.

Geez.

Guess regular sex is not the only thing tt can make one radiant. But regular sleep n eat times really! ;D

N more effective than the latter!!

Speaking of which. Let's just not talk bout sex, shall we baby!? Ahhhhh! ;p

I apologise for turning this blog into some emo emo nonsense.

When i started Running with Scissors, it was suppose to document my encounters n experience when i went into the pet grooming biz.

Having gone full time into the training courses 4 months ago, i feel like i let down my blog when i failed to properly document my path into this current stint.

To summarise, Im looking for a suitable partner to start a shop with.

Right now, im jus putting myself out there n seeing how much can i do without the protection n shelter of my Great Teacher back at Jln Kayu.

K i will try to update more here!

N my knowledge of hamsters n rabbits have grown exponentially since Day 1!! hahha

k ZZz time.

Grieve finish, then relief.

Finally after close to 4 weeks, i finally accepted tt things had happened n r staying the way it should.

Time has finally fast forwarded n i'm no longer tt walking zombie, obsessed with wondering what is he up to.

Maybe sometimes, when u take time away from each other, you start to see the little things tt blinded u in the first place.

Like why his jokes seldom seemed funny to me. sometimes even lame. And realised wat i loved bout him is his reaction, his use of language n close to awful ah beng directness. haha

Like how our tastes in stuff like music, interests r how poles apart. N like when i go to KTV with him, i can never sing Mandarin duets with him. 

Im sure a person who so loves singing K shld deserve a proper duet partner right? *sigh*

Like how i always love the glitter n glamour of the little things tt happen ard me. n i love to bask in attention. But he never brings out tt side of our life together out for me, plus the fact tt he's totally different in this aspect as well.

I was blinded. 

But now i realise, that maybe some pple weren't meant to love certain pple.

N certain pple weren't meant to love me for the rest of my life.

It's how incredibly sad.

Cos i wonder, when Love slowly dissipates into thin air......... where does it float away to?

;(

I think for the first time actually, i'm actually going thru the whole proper process of grieving over a break up all alone.

The other times i had rebounds, over lapping shit n all.

I'm proud of myself for not running into the arms of another random man who fancies me for emotional shelter this time. :)

It's still difficult, sometimes. 

Especially when the tot tt he doesn't n won't miss me at all the way im missing him enters my head.

But i figure it's like coming to terms with death.

The vividness of memories will slowly fade n become blurry.

Along with the pain. And any leftover feelings or strains of love left.

And all that is left will b a fuzzy memory....

And then the thing u miss wont be the person anymore, but jus the good times which made u smile...

At this very moment, i will say "bb i miss u" but i know he doesn't miss me the same way anymore.

Simply cos i also know he doesn't come here to read me anymore too.

Cos his life has caught up with him n his focus has shifted to his new short term goal.

And his long term goals does not include me anymore. 

A part of me died along w our dead rship.

Now i'm waiting for the next stage of after-grieving.

Which is finding out whether my heart will still beat for someone else after all these......

Need you now.

"Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all

It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now

And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

I just need you now (wait)

Ooo, baby, I need you now"

Someone take my phone away from me so i won't keep looking at it.  ;_(

God i cant even cry when typing this cos im sitting in the hall cos my wireless is 'kaput'

Love can be built like a pyramid???

Hmmm... 

Never tot of it as an analogy.

But makes sense! Pyramids have terribly strong foundations! ;D

I just wished............ ; ]

Here's Charice's Pyramid with Iyaz

'Shawty's love is like a pyramid (ooh)
We stand together till the very end (eh ooh)
There'll never be another love for sure (ooh)
Iyaz and Charice let we go

Stones, heavy like the love you've shown (shown)
Solid as the ground we've known (known)
And I just wanna carry on
We took it from the bottom up (no no no)
And even in a desert storm (yeah)
Sturdy as a rock we hold (oh)
Wishing every moment froze
Now I just wanna let you know
Earthquakes can't shake us
Cyclones can't break us
Hurricanes can't take away our love

Pyramid, we built this on a solid rock
It feels just like it's heaven's touch
Together at the top (at the top baby), like a pyramid
And even when the wind is blowing
We'll never fall just keep on going
Forever we will stay, like a pyramid
Like a pyramid like a pyramid eh (ooh)
Like a pyramid like a pyramid eh (ooh)
Like a pyramid like a pyramid eh eh (oooh)

Cold (cold), never ever when you're close (close)
We will never let it fold (fold)
A story that was never told
Something like a mystery (yoh! )
And every step we took we've grown
Look how fast the time has flown
A journey to a place unknown
We're going down in history
Earthquakes can't shake us (oh)
Cyclones can't break us (oh)
Hurricanes can't take away our love

Pyramid, we built this on a solid rock (hey! )
It feels just like it's heaven's touch
Together at the top, (at the top baby) like a pyramid
And even when the wind is blowing (wind is blowing)
We'll never fall just keep it going (keep it going)
Forever we will stay, like a pyramid (eh oh)

Like a pyramid girl let me show you
That I love you so much
That we gonna get through (oh oh)
Even when there's storms
I will never go, Ima be the one to keep you safe (hey)
Before was our love back it up more than enough
Holding on to one another be the cover when it's rough (oh oh)
Mother nature (hey) or disaster won't stop at happy ever after
Pyramid, keep it going (like a pyramid, like a pyramid)
Oh oh ooooh (like a pyramid, like a pyramid)

Pyramid, we built this on a solid rock (solid rock)
It feels just like it's heaven's touch (oooh)
Together at the top (at the top baby, at the top girl), like a pyramid
And even when the wind is blowing
We'll never fall just keep on going (keep it going)
Forever we will stay (Charice), like a pyramid (what what)

Pyramid, we built this on a solid rock
It feels just like it's heaven's touch
Together at the top (at the top baby, at the top girl), like a pyramid (pyramid)
And even when the wind is blowing
We'll never fall just keep it going
Forever we will stay (ooh), like a pyramid"

lyrics from lyricsty.com

Love like rain, Love like pyramid, Love by Shakespeare...

Aiyahhhhh. so many lar.

Terms of Endearment...

Tonight, i got to think about terms of endearment...

For yr other half tt is...

I remember when i first started dating..

i was 15 going to 16..

Some boy from tuition group...

He used to call me dAh-Ling....

Cos my cheena name ends with a Ling sounding word...

N my 老师 used to call me Ah-Ling...

So tt stuck.

I really can't remember wat i called him.

Though the entire tuition grp n my gal pals always refer to him as Ah Hock.

Tt was super funny. ;D

Tt ended when he chided me for going to an eyebrow grooming session when he was broke. he couldn't see the reason why i go n spend 10 bucks to pluck eyebrows when he couldnt even afford a Mcdee's value meal for the two of us on dates after school...

When i was younger.. I was a ruthless eenie mienie lover..

I walked away from rships n never looked back.

I had them all on their knees, begging me to love them back. To return their affections for me.

When I was in JC, I dated a dude who was a retainee.

Someone who had to repeat Year 1 all over again.

N i tot tt was cool. u know. like Different.

So i walked into class w my careless attitude n floppy short hair which covered half my face, n ruthlessly flirted by eye contact.

Perhaps my eyes could speak better than I could.

Cos in truth i'm not very much a talker. Always very quiet ard pple im new to.

The air i carried was haughty yet in an understated way.

Always getting chided by my teacher for my horrible unladylike sitting postures in class.

I think the boys tot i was someone hard to conquer. though really, i din know i was portraying myself as tt.

Bingo! the shy guy took the bait.

N he called me Dear.

I can't remember wat i called him... once again.

But it ended after 15 months when i found out he was a self destructive person who used emotional blackmail on me in the form of hurting himself. like banging his head on the wall in the ladies' gym toilet when i refused to budge from my tantrum...

The break up was probably bad for him. Cos i would walk past him in the school canteen n not even acknowledge him once i said i wanted to end things

Mind you. Then, we only had pagers. Mobile phones were considered luxury n SMS was not even a common communication mode. 

Fuck, sometimes i wish we dun have such convenient ways of communicating as well.

Then angry emo drunk messages cannot b sent on crazy impulse n put the ball in the other person's court when he / she doesn't reply. u know wat i mean...

..................

Then, i met this pink haired guy while part timing at the hottest club in town.

I was 19, awaiting my A level results...

He was the sweetest guy i had ever known.

Taking the cab from the east to the west where i lived to pick me up for dates.

Never ever ever failing to send me home from his place to mine n then detour the cab back again. 

No matter wat time of the day n watever midnight charge nonsense.

He courted me slowly n surely. 

Bringing me home from Zouk in the middle of my work shift when i was burning at 38 d C n puking behind the club. Flowers. Soup left outside my door the next day. The best kisser i ever had then...

Brought me to my first R(A) movie before i turned 21. To my first holiday to BKK n HKG without my parents. n took so good care of me tt now when i look back, i realised he's much more mature than his 21 yrs then.

I called him Darling.

He said he preferred the term Baby.

I went 'eeks!! But i dun wanna b a baby! I wanna b a darling!"

Yeah *rolls eyes at the then me*

I think if i knew my 19 yr old self i will like slap her/me lor. so annoying!! eeeyurr!

He gave in to me... so many times..

Even when i argued tt if i dun tell him where or who i'd been with, it's not lying if i din do anything wrong.

He was the one who instilled in me the policy of honesty i fight for so badly in every rship now. Ironically.

Cos somehow over time, i came to experience having someone not account to me n got deeply hurt.

I look back now n wonder why was i so stupid?!? So immature

I was intimidated by his cyber dressing frenz though. The girls were aspiring models n they hung out with the coolest in town.

I was so young. Havent even started partying. Had terrible dress sense. Cos mummy dun bring me out shopping n i bought like 1 item every 6 months. n forever not enough clothes to wear one. 

I felt horribly inferior n he made me over.

Gave me a whole new wardrobe of choices. Stuff from Blackjack, cult brands...

Which i argued tt i dun like. i preferred mundane stuff. I haven't discovered my personal style yet then u see.

I seriously think i drove him hell crazy w my nonsensical childish stubborness...

N then i had to go n cheat on him..... w the mega ex.

N he forgave me.

n he took a short break from me. but saw me w the mega ex. n completely signed me off.

Though i din see wat the big deal was .... 

u see... i did say i was an eenie mienie lover back then. But hell lot ignorant n insensitive.

..............................

And then life started with the mega ex.

Who i was seeing anyway b4 pink hair dude. But unofficially. But he was my best fren. n soulmate.

So many nights we spent at the carpark downstairs just looking into the stars n having deep conversations about crazy things.

He was the one who came between me n pink hair.

Cos i was so torn between one who was a super sweet lover/caregiver/provider/teacher n the other who can simply complete my sentences n make me laugh all the freakin time...

Pink hair said he couldn't express himself to me cos he not as English ed as me. i was like ???

We dated for a good 3-4 mths unofficially. Cos he was gonna go back to London for college after serving national duty anyway.

We were stuck hip to hip. Every weekend hand in hand seen at Zouk.

But always telling ppl who asked if we r together..."no ah we r not together.." like duhhh....

We dated another 6 mths or so before we started having pet names for each other.

I dun remember how it started n how the hell it evolved to wat it is still today, even after separating.

But his mom call him B , short for Baby cos he's the youngest.

N i said 'eeeeek' im not gonna call him wat his mom call him!

We wrote alot to each other on postcards n love letters though we saw each other every day.

Thinking hard, it was from the mushy words tt our pet names came about.

He always said "Y r u so small n cute one!??!" (erm.. i wasn't ever tabby like now last time fyi.. -_-)

N once i wrote 'little beetle' on one of our love notes.....

which shortened to "beetle".....

N then one day i said softly, 'actually i always want u to call me tt."

N he went 'really?!?!" wide eyed n then gathered me in his bear like hug w a smile.

N the "Bee" moniker started between us. with little drawings of bees n flowers n crap la.

it had variations as the rest of the 4 yrs went by.

Boo, Boot, finally settling w Beet.

Which we still use now.

*shrugs* 

it's strange huh? Using a term of endearment with someone u've already broken up with???

We could nvr figure tt out ourselves either. hmm

.............................................

The next 2 cheating, lying losers i dated for 14 months n then 5 months were jus plain "Baby"

The relationships never had depth enough to have any kind of history or special stories...

Jus pain n hurt n lotsa self destruction on my side.

I seriously think it was my karma for being a eenie mienie lover when i was young n for cheating on pink hair guy.

N then also on the mega ex.

The tables turned on me definitely, as my luck in love ran out after the mega ex.

Sigh.

I'm writing this post becos im feeling fucked up bout running out of my favourite terms of endearments.

After having used variations of 'dear', 'darling' n so many from the root word 'baby'; what else is left for me to use huh?

Every relationship hence lover shld have a special place. At least to me.... n i wanna accord them each a special name mah.

Sigh.

Everytime i swore to myself to reserve the B word for someone i knew who i will spend the rest of my life with, everytime it fucks up.

So here I m...

Having called Beng 'bb' for at least 20 mths in our 22mths rship, i really m running out of options here m i not? ;(

N i dun ever wanna go back to dear' or darling' ever again cos it's just so..... eeek.

Like those couples who met thru SDU or something...

So there...

i know many couples call theirpartners 'bb'as well but i had one n only 'bb' in my life mah.

N if any of u can think of any more/other variation of the word "baby' for a lover...

Can share not???

Cos i sure as hell m not gonna call my hubby 'eh'. 

It has to b something catchy mah. Which can use angrily in quarrels, or passionately in bed one. 

That means no over gooey stuff like 'sugar' or 'babyboooo' or crap like tt.

Jus one or two syllables will b perfect! Easy to call when excited. ;D

*chuckles*

k night night!

Yes i know im crazy n long winded! 

Shut up n stop laughing at me! humph*